Single Moms

I have heard this repeated here on ATS, in person amongst co-workers, friends, on the boob-tube, in the msm...what is the deal with single moms? Why always single moms? As a single dad, I resent the continued exploitation of this term. Frankly, women have a MUCH better chance of gaining $ and the kids than the dad in divorce cases. Why not just say single parents? Is a single mom more important or any different than a single dad? Why not accept there are single parents, both male and female? As a single dad, I am proud of the fact I am raising my kids the right way. Maybe it is the fact in our warped views it is a lot easier to have sympathy for a damsel in distress? I really don't care, I just find it ignorant that "single moms" are discussed on a daily basis when there are literally millions of single dads struggling just the same. Rant over.

ColoradoJens

In this society, mothers are far more important than fathers. Why, I don't know.

reply to post by ColoradoJens


theres alot more people who will try and evade responsibility for a kid than will stand up and say thats mine, here in the UK being pregnant and single will place you pretty much top of the social housing list except for asylum seekers who get first choice so you do get alot of the MTV 16 and up the duff types deliberately so they can secure as much as possible from the state

I think it has more to do with the fact that the majority of single parents consist of women.
According to this website with a pdf copy of a report done by the US Census Bureau
Women make up more than 80% of single parents.

Link

There are fewer opportunities for women. Well...decently paid opportunities. Seriously. Men make more money than women...period.

Originally posted by MzMorbid
There are fewer opportunities for women. Well...decently paid opportunities. Seriously. Men make more money than women...period.

This is true when you are discussing Wall Street, investment banks and financial institutions. I still fail to see how you can exclude single dads ie single parents and repeatedly discuss single moms. Does that mean single dads don't exist? I will reiterate females have more than the upper hand in divorce.

CJ

If you are a single dad, I congratulate you. You are doing a very difficult job and not getting any credit for it.

Men never get as much credit as women for what they do. Ours is but to do and die. Society expects men to suffer silently while being mocked on the TV as homer-simpson types while women are smart and sexy in the city or teaching dumb men how to screw in a lightbulb on adverts. Advertisers have figured out they can get more money pandering to female vanity in the media, so that's what they do. Meanwhile men die younger, have more health problems, and generally live lives unglorified by the media or society at large.

But at least we can recognize each other, even if society doesn't. So I recognize the sacrifice the OP has made as a single father, and I applaud it.

It is hard for single moms... but society has rigged it nearly impossible for single dads. ESPECIALLY men who's spouses were convicted of abuse. Many resources for battered women, but almost non-existent for battered husbands. What's more, men have a hard time accessing resources placed primarily with women in mind. It's sexist.

So many men are great fathers. So many women do not deserve to give birth!

There are some single fathers groups starting up out there, but they are few. The whole system is biased and corrupt toward women, and that needs to change.

I know a couple single dads, and they're doing such amazing jobs.... the most rewarding job you'll ever have

reply to post by silent thunder


That was kind - thanks for that - I have to admit I really don't think or worry about this at all - my rant is kind of more a blurt out - I just get tired of listening to conversations about single moms when I am in the same spot. I exist too! But seriously, the system is biased and it doesn't seem to be discssed much.

CJ

Originally posted by MzMorbid
There are fewer opportunities for women. Well...decently paid opportunities. Seriously. Men make more money than women...period.

Not when you compare like for like IE single mums and single dads.

I am a single parent and it makes my blood boil to see the red carpets of opportunity being rolled out at the mere scent of a vagina but men can go to hell.

I am of the firm conviction that in the (UK at least,) when gay people are finally treated with equal dignity as heterosexuals and marry then the world of single parents will be turned upside down.

It is my experience that children are often treated as nothing more than a commodity and a means to greater financial entitlement by many women/girls.

In the Uk there is something called "Child Benefit" which is a benefit paid by the state (taxpayer) to the "Mother" historically, in order to help support children. The Child Benefit is more or less a certificate of "Ownership" of a child and although it may not be a lot of money it opens numerous doors of opportunity for the child owner.

To my mind it would be prudent for the UK government to get rid of the Child Benefit ASAP because there will be a world of tears when future gay couples enter the arena of the Family Courts in relation to divorce as the judges will no longer be able to discriminate against one parent because of gender.

Any married man that would deny Gays the right to marry needs to think long and hard about what would happen to himself should he end up in the divorce courts. Gay marriage could possibly be one of the best things for Dads and a boon for children.

Unfortunately same sex marriage is not in the interest of Mothers, Court welfare Officers, social services nor judges because if you take away the money (child benefit) there is very little for women to fight over.

reply to post by Invariance

. but society has rigged it nearly impossible for single dads

A judge once offered me an extra hour with my kids as an incentive not to keep kicking up a fuss as he didn't want to be late for his game of golf that afternoon, if I didn't comply he would have denied me an entire day.

Originally posted by ChristianJihad

Originally posted by MzMorbid
There are fewer opportunities for women. Well...decently paid opportunities. Seriously. Men make more money than women...period.

In the Uk there is something called "Child Benefit" which is a benefit paid by the state (taxpayer) to the "Mother" historically, in order to help support children. The Child Benefit is more or less a certificate of "Ownership" of a child and although it may not be a lot of money it opens numerous doors of opportunity for the child owner.

edit on 22-4-2012 by ChristianJihad because: speeling

actually your wrong, child benefit goes to the caregiver of the child, not just a mother. i know many single fathers and foster carers who receive this benefit without issue.

and i dont think its very fair the fact you lump all single mothers into one big group, my mum was a single mother and worked her butt off doing 3 jobs to make sure we had. And i know many more at present both young and old who do the same.

Single fathers dont get the appreciation nor the how shall we say 'air time' in the msm as mothers do and this isn't right, but its not fair to tar us all with the same brush because a few people acted like Neanderthals.

reply to post by ronishia

actually your wrong, child benefit goes to the caregiver of the child

Nope, I am not wrong in Law the presumption is that the Mother is the primary caregiver and only when the mother relinquishes this status either voluntarily or by insistence of the court can the BF be transferd.

I spent almost 5 years in and out the courts and have learned the hard way that the CB is ownership of a child in favor of the mother. I honestly do have it in writing here somewhere it's probably tucked away in a file in the box that I shudder to even look at and am not going there tonight just to prove a point.

reply to post by ronishia

but its not fair to tar us all with the same brush because a few people acted like Neanderthals.

Well I'm sorry to say but it's not a "Few" but the majority what is not fair is that you get tarred with the same brush and this I am sorry for. No doubt you are one of the few women that would like to see a presumption of shared parenting in law which would go a long way to bring an end to disgusting statistics like these -
94% of residencies are awarded to mothers and 50% of all contact orders for fathers are broken.

Single fathers dont get the appreciation nor the how shall we say 'air time' in the msm as mothers do and this isn't right,

We're not looking for appreciation or air time merely the right enshrined in law to equality, this isn't rocket science , if your not for us then your against us.

reply to post by EvilSadamClone


I always told my kids that their Mom was much more important than their Dad was.
Just to clarify, I am Dad.
If you do not know why that is, I won't bother trying to tell you just why.
This is my opinion but apparently many share this view.

That's why i have nothing to do with my 13yo son.Seeing a kid 4 days a month is a waste of time when the women undoes anything you tried to tell him.I tell people i don't have any kids..Worst mistake of my life.All children do is ruin your life..I wish i would of had a vasectomy when i was 16

Originally posted by earthship35
That's why i have nothing to do with my 13yo son.Seeing a kid 4 days a month is a waste of time when the women undoes anything you tried to tell him.I tell people i don't have any kids..Worst mistake of my life.All children do is ruin your life..I wish i would of had a vasectomy when i was 16

I feel so very bad for your son, Hopefully you have never told him in person what you just said here.

reply to post by XxCanexX


Of course not..Please don't judge me i am only telling you how i feel!!

reply to post by XxCanexX


She was a meth user and lived on the street for 6 years.Me and my family spent 8 grand trying to get custody but when we finally saw a judge SHE told us that even meth moms can be good moms.How do you respond to that,The laws are so f.u here in az i can't even understand..Believe me when i say we did everything we could..

As a single mom I sure many single dads don't get enough credit, but from what I have witnessed personally single dads have it easier in some respects. Single dads are held to a lower standard, they can keep a messy house and feed their kids spaghettio's and pizza most nights and not have finger pointed at them because they are men. Men seem to get more help from friends and family members, especially female members of the family. Single dads have an easier time finding a woman who wants to be in a relationship with someone with kids, than a single mom does finding a man who wants a relationship with someone with kids. I am not saying they don't have it harder in other respects or that this applies to all single dads, but I have seen once to often every one pitch in to help the single dad out by cooking meals, watching the kids, clean the house ect. Then turn around and criticize the single mom being her house isn't perfectly clean and she is serving leftovers.
My own grandmother who always said she was to old to watch my children, would go over to the single dads house next door to her and cook clean and babysit for him, because he was a man and men just don't have the know how like women do. His mother and sister also helped him out constantly. Yes, I am a bit bitter about it, but I am also trying to be fair while pointing out that single dads do have some advantages over single mothers.
Single mothers also get stereo typed in a worse light than single fathers who are more often than not seen as making a bigger sacrifice.