Father forces son to hold pink ‘I am a bully’ sign on Texas highway

Kids do pick up behaviour from their parents . Even if we do get our grand parents genes.
Kids that are angels at home and bullies at school are probably acting out frustrations that are from home but can not be dealt with at home.
There are other reasons as well for bullying , but I do not think the punishment fits as the parent is not dealing with it either.
Most people probably know someone, who's kid acts like their parent , the good and the bad.
1%

I guess there are many aspects to this .
There is an ad on tv here about holding your kids hand crossing the road, and it goes like this.
Every action every word we'll be watching we'll be watching you and everything you do .
it's sung.
Lol and it's very true.
It's delicate and the best answer I have seen on here was recomps to the one who was bullied , public or even classroom humiliation probably not the answer. That being said, sometimes extreme calls for extreme depends on the situation.

doobydoll

eletheia



Does it surprise me that the boy is a bully?? No because his father

is a BULLY

You could not have got a firmer parent than me, and YES he should have

been punished, but in a manner that would go in some way to recompense

the victim of his bullying.

Not as the father was doing being the 'bigger' bully. The example the

father is setting is that the boy will now wait till he is bigger and stronger than

his father and he can then proceed to bully him!

You don't know that.

The kid could be bullying for any reason, it could be that he got in with the wrong kids and learned it from them, mimicked their behaviour to 'fit in' or impress them. Maybe this kid is an angel at home and only misbehaves at school/with friends, I know some kids who are exactly like this.

But I'm betting this kid will think twice about bullying again.

Punishment should fit the crime and teach the perpetrator the error of their
ways?

How will this do so? the boy holds up a sign on a highway for random adults to
view the majority probably unaware who he is or even caring!

Surely a better tactic would have been a 'get together' with a group of his peers
and classmates including the 'victim/s' and to make an apology for his behaviour,
reasons for why he felt the need to bully/humiliate, discuss the results of
his actions on his victim/s. More of a 'humbling experience' of himself before his
peers rather than an attempt at humiliation in front of 'random strangers??'

As for 'thinking twice' about bulling again ... he will just become more adept
at concealing it and carry on. After all his best example is his father!!

There's a bit of a fine line here.

Of course the father should be commended for trying to teach his child that bullying is wrong but in something like this it would be very easy to go past punishing and educating to the point of humiliating the child to such an extent that it harms him psychologically.

I suspect some may disagree with me but humiliating and degrading the child could have a deep and lasting effect on him.

At different points in my childhood I was both bullied and was the bullier - it's not nice and it can have a devastating effect on children - and I'm not a fan of all this PC parenting bollocks - I just think there's a very thin line at times between punishment / education and humiliation.

eletheia

doobydoll

eletheia



Does it surprise me that the boy is a bully?? No because his father

is a BULLY

You could not have got a firmer parent than me, and YES he should have

been punished, but in a manner that would go in some way to recompense

the victim of his bullying.

Not as the father was doing being the 'bigger' bully. The example the

father is setting is that the boy will now wait till he is bigger and stronger than

his father and he can then proceed to bully him!

You don't know that.

The kid could be bullying for any reason, it could be that he got in with the wrong kids and learned it from them, mimicked their behaviour to 'fit in' or impress them. Maybe this kid is an angel at home and only misbehaves at school/with friends, I know some kids who are exactly like this.

But I'm betting this kid will think twice about bullying again.

Punishment should fit the crime and teach the perpetrator the error of their
ways?

How will this do so? the boy holds up a sign on a highway for random adults to
view the majority probably unaware who he is or even caring!

Surely a better tactic would have been a 'get together' with a group of his peers
and classmates including the 'victim/s' and to make an apology for his behaviour,
reasons for why he felt the need to bully/humiliate, discuss the results of
his actions on his victim/s. More of a 'humbling experience' of himself before his
peers rather than an attempt at humiliation in front of 'random strangers??'

You mean humiliate him in front of his peers and friends by forcing him to apologise and explain himself to his school and classmates, teachers, peers and most people he knows, which I would imagine would make him squirm more and probably would never forgive you for, or hold a sign in front of complete strangers whizzing by in cars who you will never see again?

Your way is more cruel and damaging than what this man did.

reply to post by doobydoll





You mean his father wasn't forcing him to hold up that banner??

No I don't mean 'humiliating' him in front of his peers. I mean his owning up

to his behaviour, (you don't actually believe he doesn't know it's wrong

to bully and to be doing whatever he was?) on a group discussion basis.

That's what they do in my grand daughters school and it seems to work!

eletheia
Punishment should fit the crime and teach the perpetrator the error of their
ways?

Well, in my case, it was more like "Son, I need to talk to you" (never good) followed by "I hear you've been beating up the other kids lately. I'm going to make a point about that you won't forget. (zip! off comes the belt. arse beating ensues) Was that the sort of thing you've been doing? (yes sir) Did you like that much? (no sir) Do you think they did? (no sir) Want to find out what happens if you keep that up? (no sir) Now you can go get Dan, but before you bring him in, explain why you got his arse whipped too. And Todd after that. Then you three can go work that out.

And that was pretty much that, forever. Point made.

Surely a better tactic would have been a 'get together' with a group of his peers
and classmates including the 'victim/s' and to make an apology for his behaviour,
reasons for why he felt the need to bully/humiliate, discuss the results of
his actions on his victim/s. More of a 'humbling experience' of himself before his
peers rather than an attempt at humiliation in front of 'random strangers??'

Even if I didn't know you were a woman, that would be a giveaway. Guys don't do that sort of thing. You might drag me there, but I'd have had my way with every kid there eventually to make up for it. Nor could you have made me apologize, nor explain anything. I'd have stonewalled you.

And any attempt to force me to - that would also be bullying.

eletheia

doobydoll

eletheia



Does it surprise me that the boy is a bully?? No because his father

is a BULLY

You could not have got a firmer parent than me, and YES he should have

been punished, but in a manner that would go in some way to recompense

the victim of his bullying.

Not as the father was doing being the 'bigger' bully. The example the

father is setting is that the boy will now wait till he is bigger and stronger than

his father and he can then proceed to bully him!

You don't know that.

The kid could be bullying for any reason, it could be that he got in with the wrong kids and learned it from them, mimicked their behaviour to 'fit in' or impress them. Maybe this kid is an angel at home and only misbehaves at school/with friends, I know some kids who are exactly like this.

But I'm betting this kid will think twice about bullying again.

Punishment should fit the crime and teach the perpetrator the error of their
ways?

How will this do so? the boy holds up a sign on a highway for random adults to
view the majority probably unaware who he is or even caring!

Surely a better tactic would have been a 'get together' with a group of his peers
and classmates including the 'victim/s' and to make an apology for his behaviour,
reasons for why he felt the need to bully/humiliate, discuss the results of
his actions on his victim/s. More of a 'humbling experience' of himself before his
peers rather than an attempt at humiliation in front of 'random strangers??'

As for 'thinking twice' about bulling again ... he will just become more adept
at concealing it and carry on. After all his best example is his father!!

edit on 5-10-2013 by eletheia because: (no reason given)

What a load of rubbish

Touchy feely liberal bollocks, sorry, but that really is the reason kids are so brazen

"Let's all sit down and talk about it"

I was bullied at school for a short while, and rest assured, me beating the living hell out of my bully was a lot more effective than a comfy chat with tea and cucumber sandwiches.

Jeez a guy makes his son embarrassed in front of a load of strangers he'll probably never see again, BIG DEAL, the kid will remember that, for sure.

I'm guessing it worked

Could you pass the sandwiches please I have a potential murderer here, and I think some tea might help.

Cody

Unity_99
Oh man I feel for that kid. No wonder he is a bully, he is forced against his will, with what threat, a beating? Who would shame his son, when in every single case I've ever seen bullies come from trouble home lives and abuse towards them, physically reactive dominating parents, one or both, and often substance abuse. What he needs is his core self healed, and to be safe to be a kid.

So your theory is his parents are drug abusing bullies who are bullying him. Looks like he was doing a great job of "core self healing". The PC world would have the kid carry on and some how blame the bullied kids.

Unity_99
Oh man I feel for that kid. No wonder he is a bully, he is forced against his will, with what threat, a beating? Who would shame his son, when in every single case I've ever seen bullies come from trouble home lives and abuse towards them, physically reactive dominating parents, one or both, and often substance abuse. What he needs is his core self healed, and to be safe to be a kid.

How many cases is that ?

And could you post the case studies please, names removed of course.

Cody

reply to post by Bedlam




This applies to the UK I don't know how it applies to US....To your first point


LOL...LOL...LOL...( how I miss that emotion) I guess you must be of a certain
age? As it is illegal to assault your child now.
And I hold my hands up to the odd smack on the behind of my children prior
to their being about five year old ( emphasising smack/slap nothing heavy)
discussion was a bit difficult at that age, more often they were firmly removed
from a warranted situation.


To your second point about refusing to listen ... well now 'guys do do that sort of
thing,' although among their peers. (Lol. they know everything till they discover
they know very little)
They may not listen to 'parents/adults' but here, from about the age of 14yrs
they have PSHE lessons, part of curriculum where they discuss discrimination,
abortion, bullying and such subjects (much as we do here on ATS ... Lol) the
subjects get thrashed out, and like on here I don't suppose firm conclusions are
reached .... but it seems to work!

reply to post by cody599




I think you miss judge me! I was considered to be a very firm disciplinarian
among my circle, and very 'old school' in the belief of "spare the rod and spoil the
child" However I also believe that 'there is more than one way to skin a cat'

Instance, punishing two of my girls for roughly the same wrong doing (too long
ago to remember what) one was grounded, the other had her pocket money
forfeited.The younger (grounded one) came to me and asked why she couldn't
have her pocket money stopped like her sister, and I told her she had been
'punished', and the point of punishment was to 'feel the pain and dwell on the
deed' so that it didn't happen again.

There was no point in giving them both the same punishment as each
didn't mind the punishment of the other!

reply to post by cody599


Don't need to. Its observation, and we've met alot, kids bullied alot, had some of them our house, some of them foster kids. They have destroyed cores. The one has a father that explodes on him and punches/kicks him...!!!!! And teachers know who the bullies are too. And why, troubles at home. I've known what psychology is all my life.

reply to post by Bedlam


It really depends on the individual.

I used to get caned at school nearly every day. Myself and 3 mates were once caned on the stage in assembly in front of the entire year. We laughed. I'd get hit round the head by teachers, hit by wooden yardsticks across the knuckles and have the board brush thrown at me. Trust me, if you catch a board brush in the head, it really hurts. And if the school ever contacted my parents about my misbehaviour, then my father would cane me as well.

I wasn't a bully but i was a little sod. I was always getting into trouble because it was fun. My attitude was that no amount of punishment was going to stop me having fun. I always knew where to draw the line and didn't hit anyone who didn't deserve it. I'd stick up for other kids if they were being picked on but no-one ever thanked me for it. I'd still do it though.

And i think the real problem is that kids nowadays aren't as tough as we were in the 70's. They have it their own way too much. The difference now is that some-one will hospitalise you or beat you to death, but they'll cry if you tap them. It's all upside down. We have a screwed up government, screwing up parents, who then screw up their kids. Discipline isn't discipline any more - it's now common assault. Crazy.

reply to post by eletheia



You sound like a great parent.

eletheia
reply to post by doobydoll

 

You mean his father wasn't forcing him to hold up that banner??

No I don't mean 'humiliating' him in front of his peers. I mean his owning up

to his behaviour, (you don't actually believe he doesn't know it's wrong

to bully and to be doing whatever he was?) on a group discussion basis.

The father DISCIPLINED his son, consequences of bad behaviour, better for him to learn consequences early and quickly so it becomes a way of life, instead of waiting until he's an adult and in jail before he finds out. Teach them the rules and the ways of society in reality. A judge and jury won't be discussing the why's and wherefores if he offends society in adulthood but instead be sentencing him to jail, which is what happens in real life and is what you should be teaching them now. Jail will damage his life far worse than will holding up a sign and a telling off from his dad.

In the PC correct world 'discussing' bad behaviours with kids might work in text book world, but in the real world kids don't/won't listen nor understand because they aren't mature enough to. You expect too much of them and they can't fulfil your expectations. Stop expecting kids to think and behave like they are adults, and instead discipline them.

The solution you describe is precisely humiliation for a child. The solution you describe works with mature-thinking reasonable adults, but you can't expect or force a child to think and reason like an adult. You have to simply tell them they can't harm other people and tell them what the consequences are if they do. If they keep on then the next step is they incur a consequence with a reminder why. No doubt just as this father did with this lad.

Unity_99
Oh man I feel for that kid. No wonder he is a bully, he is forced against his will, with what threat, a beating? Who would shame his son, when in every single case I've ever seen bullies come from trouble home lives and abuse towards them, physically reactive dominating parents, one or both, and often substance abuse. What he needs is his core self healed, and to be safe to be a kid.

Aren't you a bleeding heart.

As a parent, you don't have threaten to beat your kids to make them do stuff. They just do because they respect you as a parent. It's ingrained into them from the time they're babies. Putting that kid on the corner is the smartest and least threatening way to get a point across and my hat's off to the dad. Wish I would have thought of that. I think ALL bullies should be put on a street corner. That would shut them up.

The kid's lucky he aint mine.
If he were, not only would he have to hold up a sign, he'd get his hide tanned, or made to go to school in a pink shirt saying I'm a Bully for a week.
All those that say the dad is wrong: YOU ARE WRONG.
I think the dad was spot on and as Barney Fife said it, 'Nipped it in the Bud'

reply to post by eletheia


When folks confuse "punishment" for bulling, that's when we have a problem. Yikes!

doobydoll

eletheia
reply to post by doobydoll

 

You mean his father wasn't forcing him to hold up that banner??

No I don't mean 'humiliating' him in front of his peers. I mean his owning up

to his behaviour, (you don't actually believe he doesn't know it's wrong

to bully and to be doing whatever he was?) on a group discussion basis.

The father DISCIPLINED his son, consequences of bad behaviour, better for him to learn consequences early and quickly so it becomes a way of life, instead of waiting until he's an adult and in jail before he finds out. Teach them the rules and the ways of society in reality. A judge and jury won't be discussing the why's and wherefores if he offends society in adulthood but instead be sentencing him to jail, which is what happens in real life and is what you should be teaching them now. Jail will damage his life far worse than will holding up a sign and a telling off from his dad.

In the PC correct world 'discussing' bad behaviours with kids might work in text book world, but in the real world kids don't/won't listen nor understand because they aren't mature enough to. You expect too much of them and they can't fulfil your expectations. Stop expecting kids to think and behave like they are adults, and instead discipline them.

The solution you describe is precisely humiliation for a child. The solution you describe works with mature-thinking reasonable adults, but you can't expect or force a child to think and reason like an adult. You have to simply tell them they can't harm other people and tell them what the consequences are if they do. If they keep on then the next step is they incur a consequence with a reminder why. No doubt just as this father did with this lad.

4th grader is what I believe he is, that is 11 years old? How come he has reached

the ripe old age of 11 years to learn that bullying is not appropriate behaviour?

The father being so appalled at his bullying should have picked it up earlier,

and corrected it then. Bullying is learned behaviour at a much earlier age,

usually kindergarten stage. Hmmmn......Wonder where he picked it up from?

It's not something one picks up overnight!

Strange choice. Doesnt seem like a natural and logical consequence to me but I don't know his full story. Now his classmates will see this and turn into the bulliers - making fun of him. I agree with above poster - having him appologize to victims and do some social/emotional work at the school would have been more appropriate.