Cowards

i wanted to discuss this since just last night i realized i was a coward.

i dont feel much different to be honest, but it does feel weird to realize that i've always ran away from most of my problems.
i dont know, its in my nature to leave the scene as soon as it gets messy.
where do i go from there?


are there others here that consider themselves cowards?


a small summary of my cowardice"
-avoid dogs at all costs
-still sleep with the light on
- cannot bring myself to improve myself
-dropped out of school
-left the only person i ever loved
-dont want to look for a job
-pretty much detach myself from everyone

its gotten to the point where im trying to run away from reality itself!


i dont know, its just, everything seems "pointless" and not in a depressing way, more in a "life is just a phase and you can never truly die" way.

Wait wait, hold on...gimme a second...

*deep breaths* okay, okay...so you've got all these failures in your life, and you came to ATS about it?

You're seeking life counseling from a bunch of conspiracy theorists? You're asking for known pessimists (who spend their day dreaming of ways to reveal the world as the giant rectum it really is) to fart rainbows, man. Best thing I can tell ya, is prepare to be supremely disappointed if you want to be told something positive.

Come on now...trolling is a dime an hour here. Heck, you don't even have to pay!

A major problem with modern society is that we've basically rid ourselves of our old rites of passage; the trials which made us adults have disappeared from our culture. As a result of this, we don't know when we're supposed to take on responsibilities.

The loss of rites of passage is what has lead to so many man-babies. People are just lost, the traditional lines of gender roles have been greatly blurred and the further we inch towards androgyny, the more lost we're likely to become in defining what behaviors suit us and at what age to adopt them.

Basically, men have no idea when or how to become men.


In your case, I wouldn't call it cowardice as much as irresponsibility and perhaps fear of failure.

Originally posted by Starchild23

Wait wait, hold on...gimme a second...

*deep breaths* okay, okay...so you've got all these failures in your life, and you came to ATS about it?

You're seeking life counseling from a bunch of conspiracy theorists? You're asking for known pessimists (who spend their day dreaming of ways to reveal the world as the giant rectum it really is) to fart rainbows, man. Best thing I can tell ya, is prepare to be supremely disappointed if you want to be told something positive.

Come on now...trolling is a dime an hour here.

edit on CMondaypm383806f06America/Chicago23 by Starchild23 because: (no reason given)

lol wat.

i just want to see how to go about this.
and no i dont expect them to be positive, we're talking about cowards here not heroes

Let's face it, you can't run from yourself which is what most of us are trying to do anyway when we avoid things. We don't like facing our limitations, fears. and sometimes the truth.
Maybe you're really not a coward if you are admitting to it. It sounds to me as if it's something you'd like to change.
Do you want to change it?

When I was very young I had awful nightmares about fish and insects. I was terrified of them both and killed them every chance I got. As I grew older I began to stop killing them and started to study them. What a difference it made! I love bugs now and save them every chance I get and learn something new about them all the time.

Our fears are the things the we have to face head on if we want to grow. Don't try changing everything at once but just find one thing you're afraid of and work on it. It sounds as if maybe you have things too easy if you don't have to work or apply yourself towards anything. Parents can cripple children by not giving them responsibilities or challenges.

What are your dreams? Isn't there something you would like to do with your life - some skill or talent you'd love to master? Those who work constantly and have little free time dream of being in a position such as yours. You should be counting your blessings and get off your butt.

Every last one of us was created with unique talents, interests and abilities. No 2 humans are the same. There is something special inside you that needs expression, that requires dedication and work to see flourish and come to a reality. Start dreaming and get doing man! Time waits for no-one. One day you will be old and wondering what the heck did I do with my life? Don't become that bitter old person who regrets not using their time or talents better.

If there's nothing you want to do for yourself what about doing something for others? Charities rely on volunteer help to feed the hungry, build homes for the homeless and provide other services to people in need. There's arts organizations that help bring programs to people who would otherwise not have the chance to take art, music or theater. If you won't help yourself - help others and I think you will be a much happier person.

Best wishes,
ATA

ETA - Sorry if I pooted a rainbow)

reply to post by TheGrandWarlock


Easy. Make a list of everything you've done wrong, then go back and try to make it right.

If you die before you fix everything, at least you died amending your mistakes. That's better than most men do these days...

reply to post by TheGrandWarlock



Got ask you a few things before I continue.

Your age,in the ballpark not exact age.
Are you still living at home?
Do you have a father that is around you,spends time with you.

reply to post by Asktheanimals


Don't worry, I threw a green smoke bomb behind you.

No one noticed your "accident".

reply to post by DestroyDestroyDestroy


alright i see, society is quite confusing.

perhaps you're right, maybe i just need some guidance or something

Originally posted by TheGrandWarlock
its in my nature to leave the scene as soon as it gets messy.

It is my nature too. When the scene gets messy it is usually indicator that I will be getting arrested. So I leave.

Originally posted by TheGrandWarlock
where do i go from there?

Somewhere inconspicuous is usually best. You do not want to be recognized and arrested.

reply to post by DestroyDestroyDestroy


You make an excellent point that I believe carries far more weight than most will give credit for. Aside from joining the military or some sports team there aren't ways for young men to be inducted in to society as adults.
Tribal cultures worldwide still use both the Vision quest and circumcision as rites of manhood. The first option is still possible if you have an expreienced elder to guide you as you prepare and eventually do your quest.

For those unfamiliar the idea of the vision quest is to isolate one's self in the wilderness and seek the guidance of the spirits to prepare one for manhood. It usually involves fasting, meditation and prayer for several days at a minimum.

reply to post by emberscott


Who on earth said anything about getting arrested?

Seriously, who do YOU hang out with?

reply to post by Asktheanimals


Actually, there is. It's called a job, a degree, or a girlfriend/wife.

That's how it rolls in our country.

Originally posted by Asktheanimals
Let's face it, you can't run from yourself which is what most of us are trying to do anyway when we avoid things. We don't like facing our limitations, fears. and sometimes the truth.
Maybe you're really not a coward if you are admitting to it. It sounds to me as if it's something you'd like to change.
Do you want to change it?

When I was very young I had awful nightmares about fish and insects. I was terrified of them both and killed them every chance I got. As I grew older I began to stop killing them and started to study them. What a difference it made! I love bugs now and save them every chance I get and learn something new about them all the time.

Our fears are the things the we have to face head on if we want to grow. Don't try changing everything at once but just find one thing you're afraid of and work on it. It sounds as if maybe you have things too easy if you don't have to work or apply yourself towards anything. Parents can cripple children by not giving them responsibilities or challenges.

What are your dreams? Isn't there something you would like to do with your life - some skill or talent you'd love to master? Those who work constantly and have little free time dream of being in a position such as yours. You should be counting your blessings and get off your butt.

Every last one of us was created with unique talents, interests and abilities. No 2 humans are the same. There is something special inside you that needs expression, that requires dedication and work to see flourish and come to a reality. Start dreaming and get doing man! Time waits for no-one. One day you will be old and wondering what the heck did I do with my life? Don't become that bitter old person who regrets not using their time or talents better.

If there's nothing you want to do for yourself what about doing something for others? Charities rely on volunteer help to feed the hungry, build homes for the homeless and provide other services to people in need. There's arts organizations that help bring programs to people who would otherwise not have the chance to take art, music or theater. If you won't help yourself - help others and I think you will be a much happier person.

Best wishes,
ATA

ETA - Sorry if I pooted a rainbow)

edit on 23-4-2012 by Asktheanimals because: (no reason given)

yes i do want to change but i dont know how, i've tried sleeping with the light off but i only last a few minutes before i start manifesting all sorts of scary things..i tried getting over my fear of dogs, but everytime they bark its like they shatter my heart...as for the other things, i've tried and they dont work out. perhaps thats the reason for my current state, because i've already failed numerous times.


Do i have dream? of course, but they're highly unrealistic. I realize i do have more than enough time to try to make them happen, but like others said, i'm afraid of failure.

and maybe you're right, perhaps its not about me, perhaps i should devote my time for others.

thanks for the advice.

Originally posted by kdog1982
reply to post by TheGrandWarlock

 

Got ask you a few things before I continue.

Your age,in the ballpark not exact age.
Are you still living at home?
Do you have a father that is around you,spends time with you.

well i just recently "became a man" , actually that was a little over a month ago.
yes im still here (though part of me wants to leave..i feel a bit trapped.)
he passed away when i was little.

reply to post by Starchild23


yeah that sounds like it could help, though a bit difficult...i dont really enjoy my past.

reply to post by Asktheanimals


ooo i was looking into that a few months ago, it sounded like something i'd enjoy, but i think you have to be a member of a tribe to do it..maybe i could sneak it or something lol..

or i could just do it on my own

reply to post by DestroyDestroyDestroy

The loss of rites of passage is what has lead to so many man-babies. People are just lost, the traditional lines of gender roles have been greatly blurred and the further we inch towards androgyny, the more lost we're likely to become in defining what behaviors suit us and at what age to adopt them. Basically, men have no idea when or how to become men.

That is due to the increase in single mothers.

What are rites of passage where you are from?

Mine was the snipe hunt as a boy.
Then the first deer killed in my teens.
Then,turning 18 and out of highschool I was basically shown the door to either go to college or the military,but you can't live here anymore.

It is called enforcing independence on your child so that they can learn to survive in the real world.

reply to post by TheGrandWarlock

- cannot bring myself to improve myself
-dropped out of school
-dont want to look for a job

Alright, now that the troll in me has stopped dancing with glee at such a delicious opportunity for...well, trolling...

Here's my honest-to-whatever-heavenly-powers-exist response:

You can't bring yourself to improve yourself. I read this and had to stop for a minute, just to stop from throwing my computer out the window. Seriously? You're seriously taking THAT line? Stop the crying and start being positive for a change, that might help. Or make a list of things you don't like about yourself. Doesn't make money, but you could always put that down too.

Dropped out of school. This one deserves a serious facepalm. I know, a lot of people drop out...but you do realize that the current curriculum - oh wait. Yeah, school sucks. They try cramming more and more crap each year...and we never use half of it anyway. But still, I know a kid that used drugs all throughout his high school years (I'm guessing you dropped out of middle or high school) and still managed to graduate.

How on earth can you not make it through school? Is your social life that busy? School - Sleep - All else. Pick two.

Don't want to look for a job. The first two had me gaping, but this one has me slammed against the wall out of sheer...I can't even describe it. Are you serious? ARE YOU SERIOUS?

I don't care what anyone else on this forum says. You came here for advice, I'm giving it to you. Either grow some balls, or find someplace else to cry tears for sympathy credits. That's the best thing I can tell you. You realized you're a coward. Good. Now get off this ****ing page and do something about it, instead of crying to virtual sympathists about stuff that takes not a darn thing more than actual common sense to fix.

Mods, if you think this is overboard after the reasoning I just spelled out, do your thing.

Rant, out.

First of all your anxiety is natural. All young men are wondering WTH am I going to do with my life at your age.
I think you should work on your fear of dogs first - find someone who has some puppies you can play with and then start hanging around with older and larger dogs. Before you know you will have more friends than you can count.

As for sleeping with the light off - that sounds like a lifelong habit more than anything. How about put a timer on your light so it will turn off while you're asleep. When you wake you will know that you slept with it off. OR you could use a dimmer switch and gradually turn it down lower every night until it's finally too dim too see.

You don't have to jump off a cliff to change things, think of gradual ways like I described to work on these fears. Everybody has fears, EVERYBODY. So don't think for a moment that you can't change because you can. I believe in you and I'm positive you can change anything you set your heart and mind to.