Being pregnant when your boss is male!

The universe is hostile, innit?

Originally posted by Crakeur
Employer's point of view:

Employee is pregnant and, therefore, cannot be around the chemicals used in cleaning the dogs. Easy route, switch the employee to a position she can fill during her pregnancy.

It has nothing to do with the chemicals on the dogs, they are all natural. It's just the mopping which really hasn't been an issue. I clean the tubs out if need be and I wipe cages down but deep cleaning well I don't want to inhale those fumes. Now the other person is there and she can do the cleaning. It's the way I was spoken to about these things and how they never came to me and just went behind my back that bothered me. i'm not incompetent just pregnant.

You sound like you want to be paid for the cleaning and not clean as a result of the chemicals.

I never said I wanted to be paid for cleaning, cleaning comes with the job. It would be nice to get an hourly rate even if it were minimal. I cleaned up until I was pregnant but now since I am paranoid of anything happening with the baby I'm cautious of chemicals...just like I have been told to by my doctor. I don't even do it at home which for me is hard cause I'm a clean freak! I clean less than I use to and I'm very cautious with how i do it at home. I don't have my fiancee home with me, he is overseas so I have no choice but to do it at home. The smell of some of the products makes me dizzy. I cover my face but that doesn't help much and it makes it hard to breathe.

While that would, of course, be ideal, the reality is, your employer is providing you with a paying gig and finding a way to have you earn your keep. As an employer, I would do the same thing. I wouldn't pay someone to sit around and do nothing.

Again TYPICAL male answer. Where did I EVER friggin say I was trying to get out of anything? That is YOUR assumption. I can't lift or be around heavy cleaning, that is it. It's not that big of a deal and it's only for a few months! Also I DO NOT get paid hourly. I am only paid if my hands are on a dog so yea anything I do in that shop is for free and to their benefit not mine.

I wasn't suppose to have kids so excuse me for being very cautious as to not lose my kid. Sorry I'm thinking of my child and not some selfish prick who can't have kids let alone know how it feels to have to make sure the kid comes out ok. I have had to change a lot of things in my life because I'm worried something will go wrong. I didn't even get excited until I went ot my first doctors visit because I was so worried something was wrong and I still am. When you prepare yourself to never have kids and they it happens you are EXTRA cautious to make sure everything goes ok but you will never understand that because you are a man. You can say all you want about being pregnant but unless you can experience it you will never understand.

The fact that your employer is a guy has nothing to do with it. He's a business owner, he needs to have employees that do the work he's hired them for.

It has everything to do with it. If he was female he'd understand that not every pregnancy is the same. Some are high risk and certain precautions need to be taken. I have worked with men in the past who thought cramps were something all women get the same well newsflash again not true. I would get violently sick from my periods. You think that is fun? NO but unless you have experience that you can't understand. I had a boss, male, completely discriminate me because of my cramps and try and write me up over it, well his tune changed when my doctor faxed him with legal action in a very nice and pleasant manner. He even apologized! So yes my boss being a male has A LOT to do with it. He is talking out his rear about something he will never understand. I am not like some women who quit the moment they find out they're pregnant. I wanted to keep working up until I'm not able to. I have no problem with that. I get bored easily if I'm not busy!

You cannot do it so he's finding you an alternative.

That is called discrimination and there are laws against it. When you are pregnant an employer is NOT allowed to discriminate and when you take your leave they have to let you come back to your same position or one with equal pay. So again you are wrong and they are wrong.

I would be surprised to learn that this was a fully on the books gig and, if not, be happy he doesn't cut you loose which he could easily do if the gig is "freelance" or outside the realm of payroll.

Well be surprised then cause it is on the books. You know nothing of what you spout off about and you know nothing of how grooming works. Let me educate you. Grooming is paid per dog, it's based on dogs you work on which doesn't equate to "off the books" or "freelance." It doesn't pay much either and neither does grooming.

Originally posted by nixie_nox
You can buy a mask to filter the fumes. Or maybe invest in green products.

My friend and I have talked about the mask thing but now we have someone else she has doing the cleaning which isn't daily. As for going green yea that is something the owners would have to pay for. I don't make enough to pay for their cleaning products.

Originally posted by Mrgone
Alright ladies, please don't crucify me

OP, I know your venting but you brought your story here so I believe you know what you were in for by posting this.

You make $100 a week plus tips. I know that must be hard to live on. Believe me,I do. What made you think that bringing a child into that situation was a good idea. You undoubtedly struggle with food for yourself, how are you planning to pay for a second mouth? I sincerely hope that you weren't expecting more money from your dog grooming job.

First off my income is really irrelevant. My fiancee is the "bread winner" so to speak. My income is just secondary for me. I took this job to make some money of my own and to get out of a job I was in before so $100 bucks a week plus tips is ok and much better than what i did before. I have no problem feeding myself or even a second mouth. Money is not the issue here, it's the treatment I got from someone who to my face is completely different and today showed their true colors.

I hope venting here helped your mood a bit. It does a sound like you should change jobs. Your boss is crap if your version of the story is true.

Yea well a little birdie said something to me about my boss a while back that now is ringing true in my head after today. I honestly never thought he'd be like that but hey people will surprise you.

Yes venting always helps which is why the rant forum is one I like....and I enjoy other peoples rants. Sometimes you just need to vent!

Don't quit until you have something else locked. No rash decisions, your making them for two now

Good luck, sincerely

Nah I'm not the type to quit or let someone run me off. I'm very stubborn that way esp when I know I do my job. IF he had a problem with my two minimal restrictions he should have said something to me previously instead of go diva on me with an attitude. I don't appreciate people who talk behind my back and then are another way to my face. It's wrong and unprofessional.

I have definitely not stayed at this job for as long as I have for the money. I have stayed for my friend and I like the job and could honestly careless about the two owners. She is the one who has made that shop, they do nothing, it is all her and she is the reason I have stayed. She is a good person and has helped me in many ways and I would never want to leave her high and dry.

Thank you

Keep an eye out for new employment?

Maybe you could see if your previous employer is hiring if it was better wages?

Hope something works out for you.

considered waiting tables at fine dining?

Originally posted by dollukka
reply to post by Mrgone

 

You made assumption she is raising child alone ?

We shouldn´t judge anyone by the few lines written here at ATS, cos we don´t really know anything about her or her hubbys or anything what comes to her family and finacial issues.

edit on 13-12-2012 by dollukka because: (no reason given)

Thank you and exactly..

There are a lot of assumptions going around it seems.

For the record I have a fiancee he just works and lives overseas most of the time.

Originally posted by MountainLaurel
Good Luck with your upcoming "bundle of Joy"......as wonderful as it all can be, lol, this is just starting... having to make decisions between your child and your career is a VERY difficult challenge for all concerned......it sucks !

Thank you however this isn't a career to me it's just a job. I really don't plan on doing this for life. It's a good skill to know because there is money in it once you learn the full grooming aspect.

I do agree with others that say try and seek employment more compatable to being a Mommy too....your employer doesn't sound like he's going to be cool with all the demands a new baby needs, and if you decide to nurse your baby, it's important to have some flexability in your schedule....trust me on this, it will tear your soul out to have to choose between your baby and your job.

As I have stated before jobs here are few and far between. I have been looking since well forever. I am more than likely going to have to move, after the baby is born, to where I use to live. I know I'd have better chances there work and just help with the baby in general since my family is there.

Funny thing is my boss had told my friend that they would make the back part of the shop a nursery if need be so I could bring the baby and not have to worry about missing work or child care. I wasn't worried about work because I knew I could take off for as long as I needed and come back when i was able to. It's a small shop only two of us well three now. So I was a little surprised at his attitude today.

Maybe start your own little business? Dog sitting, house call grooming....? Take Care....eat healthy and try not to stress out....your going to be a good Mommy.......

Thank you

I do have an Etsy shop and was planning on making things for it once I couldn't work and flipping some of my awesome vintage finds. I am also going to self publish a cookbook on Amazon. I like this job but it isn't one I'd want to do for life or make my own business out of. I'd much rather have a nice little cafe that serves breakfast and brunch. I like working with the animals but it's not something I'd want to do long term.

Thank you!

Originally posted by mblahnikluver
I can't lift or be around heavy cleaning, that is it.

Then you can't do the work. I'm not trying to be obtuse but you seem to be saying that you want to get paid for work you cannot do.

Originally posted by mblahnikluver
I am only paid if my hands are on a dog so yea anything I do in that shop is for free and to their benefit not mine.

I'm confused. You work in a dog grooming/cleaning place and the people that work there only get paid if they deal with dogs? If so, sit there and wait for a dog related task that you can handle. Don't do things that aren't related to the task you were hired to do.

As to your aggression and your "typical male" comment, I won't bother getting into a shouting match with you over my thoughts, and your perception of them, on the way pregnant employees should be handled because I cannot compare my office, where a pregnant woman can work without health hazzards. I will simply say that, as an employer (not a man), I would be utilizing my work force economically and without putting them in any health risk. I will also say that I would never, ever, ask an employee to do something for me that is out of the scope of their employment without paying them for the service. Case in point, I have never asked an employee to get me something from outside of the office, I have never asked them to perform a task unrelated to the business I operate, other than inquiring as to their willingness to babysit my kids and, if they did do that, they were paid for it.

Hell, our cleaning service closed up shop and my secretary took my garbage out each night so I gave her a raise to compensate her for doing something she wasn't required to do.

She quit, guess who takes my garbage out now? Me. Not the new secretary. She offers. I say no. Not her job.


So, yeah, toss your anti-male aggression all over the place when, in reality, it seems you are being suckered into doing things for your employer that are not part of your job requirement. Seems to me you are going to wind up either dealing with the chem smell (bad idea, bad for the baby) or trying to find new employment.



in any event, do what's best for you, and the baby because there's nothing more important than the health of you, and your child and, having dealt with two bed rest pregnancies, I can say that being able to be miserable and unpaid, outside of your home, is probably preferable to being stuck in bed all day and night.

At least that's what my wife would tell you.

and, lastly, congrats on the pregnancy. babies are so much fun.



until they learn to walk and talk.


then you're doomed.

Originally posted by Mrgone

Originally posted by dollukka
reply to post by Mrgone

 

You made assumption she is raising child alone ?

We shouldn´t judge anyone by the few lines written here at ATS, cos we don´t really know anything about her or her hubbys or anything what comes to her family and finacial issues.

edit on 13-12-2012 by dollukka because: (no reason given)

Like I said, she brought it

And in her own words she really needs the job. Doesn't sound like her man is all that financially present

How about it OP? Care to elaborate on your plans?


PS. I'm off to the store so I'll be back later to catch up on the conversation. OP, don't be shy.

edit on 13-12-2012 by Mrgone because: groceries

I don't need the job per say I need it for my sanity and to have some sense of self worth and independence. I didn't work for a few months and went nuts. I am very independent and I am not use to someone "taking" care of me. It was really hard for me to deal with. I have always worked and did my own thing without relying on another. It may not have been the job everyone wanted me to have nor was it one I wanted but it was a job and I was able to provide for myself. I hated that job but had to work or be homeless. I haven't been there in almost 2yrs and well it's been nice but it's been hard trying to find work that pays a decent wage around here.

I have to work or I go nuts! I was out of work for three months and I drove my fiancee nuts and myself nuts.

My fiancee is very "financially" present. He just isn't here physically. He works overseas so he isn't here all the time. He takes very good care of me. He is wonderful to me and I can be a butt sometimes because I'm stubborn and want to work on my own but right now it's not possible so he has to take care of things and for me it's hard to deal with after being independent my entire adult life. I like to work and back when jobs were a dime a dozen I'd have two jobs even three if need be. So working isn't a problem for me it's just lack of employment where I live.

reply to post by mblahnikluver

I was told not to lift or be around cleaning products per my doctor and well now it seems my boss has a problem with that and has thrown it in my face. I have since been pushed out of my position as bather and been told i have to "groom" now and well that is money out of my pocket i really need

Ok so, this is the main reason.

Let look at this.

If i was a boss and i let a pregnant person work near chemical and get birth defect, and take the full blame and loose companies money... i would be stupid.

Normally, Bosses would move pregnant people to do different job. However they should not lower your pay.


Why do i detect sexism in this thread? in my experience, female bosses are much worse, and they don't hide it.

reply to post by mblahnikluver


You can sit and try to justify the little rant session you have going on here but you need to wake up and smell the coffee. You should be taking a medical leave of absence or switching jobs. You think it is hard and stressful now just wait its going to get a lot more rough. If you cant handle this you're going to break. The sad truth is you cant do your job so your boss is trying to not lose too much money.

Just wait until the nights you have to wake up every half an hour with your baby and deal with the stress of actually being a parent. You will look back at this time and miss the stress free days.

A while back, my hair stylist got pregnant and couldn't do perms or color anymore because of the chemicals. She was restricted to doing cuts and shampoos only, but never complained. I tipped her a bit more because I knew she was making less money. I'm sure other clients did too. She was just so nice! She was always pleasant and cheerful. An awesome listener, too. She was simply happy to be pregnant after trying for two years. When her baby was born, he wasn't fussy at all and smiled all the time.

The real kicker was that after her pregnancy, she suddenly developed an allergy to the chemicals and was restricted to doing only cuts and shampoos. She eventually had to find a new job.
To this day, I've never found a hairstylist I like better than her.
It sucks that the worst things happen to the people who try their best to take things in stride.
Good luck, mblah.

Originally posted by SimKey
The author of this thread made choices which lead to consequences not entirely unexpected. Author wants special treatment for a common condition. Employer does not have to accommodate.

Author has the option to find other work.

Um again you must be male with the terms you are using.

Where the HELL did I EVER ask for special treatment?! I didn't so don't make up words and phrases that don't exist and were not there.

I don't want to be discriminated against because I'm pregnant and doctors orders tell me not to do a couple things. It would be NO different than someone who is sick and has doctors orders not to do something or not to lift something.

Condition? Wow again, you must be male to call pregnancy a condition.

And yes the employer DOES have to accommodate. There are LAWS against discriminating against pregnant women. Im pregnant not physically disabled! Just because I can't lift a certain amount doesn't mean it hinders my job. My job is NOT to lift it's to bathe or groom a dog. I have serious back problems from an accident earlier this year and being pregnant is making some of them worse and to be safe I'm not suppose to lift anything so sorry I'm thinking of MY CHILD before some selfish jerks business.

Originally posted by lobotomizemecapin
So you made the choice to get pregnant. Why should your employer have to pay for your mistakes. should they have to still give you a pay check when you are obviously unable to do the work? Should he have to pay to support you? Its not that I dont understand bc I do but there are consequences to your actions. You are there to make your boss money not for them to take care of you. Just bc you are pregnant doesnt mean the world needs to bend over for you and take care of you. Get a job that you can do in your condition and stop whining about not getting handouts. Pregnant women are terrible company as well. There is a lot of whining a huge amount of bathroom breaks and the gas is awful.

edit on 13-12-2012 by lobotomizemecapin because: (no reason given)

I am beyond sickened by the misogny and ignorance of comments like that.

Earth, about the humans. Women, give birth, and they don't usually get to choose this. Most important job, child rearing, after that food, shelter, health and education. All else greed and gravy.

ABC's, and 123's.

Love and make the world FOR ALL CHILDREN.

Men who don't like that ARE NOT MEN.

PERIOD.

Pregnancy and children are not like going to the store and choosing to buy a pet.

GROW UP.

The world does NOT revolve around men, and dog eat dog and their big fancy cars. IT REVOLVES AROUND MOTHERS AND CHILDREN.

This is preschool ABC's of Life 101.

I am going to have to call some things out here. I have never seen such backpeddling in a thread.

First off, if you are a high risk pregnancy because you don't have any ovaries, but didn't plan this pregnancy, how did you get pregnant? Last I checked, a woman needs ovaries in order to get pregnant.

Then you say several times in your introduction that you need this job and you need the money, but only a few posts later, you say that your fiance can provide for you, that you only work in order to keep busy.

You get mad because they hire another person, who says they don't need the job but just want to get out of the house, yet your next page, you are saying you are only doing the job because you need to get out of the house.

then you say you can't work around chemicals but then say the products and the dogs are natural.

Then you say that you were training to be a groomer, got morning sickness for two months, had to back off from training, come back, and want to start training again.

Even after that allowance, you say that the owner said that they will even put a nursery in the back so you can come back to work, which is highly illegal btw. So apparently you can allow something highly illegal if it benefits you, but the fact that they get mad because of all your stipulations, then that is illegal and screw their shop, your kid is more important.

THEN you say you can do the job, but that you can't lift anything, can't be around the chemicals,even natural ones apparently, can't clean, and will dictate what dogs you will do based on their temperment.

So you start this thread on how you don't like being treated as less then competent, despite all your stipulations.

You think you can make decisions such as letting people home early. You have all these stipulations, yet you think you can be at the shop. Their questions are, what if the next walk in client is a great dane? WTH would you do with it? And your only response is that you can handle.

Either you can handle them, or you can't.

So you think you can make decisions without having to talk to the owner, yet you think the owner has to notify you if they hire someone for THEIR business! To do ALL the things you claim you can't do.

YET, you have already started another thread, where you complain that everyone babies you just because your pregnant, and you don't like being babied!!!

Good god woman, no wonder they want you out.

Originally posted by gwynnhwyfar
reply to post by mblahnikluver

 

Mblah,

When I was in my early twenties I was a groomer and I can relate to every single thing you just said!! I went through my first pregnancy while I was grooming. Wait until you come back afterwards and they expect you to be 100% right off the bat. It took me months to recover after my first baby. Not to mention taking breaks to pump milk - I got lots of eye rolling on that one, too.

Oh wow! Finally someone who understands and knows I'm not asking for special treatment or anything of the sort! It's just called respect and human understanding!

I know you are upset about having to train another bather, but the good thing is, at least your shop believed you when you said you can't lift any more, and didn't ask you to carry on as usual.

They didn't tell me about this person til the day before when the one owner made a comment to my friend and i had to ask her what that was about. They didn't even tell me. I hadn't been lifting anything in a while before that. Also it's not like every dog I can't lift just the big ones we get and that isn't often. Most our dogs are small ones.

At my shop, my friend who taught me how to groom was like an amazon, she was tall and strong, and she had done everything she normally did while she was pregnant, plus the owner didn't have any children, so she had that attitude like you mentioned, that it's like having a minor illness, just inconvenient, nothing more. I luckily didn't have any problems with my first pregnancy, but the next is another story.

My friend and I had no problems with lifting before. We are both petite but are pretty strong otherwise lol so now it's really weird that I can't lift like i use to. Heck even lifting the laundry basket seems like a ton lol I'm very weak lately and for me that is not normal.

After I had my first son, I got pregnant again. The way I found out I was pregnant the second time is that I was lifting a large dog into the tub (I worked for a small shop where the groomers bathed their own dogs) and I started bleeding, and it wasn't my period. The bleeding stopped right away, I took a pregnancy test and it was positive, so I thought it must have been implantation bleeding. I told myself everything must be ok, since the bleeding had stopped.

Wow!! I knew when my period was late and it never is. I was also sick every day for a week and knew something wasn't right but being pregnant wasn't a thought because as far as I knew having kids wasn't a possibility or so I thought. I took 3 tests and they were positive. It took me a while to process it.

I made an appt to see an Obgyn, but they couldn't get me in for my first visit for a few weeks. Before the date of my appt, I miscarried the baby. I think now that when I lifted the big dog, it damaged something and that is why I miscarried a few days later.

Oh I'm sorry This is why I'm worried about lifting anything.

I would stay away from the flea dip, too. I always thought it was probably terribly unhealthy to breathe that stuff, even when you aren't pregnant.

We don't use dips we have a flea shampoo that isn't pretty light and doesn't really have a smell. I no longer bathe so I don't have to worry about any of the shampoos which are all mostly all natural.

I'm sorry to hear how how you are being treated, it seems to be par for the course at some of these places. My friend and I started a grooming association thinking maybe we could work together with other groomers to try to get better treatment from shops, but it didn't go anywhere. I eventually went back to school and got out of grooming.

Take good care of yourself!
Gwynn

Thank you for the advice and comment.

I never worked in grooming before and the whole business needs stricter rules and better guidelines and some kind of actual pay scale. I am doing this job til I can get something more suited to myself and school was an option til I found out I was pregnant so I will have to put it off for another year. I am more than likely moving back to where I grew up after discussing with my fiancee about what happened. I know I could find a better job there and be much happier. I haven't been happy in this area since I moved here so I think a change is definitely needed. I can't "grow" in this area so to speak and i need that.

reply to post by nixie_nox


Best. Reply. Ever.


Her story does have a lot of holes in it and you outlined all of them very nicely.

reply to post by mblahnikluver

Oh wow! Finally someone who understands and knows I'm not asking for special treatment or anything of the sort! It's just called respect and human understanding!

Yep, that's right. Plus, a lot of these posters don't understand the grooming business. I'm assuming you are cleaning up around the shop and so on, when you mentioned all the stuff you are doing while you wait for dogs. I used to do the same thing. The pet shop I groomed at had its own employees to serve customers, but since we groomers usually got in first, and we (obviously) love animals, we would always clean the puppies cages because the poor things always pooped all over during the night, swept up around the bird cages, made bows to put in the dogs hair, vacuumed the shop, and so on and so forth. If you are a groomer, not an employee, you don't get paid for any of your time doing that stuff, while one of the actual pet shop employees would have.

People also don't know about the pay structure. In the shops I worked in, we got a percent of the price of the groom, and the shop got the rest. I only worked in one shop that had bathers, at the other shops I worked at we groomers bathed our own dogs. I started at the pet shop, then went to a grooming salon but the commute was really long, then I went to a kennel closer to home, and then back to the first pet shop.

Most pay a percentage, but some pay you the full price of the groom, and then the groomer pays "rent" that covers the grooming table, use of tub, dryers, shampoos/dips, and gives you access to the customer list the shop has built up. The groomer purchases and maintains their own equipment, clippers, blades, scissors, coolant spray, clipper oil, etc.. People would be surprised to know that a good pair of grooming scissors runs $100 and up (that was 24 years ago, might be even more now) and that if they are dropped on the floor just ONCE it usually ruins them. It's not always easy to avoid dropping your scissors when you are working on an untrained, wiggling dog, that someone brings in "every year, whether she needs it or not".

None of this is "below the table" as somebody implied. Your shop reports your income at the end of the tax year, just like anywhere.

You also get to act as a vet assistant - many times you will shave down a poodle whose fur is so matted it is turning into felt, and discover underneath that the poor thing has a rubber band wrapped around its leg that has dug into he skin and produced a wound and infection. Not to mention the many many times you have to tell the owner their dog has fleas, and they say, "but she sleeps with me. Every night!"

I had another post that I think got missed because it went to two pages right after I posted it:

Most of the commenters clearly don't know anything about grooming. There are things that good shops can do that help protect their employees health and safety, regardless of whether they are pregnant of not. They can use safe products and ventilate the bathing area well. They can have ramps to walk large dogs into the tub and up to the grooming tables. They can keep enough people on staff so that you can assist each other. It is any employer's responsibility to provide a safe work environment.

I am normally quite strong too, so I really didn't make any changes with my first pregnancy, although in hind sight, I should have given what happened next. I did eventually conceive again, and I had my second son a few years later, and believe me, I was very careful during that pregnancy!

I never worked in grooming before and the whole business needs stricter rules and better guidelines and some kind of actual pay scale. I am doing this job til I can get something more suited to myself and school was an option til I found out I was pregnant so I will have to put it off for another year. I am more than likely moving back to where I grew up after discussing with my fiancee about what happened. I know I could find a better job there and be much happier. I haven't been happy in this area since I moved here so I think a change is definitely needed. I can't "grow" in this area so to speak and i need that.

If you are able to move back, you should definitely go for it! Especially since your hubby is supporting you in that.

reply to post by Afterthought

You people are being really hard on her with no cause. Please go troll somewhere else. Mblah posted in the rant section because she is frustrated. She doesn't have to defend herself to you lot. Move on and go pick on somebody else.

reply to post by gwynnhwyfar


I know you want to be sympathetic to a person who is walking the same road you did, but look at the bigger picture.
You sound like a very reasonable person. While you talk about cleaning cages during your grooming down time, she's prepared for the same down time by bringing a book to read.
Just because you've both been down the same path, doesn't mean you're two peas in a pod with the same personalities.
Have you ever owned a pair of $500 shoes? Have you ever wanted to own a $500 pair of shoes?
I think mblah sounds like she was a complainer long before she ever got pregnant. Now, she just has a good excuse for her uppity attitude.
I've also worked in pet stores with pregnant coworkers. They always obeyed their doctor's orders and complained very little about the circumstances of their pregnancy and work restrictions. It's just what you have to do to insure your health as well as that of your unborn child. Not to mention the fact that you don't want your employer thinking you're a liability by acting like a loose canon.
Open your eyes. You two aren't the same people.
Mblah even thinks it's OK to work with flea shampoo. Give me a break!