Advice needed for a new Christian

Dear denizens of the AboveTopSecret RF&T sub-forum. I have recently converted to Christianity.

Bush and the Bible: A Letter to George Bush

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are only purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this only applies to people from Greenland, but not Americans. Can anybody clarify? Why can't I own Americans?
   
   
2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In today's economy, what do you think would be a fair price for her?
   
   
3. I understand that I am allowed absolutely no contact with a woman during her time of menstrual uncleanliness, as is stated clearly in Leviticus 15:19-24. The problem is, how am I supposed to know? I have tried asking, but women seem to take offense to this question.
   
   
4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord, as is mentioned in Leviticus 1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They complain that the odor is unpleasant and repugnant. Should I smite them?

Are you really taking this crap seriously? Not even most people that were raised as Christians do...

Oh, I read #2 and now I'm sure this is a joke... right?

reply to post by Xaphan

Dear denizens of the AboveTopSecret RF&T sub-forum. I have recently converted to Christianity. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are only purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this only applies to people from Greenland, but not Americans. Can anybody clarify? Why can't I own Americans?
   
   
2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In today's economy, what do you think would be a fair price for her?
   
   
3. I understand that I am allowed absolutely no contact with a woman during her time of menstrual uncleanliness, as is stated clearly in Leviticus 15:19-24. The problem is, how am I supposed to know? I have tried asking, but women seem to take offense to this question.
   
   
4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord, as is mentioned in Leviticus 1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They complain that the odor is unpleasant and repugnant. Should I smite them?
   
   
5. I also have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states that anybody who works on the Sabbath shall be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I contact the police and have them do it?
   
   
6. Eating shellfish is an abomination like it says in Leviticus 11:10. A friend of mine however, feels that it is a 'lesser' abomination than homosexuality or murder. I disagree. I think all abominations are equal. Can you settle this? Are there various 'degrees' of abomination?
   
   
7. Leviticus 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I must admit that I do wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here? Does this also mean that my grandfather must avoid the altar of God because he is legally blind in one eye?
   
   
8. Most of my male friends and family get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, and shave their face every day, even though this is expressly forbidden in Leviticus 19:27. If I can convince them to stop now, will they be able to avoid going to hell?
   
   
9. I know from Leviticus 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but am I still permitted to play football if I wear gloves?
   
   
10. My uncle lives on a farm. He violates Leviticus 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also has a tendency to curse and blaspheme occasionally while working in his fields. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them like it says in Leviticus 24:10-16? Wouldn't it be much easier to just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who have sexual relations with their in-laws? (Leviticus 20:14)
    
    
11. When I was in college I knew a girl in my algebra class and we became good friends during that semester. Recently, she invited my family and I to her wedding which is to take place next July. I know for a fact that in her college days she had several boyfriends and had sexual relations with them. According to Deuteronomy 22:13-21, any woman who is not a virgin on her wedding night is to be stoned to death by all local men. Here's the quandary: When I gather the local males to carry out this deed, should we organize the stoning before or after the wedding? The scriptures aren't very clear on that one detail.
    
    Last Sunday I was in church and told a woman to be quiet when I heard her speak before the sermon. Everybody turned on their heel and looked at me like I was a big jerk, but 1 Corinthians 14:34 specifically states that it is shameful for a woman to speak in church. Did I have the right to silence her?
    

I know most of you have studied these things extensively and thus have considerable knowledge and expertise in these matters, so I am confident that you will be able to give me sound advice. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

edit on 8-12-2012 by Xaphan because: (no reason given)

Looks like the OP has been copy-pasted from somewhere else.

politicalhumor.about.com...

reply to post by sk0rpi0n


Zing!!!

Why OP why?

Nice try but you have to get up early to pull a fast one on Skorp.

Originally posted by sk0rpi0n

reply to post by Xaphan

 

Looks like the OP has been copy-pasted from somewhere else.

politicalhumor.about.com...

edit on 8-12-2012 by sk0rpi0n because: (no reason given)

Phew.

Yes, it is a joke, but is meant to be taken seriously when raising the question: Why do people pick and choose which parts of the bible they follow?

I've actually been asking about these specific passages for years now and have never received a satisfactory answer as to why such things are no longer practiced, when the bible is supposed to be followed in its entirety.

It's amazing that people go to great lengths to denigrate others because they subscribe to a particular faith.

What do YOU believe?... In yourself?!

reply to post by Xaphan


Should have just asked them eh?
I would like to see the questions answered though.

Originally posted by Xaphan
Yes, it is a joke, but is meant to be taken seriously when raising the question: Why do people pick and choose which parts of the bible they follow?

I've actually been asking about these specific passages for years now and have never received a satisfactory answer as to why such things are no longer practiced, when the bible is supposed to be followed in its entirety.

edit on 8-12-2012 by Xaphan because: (no reason given)

Yeah I feel stupid for not reading it properly first, it's really obvious that it's a joke, as well as a very good point.

But seriously, about your daughter, don't take less than $500.

Originally posted by boymonkey74
Why OP why?

Nice try but you have to get up early to pull a fast one on Skorp.

edit on 8-12-2012 by boymonkey74 because: (no reason given)

Implying that I tried to pull a fast one on anybody. This is a well known copypasta that has been floating around various message boards for years. I figured most would already know about it by now and wanted to post it here to address these points. Also, all Skorp did was use Google.

Originally posted by Q33323
It's amazing that people go to great lengths to denigrate others because they subscribe to a particular faith.

What do YOU believe?... In yourself?!

I wasn't criticizing anybody's beliefs. How is asking why these passages are no longer followed insulting?

I consider myself a nihilist, but I'm still open minded. If somebody came along with substantial evidence that some intelligence beyond this physical 'realm' existed, I would be more than willing to listen.

Originally posted by SpearMint
But seriously, about your daughter, don't take less than $500.

The highest offer we have had so far was $320, and I don't think it will go any higher. (She has webbed toes, which isn't really a big deal, but you know how superficial people can be!)

reply to post by SpearMint


Who cares if it's a copy and paste
It's hilarious, can't wait for my wife to home. She's catholic so guess I'll be cooking my own food tonight.

reply to post by Xaphan


Go ask the pope.

Originally posted by Q33323
It's amazing that people go to great lengths to denigrate others because they subscribe to a particular faith.

What do YOU believe?... In yourself?!

It's more amazing that the majority of our political leaders openly subscribe to this BS and then integrate it in to our legal system


And then idiots come to their defense

reply to post by Xaphan

I've actually been asking about these specific passages for years now and have never received a satisfactory answer as to why such things are no longer practiced, when the bible is supposed to be followed in its entirety.

You're confusing Christianity with Judaism. The reason you never get a satisfactory answer from Christians, is because you have already made up your mind they're wrong, and you know their bible and doctrine better than they do. While in some cases that may be true, for many it will not be.

If you are inclined to actually understand why Christians don't live under the law, read the new testament. Then go back and read the old testament, and you will understand.

reply to post by Xaphan


Lol

reply to post by Xaphan


I can't tell if you're trolling or serious, but i think you're just trolling. I haven't met a neophyte yet who hadn't been told we're not bound by the jewish civil laws. 10 commandments are 1 thing but not the other 603 laws. There were no gentiles present a Mt. Sinai 3500 years ago.

>this thread


They don't have much choice but to cherry pick, because a lot of it is irrelevant today.

LMAO. You think you're trolling christians when you're actually trolling jews.

Fail brah .

Read the New Testament if you want to troll us.

reply to post by lonewolf19792000


So the old testament is irrelevant ?
Or do you pick and choose the most convinient ?

reply to post by cody599

The old testament is very relevant to Christians. Without it, there would be no new testament. But, as Paul says:

Romans 15:4

For whatsoever things were written aforetime were written for our learning, that we through patience and comfort of the scriptures might have hope.