Replying to eletheia
Typically macho reply.
So that human isn't allowed an opinion -- if they have one and it differs, it seems 'masculine' hence it seems 'macho' hence it is bad?
Maybe macho is sometimes good. Why are we denigrating a man for having an opinion like a man, about a man acting like a father? Is the underlying
problem masculinity in general or what?
I hope this boy see's the light and does not make the same mistakes as I did.
And then beckybecky
replied to that:
i hate bullies and i hope YOU get your just desserts for making this world a horrible place.... bullies deserve severe and sustained punishment
with plenty of pain and they should be stripped of all their assets and made to sleep in cardboard boxes for at least 10 years.
My god. So being a public bully online to sincere, humbled and apologetic people is ok as long as one is safe and anonymous. The only thing worse than
a strong bully in person is a snivelingly hysterical weak one online.
Replying to Logos23
But the attitude of schools that if a child retaliates against a bully it makes them just as bad as the bully is utter bullcrap. It is
stripping a whole generation of young people of necessary skills for life.
I agree. When my daughter was in 5th and 6th grade, she was bullied horribly by one boy. He literally stalked her in the halls, loudly shouted favored
abusive names at her, and she was already shy and easily humiliated so she was just a sort of neon-sign-victim for that age. She reported him
repeatedly until she said, "Mom, there is no point. He's in the dean's office every day anyway. Nothing ever changes. I just miss class." I tried
to talk to the school, no result. It got worse and worse. She begged me to let her homeschool and I said, you need to learn to deal with people, this
is life. I taught her some minor self defense moves. I told her I would absolutely support her if she yelled back or even fought him. (I had a hard
time understanding some of this I expect, because I was a drastically different personality as a child than she is.)
She got more and more depressed, until I would pick her up from school and she would sit glassy-eyed against the window, saying little, and by the
time she was near the end of sixth grade, she was telling me she wanted to die. That there was no point in living. She didn't do schoolwork and when
she did, she left it in her locker, she just didn't care enough to bother with anything any more. She was literally failing and I couldn't even get
the school to proactively work with me to deal with that because they said it was her responsibility not mine, and they wouldn't even give me some
kind of daily 'yes she turned in her work' slip like they had when I was in school. I told her I was going to hire a local soldier to teach her to
fight for real, and promised her I would totally support her kicking this guy's ass -- she NEEDED to stand up for herself. To me it was an issue of
needing to take some empowerment back already. Not to be coddled or defended but to learn to defend herself. But the situation was too far gone by
that point. I pulled her out of public school entirely (thank God I live in Oklahoma) which was the best thing I ever did. (The young bully in
question left school a couple years later when he was caught dealing crack.)
I regret only that I did not pursue the fight-training vastly earlier in her life (I did have her in karate for a couple years, but not enough to make
her particular personality confident apparently). The "early" solution to that kid would have been stopping it. The later reasonable solution would
have been her actually fighting back. I do not see that as unreasonable violence, I see it as a matter of self-respect and courage and needing to feel
a sense of confidence and strength. (Apparently raising her on Xena didn't help lol.)
Well I guess the other thing I regret is that I didn't realize how much schools have changed. When I was in school, there was always a couple or a
few kids who were from fractured drug/violent homes who were unusually dysfunctional, but they were a notable few. Now that is the NORM. Particularly
in poor areas. This makes the environment in school a radically different situation than it was when I was in it. I failed to realize just how
different the environment could be, between the late 70s-early 80s in a well-off California school vs. the late-00's in nowhere Oklahoma. School is
not just 'school.' It's not the same in all times, all places. I suspect most parents, like me, assume that it's pretty similar to whatever we
experienced. That is not always the case.