She went through withdrawal, whether form drugs or the demon, or both. Her moods would range from very happy to low and depressed to very angry (she had a psychotic temper which scared me more than any man I’ve ever had to deal with.) She’d turn her enraged temper on me for something so petty as leaving a drop of water beside the soap on the sink! As for me, I felt beside myself. I was at this time trying to be something I wasn’t (a city slicker) and I began losing touch with who I was. I’d look in the mirror and did not recognize who was looking back. I remember walking down the street like an empty shell of a human being, feeling nothing but sorrow for the loss of my before quite deep and profound emotions.
One time, lying on my bed from exhaustion (between working overtime and by this point suffering from serious sleep deprivation), I felt a bubble of
consciousness separate from my own. This horrified me, as I wasn’t sure if I was having some kind of schizophrenic split, if I was going crazy or if
that demon I had felt enter me had become one with me and was now trying to free itself. I had way too much to deal with at the time (and was trying
to be a motivated, practical person) and so I kicked it down (in a matter of speaking) into the unconscious, hoping it would never come up again.
But it did, this time feeling more negative than before. I kicked it down inside a second time. Months later, in a better environment and a much
better financial situation (but still sleeping very poorly) it arose from me one morning. Only this time it felt battered and bruised, as if my
kicking it down had done it serious harm. Too disturbed to deal with it, I kicked it down a third time. (Understand, in those days I was not being
true to myself and did things and in ways that would contradict my normal intuitive judgment.)
After I returned home for Christmas one year, I found myself in love with the woods, the beautiful blue sky, the ocean waves and everything I had
missed about country life. I decided to stay, for good. At some point, either before or after Christmas, I began noticing Shadow Men following me
around (this I already described on another page, linked above.) They never seemed to harm me but were quite interested in me, as if they were up to
something (in retrospect.) But the night the attacks started I stopped seeing them and have never seen them since.
That first night...this is where it gets hard for me to write. I was actually feeling rested at this point, at long last. I was happy to be home,
although saddened that it had not worked out for me in Toronto. I was smiling on this night however, light-hearted as I closed my eyes and eased in a
way I hadn’t for two years. Just as I was falling asleep, BOOM! I was hit by a demonic entity. It felt as if its consciousness was like a rock
(solid) striking against me: one rock hitting off another. It was like being hit by arrow: so fast you could hardly react. My body/mind would react in
a split-second instinctual way, to violently shove away from my bed (to move upwards and away from the attack.) It would strike me once or twice, then
wait for me to ease. Again, when I was just falling to sleep, it would strike me again.
Each time, I felt its consciousness (if just briefly). There was no wall between us, no way to defend myself. I didn’t even believe this sort of
thing actually happened (demon attacks) despite my recent experiences. Ghosts, fine, but not this. After each attack, I would sit there wondering if
it was me, if this was a schizophrenic problem. Was something inside my own mind attacking myself? But then it would hit again—BOOM! And I KNEW each
time, when I felt it, that it was very real: a unique consciousness with its own personality and intentions.
I would describe its personality as “explicitly crude”, as I did not feel it was being sadistic so much as it simply wanted (or needed) something
from me and simply didn’t care one iota what had to be done to me in order to get it. No different than a spider trapping a fly and then sucking its
blood. It felt simple-minded to me, like a predator acting on cold instinct. But it had no body, it was just a spirit. I was truly devastated,
horrified and overwhelmed. I was in such a weakened state, as I lost sleep night after night, never knowing when it would strike. It felt like a god
compared to me, and I’d never felt so utterly helpless.