Love the thread title and your sense of humor. The subject is an issue for me too.
My diet has been poor for many years, and I used to eat the way you described - lots of junk carb foods. Pasta with parmesan was a staple, red meat,
sandwiches, mac & cheese, pastries, snacks, and all that was the mainstay. My body didn't process it well, but I didn't care because it was all so
good. A bagel plugs me up for days, as does pumpkin pie (which I LOVE). Eventually, I got tired of feeling like . . . well . . . crap.
So, I stopped eating all those goodies and cleaned up the diet. Lucky for me, I am retired and had the time to devote to doing this. I don't like
to cook, so there had to be work-arounds. It's a harsh adjustment, which brings me to my suggestions for you.
Make changes to your diet in moderation. Completely changing your dietary habits while you're working and have other things going on sets you up for
failure and isn't practical either. It requires a lot of thought, attention, acting deliberately vs. automatically, more planning, dealing with the
frustration of doing it at all, and getting irritated that the problem exists! Been there. It's not easy. But it can be done.
So, thinking moderation: Instead of three pieces of bread with the mac & cheese, try one piece and add a salad (roughage and liquid), for instance.
Cut back a bit on the frequency you eat pizza. Have your beloved chocolate but buy a better brand with less sugar and no unpronounceable ingredients
in it and only eat half the bar. Eat more fruit (even if you're not crazy about it), drink more water (NOT sugared liquids), consume less bread.
(I'm suggesting "less" bread, not "no" bread, so don't freak out on me, okay?!) and make sure it's whole grain and not the processed white
Better carbs (the so-called "complex carbs) digest more slowly and keep you feeling full longer. I'll attach a link to a comprehensive list of
complex carb foods that might help you make better choices for your meals and snacks to keep you going (I meant energy-wise but both meanings are
List of Complex Carbohydrates