Single Moms

reply to post by ColoradoJens


I think the real problem is that there are so many dead beat dads. I know that moms can be just as bad, and single dads deserve a lot of credit - but its more likely the guy who skips town when a woman gets knocked up. Its not nearly as often that a girl ditches a kid at the hospital after birthing, and a man steps up to take on the job.


So, I think all men get a bad rap for that.

I personally agree with you. I am a single parent. I just was lucky enough to be the gender who gets 9 extra months.

Originally posted by ChristianJihad
reply to post by ronishia

 

actually your wrong, child benefit goes to the caregiver of the child

Nope, I am not wrong in Law the presumption is that the Mother is the primary caregiver and only when the mother relinquishes this status either voluntarily or by insistence of the court can the BF be transferd.
t.

ok if that's the case why does my brother get child benefit for his son, his ex did not relinquish her rights? or my cousin get it for his children they are both single fathers one of my little cousins also resides with her grandfather, who guess what.. receives child benefit, my ex who had custody of his little girl when we met got child benefit, so actually yes you are wrong.

I am not disputing you had a hellish time of it, im merely stating that i do know men who receive this benefit and have equal rights tot he child with their ex's

reply to post by ChristianJihad


I know of an abused man who's spouse was arrested. He was convinced to let the mother have the kids because he had a hard time reading and writing. Poor sod fell for it, and a year later she was deemed unfit and he's been raising them ever since. Men are not incompetent. Women are always screaming 'equal rights' and yet men have few in this area. The judicial system will throw you a bone and make you think that's the best you can get. Sorry to hear a judge treated you that way. The story would have been much different if you were the one on the way to the golf course.

In Canada, children's benefits do go to the care giver. The government is slow to change where the money goes, but they do. It is meant to care for the children, not support a female breeder by default. It's a terrible thing when people have to fight for their inherent rights.

And by the way, I find women in dirty custody battles do not have nice things to say about dad to the children as wrong as that is. It's my experience that men don't indulge in pettiness (most men I know in similar situations anyway) and actually teach their children respect for the mother... no matter what she is...

Deadbeat fathers have given a bad wrap to men in general, just as women who are not good mothers or are difficult can give us a bad image too. The stereotyping, the sexism and biased opinions have to stop.

Whether it's a man or a woman, anyone raising a child or children alone these days deserves a pat on the back.

reply to post by ColoradoJens


I think because you'll find a lot of the time, females tend to win custody of children, thus making it more common to be and to use the term ''single mother'' instead.

I agree though, it should be referred to as single parents in general.


Hugs to you buddy x

reply to post by ronishia

I am not disputing you had a hellish time of it, im merely stating that i do know men who receive this benefit and have equal rights tot he child with their ex's

So we're not going at each others throat here, let me say I don't dispute the fact that fathers can and do get the CB yes I am fully aware of this and hope we can be of understanding on this.

As I indicated, the CB was originally set up like a billion years ago in the days when the wives stayed at home and the husbands would hide their pay packet or blow it down the pub. The CB gave mothers a sense of dignity and above all made sure the kids had their basic needs met.
I'm sure no one ever envisaged today's complicated family issues and the rules on how the CB is issued has not been changed ( up until 2 years ago at least) whether or not this is a conspiracy by the women within government and the DWP who can say ?

When a "traditional" married couple make a claim for CB for child "A", although in the eyes of the court both have equal entitlement of the financial affairs such as dept or savings the DWP rules are that the CB is paid to the "Mother" even if the payment goes into a joint account or even the sole account of the father.

If a residency order is made in favour of the father solely then that changes things and the father can then make a sole application for the CB using the Order.

Things become a mare when residency is or has been in dispute , an example being -

Mother is awarded residency in her favour so effectively she becomes the primary carer, dad then gets permission to engage in a relationship with his children they as visitors to him, regardless even if dad was the primary carer before the break up.

To add insult to injury Dad has in law "Equal Parental Responsibility" but in practice Mother has the final say on everything as she has the residency order and can at any time without any reason deny the father access to the children.

Should mother decide that the children be cared for by the father 60% of the time one would have thought that as Dad is bearing the greater financial burden then CB or a large portion of it should go to him. Oops, they forgot to tell dads about that one, it doesn't work like that, he can have the kids as long as he likes but he will never get his mitts on the CB without mothers say so or a judge changing the Order and the mere whiff of another court hearing can send mum straight to the police waving her order demanding her kids be braught home immediately.

Does this happen ? Yes it does. A lot ? Far more often than we could care to imagine . Who gets hurt ? The kids every time. Do I know what I'm talking about ? Yes I do, I could tell you tales that would make your hair curl. Are these isolated issues ? Most defiantly not it goes on day in day out and is getting worse.

Far too often in the UK children are treated as commodities, in my small street of less than twenty houses alone, there are 7 single moms one in her forties just had another 2 kids in less than 2 years and another in her thirties has gone from borrowing ( Yes I did say borrowing and it's true) a child to actually managing to knock one out herself. One just moved having knocked out 3 kids one after the other before she turned 20 !

I seem to have jumped from one thing to another so better take a break.

reply to post by Invariance

Poor sod fell for it, and a year later she was deemed unfit and he's been raising them ever since.

A most senior social worker in my are said to me a few years back that " Some of my clients are heroin addicts but are some of the best mothers " !!!

This wise social worker died not long later a alcoholic, followed by 2 of her children who I knew well both the same as their mum.

Words fail me sometimes.