reply to post by wildtimes
After I joined ATS and began browsing the religious forums you and I had a few conversations, and if I remember correctly, we hit it off
Like you, I too want to know what makes people tick. I too am always seeking and always asking questions. Not only that, we want the answer known to
us, by us. We want to know first hand if something is genuine or not, via our own personal understanding.
Religion comes in all forms and colors. From the time I can remember I was on a van going to Sunday School. Huge Bibles laid around my Grandmothers
home and we spoke of God often, My mother played the organ in church and my father was a minister. My step dad was Catholic. My step dad was always
telling me to find my own way and ask me "what came first, the chicken or the egg"? I always pondered that, and was destined, I felt like, to provide
the answer to myself.
My grandmother had a lot to do with raising me and my other cousins. We are a close nit family. This woman is like Superwoman who taught us to be
givers. I grew up watching her go from hospital to hospital taking care of friends and family. Shaving them, washing their hair, taking them clothes.
Neighbors received milk, eggs, and bread from her and she always helped. People would come in, they would eat a good meal, and be about their way. She
feeds about ten plus almost every night still. If you have ever been there, you are welcomed back anytime. If you are hungry, you will eat!
I thought everyone did this, everyone lived this way.... ya know, the "Southern way".
I went to a Church of Christ school and was kicked out two years later because I had a dance. I never really liked it there. The Bible teacher was
never "preaching" the same message. I noticed contradictions and felt some of the messages, well, didn't feel right. Most of the time, it was the same
kind of messages that didn't "feel" right. I asked too many questions, so sat outside the class most of the time.
Long story short.. I lost my step son to Leukemia in 1999, he was 15. He fought this disease for five years. Sadly, It would always come back. We
lived in and out of hospitals and as you could imagine.... I spoke with God all the time. Sometimes I screamed and sometimes I begged.
The church I attended during those years became foreign to me. Switching pastors and the way we did things... I don't know. It got weird. After Josh
died some of the members "saw" Josh or spoke with him. I didn't believe it.
Tried to go to a few other church's. A Baptist church was one of the ones I tried. My husband and I got a visit soon after from two of the preachers.
They explained it was my husbands "sins" that caused Josh to get sick.
Another pastor told me it was a mystery... where Josh was now residing, if he was.
I became a hard core seeker. Reading for hours, studying, and talking to God. Asking for help, asking for answers, and just wanting to prove to myself
there is indeed an after life.
I read about ten books a week for five years on so many subjects! Science, Religions, Light, Space, Time, Dimensions, NDE, OBE, and on and on..... I
got to where I was almost afraid to live when I went outside. I got anxiety driving on the interstate. Every time my son got sick, I thought he may
die. If it stormed I would run to my grandmothers at any time of the night thinking a tornado was coming and would kill us. I realized I had no
control over life, and I was frightened. I learned through reading.... what I was doing by reading so much. I learned why I was so scared. All the
self help paid off. I had Post Traumatic Syndrome.
I learned a lot and still learning... still asking. This above is what makes me "tick".
Where am I at today? Im not afraid to live and have raised two great teens. Overcoming matter with my spirit is what I do.. daily. I believe this
because I have been lead to believe this. Those five years of reading was an open invitation. The Word and inspiration I receive through reading is
sometimes jaw dropping. I feel as though I have revelations all the time. I am of no religion still... don't feel the need to label. I believe in a
Creator, who is creative and already knows what the masterpiece looks like. We are allowed to paint it with our will... because he is a giver just
like my Grandmother.
edit on 24-2-2013 by MamaJ because: (no reason given)