The Truth About Rape

Greetings, ATS!

In my tenure on ATS, I’ve come across many threads that revolve around the issue of rape. And each time, I’m astounded at the amount of sheer ignorance many people express when it comes to rape. So I thought I’d share some information and try to dispel these rape myths.

I do feel uniquely qualified to address the issue of rape, because I am a rape survivor. My rape was devastating, and even twenty years later I still struggle with what happened. I’ve been diagnosed as having severe anxiety, major depressive disorder, and Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. I will have to deal with this for my entire life; as must all survivors of violent crime. However, although I still struggle with what happened, my life has moved on. I try not to let myself be defined by what happened to me, but by what I choose to do with my life. Which is why I prefer the term rape survivor. I’m not a victim. I survived.

So on to the myths concerning rape. This is a list compiled by the University of Minnesota Duluth, please visit this link to read more. Website

Myth 1: Rape is sex.
Fact: Rape is experienced by the victims as an act of violence. It is a life-threatening experience. One out of every eight adult women has been a victim of forcible rape. Gratification comes from gaining power and control and discharging anger. This gratification is only temporary, so the rapist seeks another victim.

*If you are being raped, follow your instincts. I did, and was able to beat the crap out of the a$$hole who raped me. That was satisfaction, let me tell you.

Myth 2: Women incite men to rape.

Fact: Research has found that the vast majority of rapes are planned. Rape is the responsibility of the rapist alone. Women, children and men of every age, physical type and demeanor are raped. Opportunity is the most important factor determining when a given rapist will rape.

*I can’t tell you how many posts I’ve read that state rape is the fault of the woman. “If she didn’t dress that way, she wouldn’t have gotten raped.” “Look at how she acts, she deserves what happens to her.” Rape is the fault of the rapist, PERIOD.

Myth 3: Rapists are non-white. Rapists are lower class. Rapists are "Criminal types".

Fact: Rapists that fit the myth are more likely to be prosecuted but a rapist can be anyone: doctor, policeman, clergyman, social worker or corporate president.

*Anyone can be a rapist. Anyone.

Myth 4: Men can't be raped.

Fact: There were approximately 20,000 sexual assaults of males ages 12 and over in the United States in 1991.

*A lot of people ridicule this, stating that men have to be aroused in order to have sex. Not so. And the sooner we realize that men can be victimized, the better.

Myth 5: A man can't rape his wife.

Fact: Non-consensual sex is non-consensual sex. Period.

Myth 6: Only "bad" women get raped.

Fact: No other crime victim is looked upon with the degree of suspicion and doubt as a victim of rape. Although there are numerous reasons why society has cast blame on the victims of rape, a major reason found in studies is that of a feeling of self protection. If one believes that the victim was responsible because she put herself in an unsafe position, such as being out late at night, drinking alcohol, dressing in a certain way, or "leading on" the rapist, then we are able to feel safer because "we wouldn't do those things." But, the basic fact remains that without consent, no means no, no matter what the situation or circumstances.

*This is the one I see argued the most. Non-consensual sex is non-consensual sex. Period.

Myth 7: Sexual assault usually occurs between strangers.

Fact: Over 70% of rape victims know their attackers.

*I knew my attacker. He was a trusted friend.

Myth 8: Women frequently cry rape; false reporting of rape is common.

Fact: The FBI reports that only 2% of rapes reports are given falsely. This is the same report rate for other felonies.

*IMO, women who falsely report rape should be charged with a felony and sentenced to prison for a minimum of ten years. Just my opinion.

So there you have it, some of the most common myths about rape. If you have any questions for me, I’m willing to answer.

Your thoughts, ATS?

reply to post by smyleegrl


well put, great writing here. ill say a prayer for ya, and just know whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger. maybe i sound dumb saying that to you, as i am a man who has not beed raped, but seriously make the best of what god has given you.

Thanks tons, it's very informative and I appreciate the effort of trying to help people understand truths.

I am a male and was not only the victim of rape, but the victim of severe abuse by my spouse, as well, and let me tell you, there is a TON of stigma associated with a male trying to tell people what happened.

As for the traumas that come with it, yes, there are many, and some people have a VERY hard time coping with it all. I got over things in time, and can look back on things and feel them disassociated from me, since it is my very strong belief that hte past is past and we do not have to be victims of what happened to us previously. That just allows the attackers to continue hurting us, which was their intent all along (much like terrorism).

Since we, as humans, replace every cell in our bodies over a seven-or-so-year period of time, you can even look at the past as having happened to a completely different person than yourself. That's one of the things that helped me get past my past.

Anyhow, thank you for putting this up, it's appreciated. Hopefully no one gives you flak.

I'll just say I'm glad you are still with us and that you have overcome what happened to you, Smylee. What you endured is horrendous and it is a testament to your will to live and succeed... like I said, glad you're still with us

I have two close friends who were raped, and both echo your sentiments about the subject. One of them was raped by a former mutual friend of ours, the other was raped by a coworker acquintance.

Your write-up is spot on... I'm not going to forward this to them (don't bring up the subject with them), but I think this is definately something that the rest of my family/friends... both male and female... can benefit from reading.

./salute

Originally posted by JamesCookieIII
reply to post by smyleegrl

 

well put, great writing here. ill say a prayer for ya, and just know whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger. maybe i sound dumb saying that to you, as i am a man who has not beed raped, but seriously make the best of what god has given you.

Oh, thanks, but I didn't write this thread to whine about what happened to me. Its been many years and I'm dealing with it fine. Hence my avatar; she's strong, just like me.

I am so sorry you had to endure this kind of attack. I applaud your spirit in holding it together. I have heard people make all of these arguments as to why someone gets raped. It breaks my heart that anyone could excuse rape under any circumstances, but the "she brought it on herself" argument goes out the window especially hard when the victim is particularly helpless- What kind of animal could attack a child or a senior citizen or someone with special needs? There is never any excuse for anyone to force their will on anyone else. under any circumstances. Stay strong.

Thanks for posting about rape...Its a good thing to shed light on a dark deed...I too am a rape survivor, who also chooses to stay strong!!!

reply to post by smyleegrl


Smyleegirl, I'm sorry for what you experienced, but proud of you for sharing, and dealing with it. You are a strong women, and in my opinion just about all women are mentally tougher than men.

I agree with almost everything you put there, except for the "rape is not sex."

I agree that the victim is the victim of a violent assault, and it has nothing to do with sex. However, for the attacker, the notion that it is only about control and power is absurd and it infuriates me to have to argue the point over and over. Not your fault, because there is a lot of psychological opinion and publication out there, but they all fail to recognize the glaring error in their thinking...... SEX!

If it was just about power and control, maybe they would kidnap, maybe they would force them to dance, maybe they would force them to learn the piano, maybe they would marry them and control every aspect of their life, maybe they would spin them around in an office chair until they puke....... but once they have sex, it is about sex. Sure, there is an aspect of power and control, as there are in most things, but it is not the driving force behind all rapes.

Also, Smyleegirl, you don't have to address this issue if you're uncomfortable with it, but when we say "it is not about sex" it can be damaging to women (especially young women), who had some physical reaction of enjoyment. It is not their fault. Just like men can be aroused and raped without any consent or desire, many women also experience those same physical reactions, but all the "experts" are telling them that it isn't about sex, and so it compounds their guilt.

If someone is forcibly attacked and raped, it is no fault of their own, it wasn't their skirt, or their hair, or their perfume, it wasn't because they were in the wrong place at the wrong time. It is 100% the fault of the attacker, and it is abhorrent, and inhumane, but it certainly is about sex in some way, shape, or form, because if it wasn't they would choose another form of attack.

I've mentioned this on many threads, but I know a lot of women that have been sexually assaulted in some minor ways, and a few women that have been forcibly raped. In fact, I have a cousin that was kidnapped in a grocery store parking lot, by a stranger, taken into a remote area, raped repeatedly, and then eventually abandoned. She survived, retained a lot of details of her attacker, eventually helped to get him arrested, and then went on to become a cop and detective herself! I think the numbers are a lot higher than 1 in 8 women. I think it is an ongoing tragedy, and I think it is multi-pronged, and I don't think anyone in psychology, sociology, or law enforcement is addressing the big picture in the correct or most effective manner.

Bravo!

That is all.

reply to post by smyleegrl


Hi

You have a S &F from me. I have to say I knew everything that you had written about except of course your personal experience. Rape is a horrible crime because of the longlasting mental trauma the victim undergoes. Being accused of "Asking for it" does not help.

Kind regards

Tiger5

reply to post by smyleegrl
Well posted and brave of you to stand up and tell us. Rapists, in my opinion are scum, lowlife scum. I would like to say that I share your pain, but how can I? All I can say is that I empathise with you.

Peace.

I don't know if you have looked into the Assange sex crime allegations? But I would be interested to know whether you consider them to be rape? Here is a link to the translated allegations.www.nnn.se... I will understand if you don't want to go through it. just thought your perspective would be interesting.

reply to post by getreadyalready


Great thread Smylee

I have to agree with getreadyalready on the issue of sex.

Warning.....Pouring out my past here, so please don't judge,and be nice (or at least try to)

I was about 8 or 9, living in one of those temporary accomodation hotel like place (for homeless families, and people).

Needless to say there were boys who lived there, and one of them (about 13, 14 years old) was never particulary nice to me until one day.

My mum was giving his mum a makeover, there were other kids around, and we all played innocently, another girl and I even gave this boy a makeover.

Later on, my mum back in our room, I was still with the boy, and his younger sister, in their room, playing snakes and ladders, can't remember who suggested it, but the next game was hide and seek, his little sister went off to hide leaving the boy and me in his room, I can't remember how it happend, and I feel I was a consenting party, but I keep saying at times "what about your sister ? She'll be back any minute !"

I don't think the act was entirely completed, and I don't think he had gone entirely through puberty at that point. But afterwards in the days that followed he went back to either ignoring me, or being rude to me.

Not sure I would class myself as a victim in any way, as I was willing, but just wanted to say I can see how rape can be about sex, and getting something you want, just as much as it can be about the other points the OP has made in thier post.

Originally posted by getreadyalready
reply to post by smyleegrl

 

Smyleegirl, I'm sorry for what you experienced, but proud of you for sharing, and dealing with it. You are a strong women, and in my opinion just about all women are mentally tougher than men.

I agree with almost everything you put there, except for the "rape is not sex."

I agree that the victim is the victim of a violent assault, and it has nothing to do with sex. However, for the attacker, the notion that it is only about control and power is absurd and it infuriates me to have to argue the point over and over. Not your fault, because there is a lot of psychological opinion and publication out there, but they all fail to recognize the glaring error in their thinking...... SEX!

Even consensual intercourse is about control and power as when the female or the one who's playing the female role must submit and accept that she/he must be penetrated to achieve the climax we've evolved to having. And is a huge trait for many species' survival.

And more females then you would first assume fantasize of being raped. After many generations of it being a reality it has become conditioned into their dna to actually not just accept it... but get turned on by it, speaking strictly from an evolutionary standpoint, as I do not condone and find it incredibly distasteful and barbaric (unless it's roleplay night and my gf's all freaky lol)

reply to post by MikhailBakunin


When speaking of sex in general (not rape)....
I think 50 years ago, you were correct, but these days there are plenty of women that aggressively initiate sex, and even if they are the ones who are "accepting" something into their body, they are often demanding service, demanding their own gratification, and taking dominant roles. I think the days of them lying on their backs and enduring 5 mins of satisfying their husbands are thankfully just about over.

BUT, I do agree that in every relationship, friendship, business partnership, and conversation, there is always a dominant and submissive role, and in healthy interactions we often go back and forth from one role to the other. There is always going to be that aspect, especially in sex.

My complaint with the mental health fields is that they think it is the driving force. Power and control are only the driving force in a very small subset of rapes. Most rapes are crimes of opportunity from someone the person knows. Those rapes are purely about sex. They've wanted it, fantasized about it, they can't get it, and eventually they find a way, and then in the aftermath they hope they don't get caught, they justify it, they apologize, they deny, or whatever they can do to stay out of trouble. Those rapes are the majority of rapes, and they are all about sex.

yeah... and without forced sexual intercourse, the world wouldn't be as thriving with variety as it is.

'If you’ve ever complained about having bad sex, you really have no idea. Human women may have to complain about poor stamina or incompetent technique but the female seed beetle (or bean weevil; Callosobruchus maculatus) has to contend with her partner’s nightmarish penis – an organ covered in hard, sharp spikes. Just see if you can look at the picture on the right without wincing.


It’s no surprise then that females sustain heavy injuries during sex. But why have male beetles evolved such hellish genitals? What benefits do they gain by physically harming their partners?

It’s possible that the injuries directly benefit the males, either because they stop the females from mating again or spend more efforts in raising their fertilised eggs to avoid the strain of future liaisons.

The alternative is that the spikes could give the males an edge in “sperm competitions“, where they compete with rivals not through direct combat, but through fertilising as many eggs as possible. In this theory, the spines are important for winning these competitions, and the wounds they inflict are simply a nasty side-effect.

Cosima Hotzy and Goran Arnqvist from Uppsala University think that the latter theory is right. They have found that the penile spines are vital to a male’s success – those with the longest spikes fertilise the most eggs and father the most young. Size, it seems, really does matter.


The duo studied beetles taken from 13 countries across the tropics, from Brazil to the USA, and from Nigeria to Oman. The genitals of these different populations are very varied and to study them under a microscope, Hotzy and Arnqvist first had to fluff their subjects. They anaesthetised the males with carbon dioxide, and erected their penises with an “artificial inflater” – a microscopic plastic tip connected to a pump. Under a microscope, they measured the length of the longest spines and the size of the entire spine-bearing area.

They studied female beetles too, and all from a single population. Each one was allowed to mate once with a single male. A week later, Hotzy and Arnqvist dissected their sexual tracts to see how much scarring they had, using the distinctive black pigments on the scars to spot them. As you might expect, the males with the spiniest genitals inflicted the most amount of scarring on the females, in a way that was independent of the partners’ overall body size.

To measures the effects of these spines on the males’ reproductive success, the duo first mated virgin females with males from a single Nigerian population, who had all been sterilised by radiation. Two days later, the females were then paired with a second male, taken from one of the 13 worldwide populations. One week later, they counted all the eggs she laid. Every one of these must have been fathered by the second male, so their number represents his ability to successfully oust the sterile sperm of the first partner.

Again, the males with the longest penile spines were more likely to be the victors of the sperm competition and again, this link had nothing to do with either the male’s body size or his general health. The degree of scarring in the females was also linked to the male’s success at sperm competition, but to a much lesser extent and certainly not when the length of the spines was taken into account. It is the spines, rather than the damage they inflict, that is the key to the male’s success."

Originally posted by woodwardjnr

I don't know if you have looked into the Assange sex crime allegations? But I would be interested to know whether you consider them to be rape? Here is a link to the translated allegations.www.nnn.se... I will understand if you don't want to go through it. just thought your perspective would be interesting.

edit on 20-8-2012 by woodwardjnr because: (no reason given)

I only read the section titled "The Rape"...if I read it correctly, she said rape because she'd asked him to wear protection and woke up to him penetrating her without wearing a condom. At which point she did and said nothing.

If that is what happened, then I have a hard time calling it rape. She consented, and didn't protest. But I don't know, that's a slippery slope so maybe I'm completely wrong.

Originally posted by MikhailBakunin
yeah... and without forced sexual intercourse, the world wouldn't be as thriving with variety as it is.

Are you condoning rape as a means to spread the gene pool?

The info about the beetle was interesting, but not sure how it fits into a discussion about rape.

reply to post by smyleegrl


It sickens me that we still need to define rape in the 21st century. That said, good job smyleegrl.

reply to post by smyleegrl


LOL, I'm not sure how the beetle story relates either. In many species the female consumes the male as meal after the copulation!! I'd say human males have it pretty good too!

There are plenty of species that rape as a means of procreation, and then there are others that willingly cooperate, and then there are some that kill each other during or after the procreation. None of that speaks to the legality or civility of human relationships, unless someone wants to start the debate about male v. female sex drives, but that gets into a whole other discussion.