Women are in abundance here, so maybe I can get some advice.... ETA I do get a broken heart sometimes (to make this relevant), but need to explain
the situation first as to why and how.
Here's the situation.
Almost five years ago, when I was 17, I randomly met a 21 year old Canadian woman on an online strategy game I use to play (which I was #1 in the
world at *nerd brag*). We became strictly game friends and played together almost every night after arranging a time. However, over a few months we
started shifting to a personal basis and gradually our "gaming time" turned just into "talking time" on instant messenger. We talked usually about 4
hours a night, 6 days a week even tho I was working through my undergraduate degree then and was always busy (and not 7 days a week because she went
dancing each Saturday). I started caring about her...more and more and what was once a simple gaming partnership turned into a big cup of
complication. She's extremely thoughtful, selfless, trusting and moral...I fell in love with her mind and spirit and our emotions became mutual at a
high level. Things became too intense for a time around the end of year 1, so we went to emailing each night instead. It wasn't even until about year
2.5 that I showed her what I look like. It just never mattered and, approaching year 5, I still haven't seen her or ever pressed the issue on that
(and we're not into Facebook or social sites). At this point it's irrelevant tho because what she looks like isn't what I fell in love with (she's a
semi-pro latin dancer, so probably in good shape tho). That's how smitten I am and how much I trust her.
One time she had finished saving up enough and lived one of her life's dreams of touring Europe for 4 months. That time out of contact made me
physically ill from worry and separation. Right now she's living with her mom and doing temp secretary jobs, after giving up on her apartment's rising
cost, but now we only get to talk once a week when she goes to the library where there's internet (why I never asked to talk on the phone is below).
We've made each other poems and cards for holidays for years, have nick names ("Pookie", "Deci Bear" (my name being Decimus), etc.), are writing a
historical fiction novel together (lol when we get time) and I never genuinely cared so much about anyone as I do her. We've had a few unusual
connections too, like a time I had a dream where I sensed her dead father...and the next day she told me she had a dream with him in it. We've
influenced the other's life quite a lot too, e.g. I did salsa dancing for a while because of her - something I wouldn't have done in a thousand years
otherwise. I can't explain somethings that have happened between us or how/why we care so much about the other, especially in a spiritual sense.
I'm now 22, intelligent (imo), have a master's degree and decent life, good attitude and personality, look ok except for graying hair and looking a
lil young (lol contradiction there, pict
), but overall I have a lot
of typical things going for me and yet I've never been in any serious relationship (excluding the one mentioned above). I can't even think of any
other woman in a relationship sense. One time I tried getting interested in a random girl, but felt like it meant nothing and was just a cheap
imitation, so ended the "date" almost immediately.
We talked about meeting before but the timing is bad for her right now...and more importantly, upon meeting, I don't know what to expect. How does it
go when two people, who have such a love for each other and know the other's whole life, meet for the first
time!? I would be so lost but if we
stay as we are now, until death, I could never forgive myself. It's a chess move I want to make...but have no idea how to do it or what to expect.
Talking to someone on the phone, who you never physically met and can't arrange something with physically like a lunch, seems like it would be weird
too so I never mention it. Am I'm even right in doing it if it's going to be so late? Or maybe this whole situation is just crazy. Anyway, it does
leave me heartbroken at times...especially before going to sleep each night and thinking of her and wondering. What's your 2 cents?
Can't believe I typed this much, thanks for reading if you do.
edit on 19-10-2012 by TheLegend because: (no reason given)