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Common Courtesy Vs. Chivalry In The 21st Century: A Guide To The Difference.

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posted on Aug, 27 2012 @ 05:57 AM
I stood there, just kind of holding the door ajar. The older lady passed through as I motioned to her to go first, as I held the door open for her. As she passed me, she muttered a thankyou. Then she paused.

“You know, you can get into trouble for doing that today.” I instantly got her meaning, and smiled in reply.

“And yet a hundred years ago I would have been scolded or frowned on for not doing it.”

This was the simple play that happened at Sydney airport a couple of weeks ago, waiting to board my plane. The elder lady did make a point though, and a good one at that.

“Thou hast sullied the honour of my lady!”

Perhaps a term best left for another time. In this day and age of rampant feminism, metrosexuality, and generally poor manners toward each other, the idea of chivalry is something well and truly being left in the dust.

And perhaps it is not really a bad thing. I’ve always said to female friends if you want equal rights, then act equally. Don’t get in my face about how you are the smarter sex and deserve everything a man has because you have been oppressed for centuries by men. Don’t try to equate to me the tale of Mary Magdelene and how the “evil men” of the world painted her as a whore and that’s why you act the way you do, to get some back for the fairer sex.

Honestly? Good for you if you can grow a set and stand on your own. But don’t ask me to fix your car for you, to lift that heavy box you can’t manage or come and hide behind me when that arrogant pig of a customer loses his proverbial and sees you as a convenient target. And yes, all three have happened to me at different points, at which time it is exceedingly difficult for me not to blurt out “independent woman what?”

But I do digress somewhat. Did I hold the door open for this lady as an act of chivalry? That I was somehow reliving a lost past of kind deeds and gentler ways? Sadly, no. I held the door open because of something else, another slipping facet of society I feel should not die a horrible death. Tied in a way to chivalry, but much more open and not as gender-specific as the former.

Common courtesy.

Yes, it really is just that simple. I held the door open out of common courtesy. I say thankyou to those who help me, who are nice to me, who generally come off as wanting that spark of humanity we all have but are beginning to forget in this “me first and me only” world. When you stand from your seat to offer an older person who obviously has more pains and more aches than you, again, common courtesy. When you help a woman that has two young children and is obviously struggling with her trolley load of groceries to her car, again, it is common courtesy. If you’re standing in line at the local supermarket with a full trolley of groceries and the young man behind you has a few items, again, let him go first. Common courtesy rears its brilliant head once again.

It’s not something we do or should do with a thought of reward in mind, it is really just a simple duty of being human. What makes me shake my head, is as we careen further into the future of humanity, such gestures are met with mistrust, or even outright hostility.

I am aware you can open the door for yourself. Believe me when I say I’m not about to tip my hat with a “milady” out of some outdated concept of chivalry. I would like to think that if next time I am the one lugging a heavy bag onto a plane, you would be the one who would hold the door for me, as I am now the one struggling. That if I happen to be that man standing behind you in the queue behind your pyramidal pile of groceries that you would let me go first.

Is common courtesy headed the way of chivalry? I hope not, and I hope this little rant clearly separates the two for those of you out there. Because I may hold the door for you at some point in the future, hell I may even help you when you need it, mainly just because I can. But don’t think for a second I’m about to lay down my jacket so as not get your feet wet in a puddle.

Those things cost money man....

edit on 27-8-2012 by 74Templar because: typos

edit on 27-8-2012 by 74Templar because: (no reason given)

posted on Aug, 27 2012 @ 06:23 AM
Its funny I've thought about this as well. Ive held the door open for countless women and never had one go off on me.They seemed to be rather appreciative of it in fact and i don't do it out of chivalry, I'll generally hold the door for anyone coming behind me as i go in but the women seemed to be more appreciative of it then the men.

Likewise every time I'm out people hold the door for me. Men, women ,kids, so i think its just become common courteousy now and very few ( see crazies) would get offended by such a harmless gesture.

posted on Aug, 27 2012 @ 07:13 AM
I hold the door for everyone. I had a guy once refuse to allow me to. What the f? Acted like it was gay.


Everytime someone doesnt say thank you, i loudly say, youre welcome!!

Oh and im a trucker, so i go to a lot of public places!

posted on Aug, 27 2012 @ 11:17 AM
I also hold the door open for everyone. I refuse to let politeness die. I say thank you and smile when someone does it for me also. (btw - I'm female)

I said thank you once to a guy who looked stunned that I thanked him. That was weird. I was in a rural area where everyone is polite still.

Maybe he was just visiting.....

posted on Aug, 27 2012 @ 03:41 PM
Great thread you got here!

Common courtesy is something I do by nature...always have for as long as I can remember.

I open doors for men and women, If someone is visibly struggling with something, I always offer my assistance. I'm always that person that lets someone pull out in front of me if they are waiting to get on a roadway.

I'm the type of person that will look behind me in a grocery store line to make sure there isn't someone behind me with just a few items so that I can let them go ahead of me.

These acts are just like a second nature to me...I just don't think twice.

Now, as a woman, these are obviously not acts of chivalry...just common courtesy. Looking out for another human being and doing whatever I can to make their day a little matter how small the act.

Sometimes it's the little things that can make a difference ya know?

Now, after saying all of that...

Just recently, my best friend gave me one of the biggest compliments in regards to my oldest son.

He spent the day with her and her and out of different stores doing some shopping and running errands. She called me that evening just to tell me how good of a job I'm doing raising him.

She was so impressed with how polite and courteous he was...opening doors for people (not just her but, other customers as well), complimenting cashiers about different things and telling them to have a good day. He addressed adults with "sir" and "ma'am" and always said "please" and "thank you"...which is actually something I have ingrained in him so, that was expected of him to begin with..

By example, I have taught my son how to be courteous and kind to others and it was amazing to hear this story from my friend. He may not always listen to me but, he's always watching and learning from me.

So, at least there is still some hope that common courtesy will not be lost on his generation.

posted on Jun, 28 2013 @ 10:30 AM
I was going to compose a thread very similar to this one... All I can say is that chivalry is in fact dead. Even common courtesy seems to be going the way of the dinosaurs.

I feel as I should give in and stop being courteous to women. After all, every time I do a small gesture like that women either don't acknowledge it or simply look at me like was a complete moron.

Women killed chivalry.

posted on Jun, 28 2013 @ 12:25 PM
They can try. I was raised a certain way, and I'll continue to behave that way. Whether you call it chivalry or common courtesy, it all equates to simple kindness and thoughtfulness.

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