Fifty shades of Grey. Seriously, why the hype?

A book that started as Teen Twilight fan Fiction…Yeah i'll give it a miss.

The movie, The secretary in 2002(?) Yong James Spader, old premise sorry 50 shades of horsepoop.

A book that started as Teen Twilight fan Fiction…Yeah i'll give it a miss.

The movie, The secretary in 2002(?) Young James Spader, old premise sorry 50 shades of horsepoop.

First time I've ever read reviews that said the book was badly written, but the movie was written better.

Still, I'll give this one a pass as well. Maybe watch it at home sometime with the wife, but not going to see it in theaters, especially with so many other decent films out now....

a reply to: canucks555

The book is badly written by a woman who plagiarised the characters from Twilight. She wrote a fan fiction called Master of the Universe (sorry no He Man here) based on the twilight characters and published it online as she wrote each chapter. She has since taken the original fan fiction offline. The book is highly criticised by former domestic abuse suffers as it incorrectly portrays BDSM and is actually just a story about a creepy man who stalks, kidnaps, controls and beats a young girl after coercing her into giving up her virginity. In the book she repeatedly describes her fear of him and her desire to escape which she does but he follows her anyway. The female character is pathetic, irrational, immature and inconsistent. It shows that it started as a novice internet fan fiction.

The worrying thing is how the MSM have jumped on it and are hailing it as an erotic romance which it isn't. It is being promoted beyond belief which just makes me suspicious about the intentions of the media by promoting a book that sets women back 50 years.

It's very sad and the author is known to block people on twitter who even hint at the domestic abuse overtones.

Good link for anyone interested-

50shadesofabuse.wordpress.com...

I've drunken mud-wrestled with a gal wearing a Bat-Girl costume. We ended up doing it in the shower.
That's the kinkiest thing I can think of that I've done.

originally posted by: daftpink
The book is highly criticised by former domestic abuse suffers as it incorrectly portrays BDSM and is actually just a story about a creepy man who stalks, kidnaps, controls and beats a young girl after coercing her into giving up her virginity. In the book she repeatedly describes her fear of him and her desire to escape which she does but he follows her anyway. The female character is pathetic, irrational, immature and inconsistent. It shows that it started as a novice internet fan fiction.

The worrying thing is how the MSM have jumped on it and are hailing it as an erotic romance which it isn't.

I decided not to buy 50 Shades of Stupid after reading a ton of reviews that I am certain are vastly more entertaining and better written than the book.

Actually what it's mostly done, after that and reading a couple of excerpts (my eyes, my eyes) is reduce my respect for people raving about it, sadly. Aren't there any standards for writing at all any more. (Never mind not making psycho raping manipulating stalker ***holes into heroes because they're impossibly rich and handsome and excuse their behavior with 'bad childhood.')

It occurs to me that maybe one of the reasons this is so mysteriously popular (for something that could have been written by a somewhat insipid 13 year old) is because women's pxrn is just not well developed in our culture. The 'mainstream' hasn't run into much of it and so when they do, they have no decent expectations or standards for it at all. (Obviously most people also have no idea what BDSM really is. Grey would be seen by real doms as an abusive wannabe.) It cracks me up that men get so much heat over simple sex pics but women have books like this that are so much worse and nobody is trying to ban them from the shelves of bookstores or make anybody reading them into a soulless cretin.

There is probably something underlying this related to a culture that tries to entrain masculinity out of men from earliest childhood (here have these drugs so you'll act more mature and less kinesthetic in 1st grade, as if you're a girl of that age instead) and women who clearly appreciate confident strong men if the romance book genre is a giant clue. But this isn't a romance book, it's juvenile porn with just enough dysfunction to pretend that means plot. Which is sad since the media already portrays both genders and sex so unrealistically, and this just makes that worse.

a reply to: daftpink


The media hype is alarming. One thing I know, If you have a film stinker on your hands you market the hell out of it.

As for its initial popularity, I think women seek romance and erotica. Mills and boon and harlequin novels took us through decades, and as awful as they were, its all we had. Then vampire erotica and romance seemed to work and then this violent nonsense came out.

And I believe 80% of readers bought it because quite simply they were told to in one way or another.

a reply to: canucks555

My girlfriend wanted to see this film thanks to all of her friends talking the book up, so as a one of her (many) valintine gifts i took her on the opening day...she didnt understand the fuss, and neither did I. Dakota Johnson was the only saving grace in the whole project, hopefully this lacklustre film will help her onto bigger and better things. The cinema we attended was packed with woman of all ages (and a small scattering of men) and by the sounds of the non stop giggling and sighing they loved every minute of it. Horses for courses i suppose.

I haven't read the books or seen the movie, but from the write ups I can safely say it's not a series that I'd want to see. I don't care for women to be treated like that and have it called 'romance'. It's not. But if it gets others all happy ... then go ahead.

Did no one else see the psychological aspects of those books? It wasn't all sex.
The evolution of the relationship showed that Grey had learned to discipline his own body and emotions (having been through a rough childhood, with a prostitute mother who OD in front of him while little, he had major behavioral issues) through this practice (as a submissive to a dominatrix).

With Anna, it was through her standing up to him and refusing some of this, that he learned he didn't have to be so controlling over himself anymore (or of others).

Those of the opinion that this encourages abuse don't seem to make any comment upon that aspect of the story? That firmly standing up for yourself is good- not only for yourself but for the other?

Also that she learned a certain amount of self control through this relationship- she starts out the story lacking in self confidence and ability to assert herself, being clumsy, but evolves into being more self assured. It is through the mix of personality that he softens, and she hardens.

This aspect is interesting when one considers why some women are attracted to men who are egotistical in the first place.

I suspect we all seek balance in personality, and often seek out relationships with those who are on the opposite end of whatever spectrum we wish to develop, in order for exchange to happen.

a reply to: Bluesma

I haven't read the books so I am not sure how the story unravels regarding his emotional state so I can only base my views on the film. From what I can remember he was fully aware that his BDSM interests were born from a mixture of a horrific childhood and being a sub himself for many years (his dom an older women). The point I would like to make is that he was aware that he was damaged goods due to the events, and despite being a billionaire and having the resources to seek professional help he never mentions doing so or even blaming the woman who abused him from his early teens (in fact he says she is still his friend). To me this seemed to contradict the image of him as someone who was broken emotionally and behaved in such a manner because of previous events, he knew what he was doing and revelled in his antics (he even stated he had done this to 15 other women). Maybe it was how he was portrayed in the film, but I never got the impression he was so emotionally scared that what he was doing could be justified, just a rich man who got his kicks from acting out his fantasy's on easily led women...

Well, totally ignoring for a moment that in excerpts it reads like it was written by a not-very-bright 13 year old (it should be narrated by The Chipmunks for appropriate humor), I think the story of a bad relationship with stalker-level ongoing abuse that finally ends by someone at the bottom just barely crawling out from under it doesn't much qualify for the inspiring story model. Boy one has to really be a Twilight-50S fan to even try to wring that out of it.

The female character is not kink, she is not enjoying the behavior in the book (not counting hilariously improbable constant orgasms from little more than a look, constantly) -- she is simply suffering, confused and unhappy, according to the book itself, while the 'dom' (the wanna-be dom mostly-abuser) in the book is, on the up side, as unrealistic as her orgasms if not vastly moreso (2 dimensions would be an expansion), and on the down side, probably needs not just professional counseling but is verging on needing a stalker's legal defense.

One of a million web articles highlighting some differences between BDSM and abusive:
www.upworthy.com...

I know, though, from reading too much of the romance genre on Kindle, much of which has no good categorization (so you never know what you're going to get), that apparently most women feel that if a man is really gorgeous, has a really big ****, and is really rich -- three apparent requirements (none of which are actual requirements for much in real life, but never mind, this is entertainment) -- that de-facto he is cool and hence all his behavior, no matter how irrational or abusive, is also cool.

(Also if he drops out of college at 22 or so he'll be a Billionaire CEO by 26. And will spend no real time working but most his time texting some girl instead. Actually this probably goes very well with the original fan-fiction based on Twilight, which as one mocking web pic once said, featured a man who was nearly immortal and could have spent the past 300 years searching for a cure for cancer or something but instead went to high school a million times and then seduced a 17 year old.)

(Why men get such grief over simple pxrn when women have 10x worse in books openly on the shelves is actually beyond me. And no airbrushed queen is less realistic than the men in the books.)

I actually liked the first (only the first) Twilight movie, I thought it was made very well considering its budget, albeit the actors were constrained by the serious limits of the characters (the book was as shallow as many other romances, but not really any worse than many I suppose). The movie actually was an improvement, that's rare.

I think women branching out more openly into pxrn especially the mainstream is what this amounts to, but it would be nice if a lot more quality (and sanity) were actually involved in it, since these things influence readers especially young women.

a reply to: thepitpony

OKay, I hear ya....

In the books, it might have been more clear- He never considered his first dom as having abused him- on the contrary, he considers that she SAVED him. He was on a path of self destruction and getting in tons of trouble when she got ahold of him, and it was through her taking control that he learned self discipline and mastership. It was because of that experience that he stopped being self destructive, and became constructive (and ended up successful).


It refers to some notions that have been examined by philosophers, on the whole master/student relationship, in which ones "super conscience" or internal guide can take on a new form through the influence of another exerting a dominance role, then that pattern being internalized. The way your mother or father set your internal super ego?
If the mother or father you had formed an internal voice that you don't like, you can find a new example in someone else and have a relationship of master/student, and re-form that inner Father or Mother.

But in any discipline, more strict discipline is necessary at the beginning, then later, one can be more flexible, as the body has been conditioned to the bases. With Anna, he became aware that he did not need to be so hard on himself anymore- he is no longer an explosive teen.

Part of the contract he comes up with Anna is that she is obligated to take of herself- physically and mentally. This was probably the most important part of the domination pattern he received from his first dom, who pressured against his self destructive tendancies.

If you've ever tried to convince someone to take care of themself, just for their own good, you know it is useless- if you don't value yourself that is no motivation. But they can be brought to doing so for someone else! How many women, for example, only stat to really take care of themself after they have a child... when they perceive their life has value because it is important to another?

That was what Christian saw in his first dom- something like that one teacher you had in school that had a huge impact on you and made you love school and become a hard worker.

originally posted by: RedCairo
I think the story of a bad relationship with stalker-level ongoing abuse that finally ends by someone at the bottom just barely crawling out from under it doesn't much qualify for the inspiring story model. Boy one has to really be a Twilight-50S fan to even try to wring that out of it.

Did you read all the books? Did you get to the kind of confident woman she becomes, who is a formidable match for Christian?

The suffering, confused, unhappy girl is completely gone by the third book, and she is a very strong willed, happy and successful woman, who takes no shat from anyone.

I don't read romance novels, I never read or saw Twilight, so I cannot speak for what those conveey. But I think that the draw for these particular books was not as much the sex per sey. I think there were more or less conscious recognitions of psychological desires which go deeper in relationships- like how we can pick up personality traits from our mate with time, and how so many women wish they could become more assertive, self mastered and powerful, through the intimate exchange with a person who is already like that.

Personally, I think if those types of women could become more conscious of that motivation, they might be less likely to fall for the men who seem to be assertive and powerful but are arrogant instead of assertive, hostile instead of aggressive.

I think it is well known that the majority of men are more drawn to porn, images of physical intercourse,
and women are more drawn to erotic lit.... I believe that is sourced in a more object-focused mentality of males, and a more relation focused mentality of females.

I think it is more accurate to analyze, then, the dynamics of the relationships in such literature, rather than the physical exchange....


On the other hand, I have witnessed that the influence of popular opinion about the subject matter turns womens minds away from that.

For example, a woman reads it, finds something about it is calling to her or recognized inside, but not sure exactly what it is....
People around her tell her "it is the sex, it is the sex, nothing else...." and slowly she comes to the conclusion, yep, must just be the sex acts that turned me on, only. Nothing deeper to see here, move on....

Good way to convince women they are only sexual machines, with deep desires to be passive victims, and to repress all awareness of their drives towards things like personal power. Very effective for that!

a reply to: zazzafrazz

The Secretary is a GREAT movie!! An intelligent portrayal of this dynamic in many women!!

I know that in one of the university courses my step mom was teaching they had to study that movie.
It honestly explores the self destructive tendencies of young women and girls, and their draw towards such men in search of self worth and maitrise.

For those who did not read all three books- they end up married and parents, and she is a strong woman with an equal amount of power in the relationship.

The first book was almost nothing BUT sex, and written horribly -- so I think we might make a case for females accepting torture that people actually chose to go on and even read the next two books LOL.

I'm glad to hear that by the end of the series she had become functional (though despite, not because of, him). I'm guessing it's as unrealistic as much of the rest of (the first book) it was but I suppose if there is a bright side, it's that from the first one, "Things could only get better." But since I haven't read those books, it would be unfair for me to say, so I'll stop.

I agree many people are drawn to the dom/sub relationships. I just think that was a horrible, like almost worst-possible example of it. Not worst possible, I take that back -- but not good.

Of course, had he been a skinny little guy who was a very successful librarian, 50 million women wouldn't be wanting to wade through his dysfunctions. It helps to be photogenic, rich and have a giant package if you're going to be a psych case.

Actually in rereading this I think I've been kind of being a jerk, a little, but I'm not sure why. I apologize for that.

a reply to: Bluesma

In my opinion the film would have been improved considerable if they had focused on the points you made about his need for structure and control as a troubled teenager and the impact that 'Mrs Robinson' had on this troubled youth. This may be rectified in the other books but not really imparted in the movie, and not knowing the reasons why he became a sub for this woman or any information on his emotional teen angst just left me with the impression that he had issues with women due to his deceased prostitute mother and his abusive childhood, delivering pain to women was a mental and physical revenge against the mother who let him down so badly. As I have said before I haven't read the books so I do not know when Anna finds this information out, but maybe they should have tried to expand (if only slightly) on his past and how he came to be in this position of a dom, this may have given Mr Grey a side you could sympathise with and not just portraying him a control freak who likes hurting women.