reply to post by arpgme
I don't know what most people feel. I do hear often the axiom that desire is the source of suffering, which I don't relate to.
I sometimes think boredom
is the more likely culprit?
Unless I choose to focus on some sort of goal to motivate me, indifference and apathy make the world a grey blank for me.... I can easily fall into
something that I think might be depression, though it doesn't have the quality of "sadness" or pain- it is like my physical body starts to just run
down. I get tired, sick, forget to eat...
I used to not care if this happened, but then I had kids and a husband, and when I would start to waste away like that, it would upset them and they
would try to shake me up.
I put forth goals, intents, motivations for myself now, and not necessarily to have them, but to motivate myself to move forward- to have a direction,
a curiosity, an appetite for moving onto the next moment.
Sometimes I choose goals that I secretly know I cannot achieve, just to relish the process or trip of heading towards it. It happens sometimes that I
suddenly have the opportunity to have those goals confronting me and that is always a choice of either accepting it (then having to create a whole
other imaginary carrot) or make some excuse to hold it off and "miss" that train.
In general, my goals don't have much to do with possessions- possessions make me feel very insecure. The more crap you have, the more you have to
weigh on you and get in the way. Like body surfing is great, but once there is a surfboard involved, you run the risk of getting your bones broken or
your head knocked out by it in a wave. Life is like that to me. I prefer body surfing.
But I do set goals like to master a certain skill (why I like the ones that never have a "ending" like horsemanship) , to see a certain place,
experience a certain activity.
The desire suddenly makes forms, colors, and contrasts come out of the grey, and I start to feel a momentum in a certain direction. I have no idea why
people consider that "suffering".
It is like riding a motorcycle through a beautiful winding mountain road and complaining about the trip and the need to arrive at your destination and