This is a rant concerning the business end of my personal life and how it's affecting my personal life. Names, genders and locations are not included
here for what will soon become obvious reasons.
Bloodletting is a medical term used to describe the practice of removing large quantities of blood from a patient. It was done, and still is to a
certain extent, to relieve the system of impurities that can cause sickness and even death. It's still practiced today even though it is looked down
upon by the "established" medical community. Why would such a simple practice to cleanse your system still be used when there are drugs to sell that
can do the same thing, right? Sarcasm aside, there have been recent stories of people doing this, the richest among us typically, the 1% if you will,
and it seems to be very effective. I wont name names, but there are a few people alive today that may not have been were it not for the practice of
slowly taking out the old blood out and putting new blood in.
Bloodletting can also be referred to on an emotional level as well. Most psychiatrists and psychologists today both agree that keeping negative
thoughts and feelings inside isn't healthy. Both psychologically and physically. It is common knowledge at this point that your psyche does have a
lot to do with your overall physical well-being. It's even accepted as fact in the scientific community that prayer helps relieve stress. If you
stress a lot, which is all in your mind, you're more likely to get sick more and develop other ailments that someone who doesn't stress aren't
going to go through.
This may be one reason why I don't really get sick. I dump out my "emotional garbage" on a frequent basis. I clean out my system on a regular basis
by way of my writing. If not here there are places I do it and have done it since I was 15. It's what I call an emotional bloodletting. When I
started writing I certainly didn't see it this way; it was merely a way of me coping with the real world. But as time went by, I started to see a
direct link between me not writing and having a lot of stress. When I write, I'm more level headed and calm. When I don't, I'm a bundle of nerves
that you simply don't want to be around. I get agitated easily and turn into a first-class prick.
What I'm about to put down here I'm doing more for me than anyone else. I'm purging my system of poison. It's poison because it's having a
negative effect on my life and there is, sadly, nowhere or no one else I can vent to. As you're about to see, certain people certainly don't want to
hear this, at least word for word, and I'm not going to vent to anyone at work because I've always been the type who tries not to take my personal
life to work with me. It hasn't happened with great success lately, but that's another story.
Real Estate. The only reason I live where I do is because of real estate. And don't be a prick and say "Well your house IS real estate". I'm not
in the mood. 5 years ago a family member offered the wife and I a home rent free in exchange for property management duties. Property this person
inherited from a deceased relative. Half of the main street in this town, which is all of 2 blocks long, this person owns and I have the keys to.
There's roughly another dozen residential properties I have the keys to as well. 80% of all of this currently have renters in them. When I got here
that number was around 60%. You're welcome. To say that it's distressed property is an understatement. To say that the town that it's all in is
also economically distressed, is equally understated. Add to the fact that the current owners, family members, have zero real estate experience, and
the picture that's being painted isn't coming along very nicely. At least not in my eyes.
It also helps to know that one year after the owners' relatives' passing, about 7 years ago, the town that it's all in became a bona-fide,
incorporated town. Before that it was all in the county's jurisdiction. If you don't know how these things work, think of it this way: Before the
town incorporated, the county was an absentee parent. The town had one, it just didn't care for its child all that much. When the town became legit,
when it incorporated, it was like a 100 year old got a 5 year old for a parent. So on top of having distressed commercial properties that the owners
can only put band-aids on because of their financial situation that the short-sighted previuos owner left them in, you have a revoloving door of city
officials who look very much like high schoolers doing their civics homework. Like little kids playing house. Apperently the previous owner didn't
think that he was going anywhere anytime soon, because all of the finances and paperwork were in such a state of dissary, if they were even there at
all, that it took the current owners 4YEARS and countless lawyers to straighten everything out. And if you haven't checked lately, lawyers don't
come cheap and, from what I understand, they have the best that this area has to offer. I can understand thinking that you're healty and not
anticipating death, but when you have cash and holdings worth 4 million dollars, you preapre for the inevitable. Whether you think it's 20 days or 20
years away is beside the point. You cover your a**. That's just what people do. I'm sure this person was nice enough, and God knows he was brilliant
in other areas, I never met him/her personally, but it's obvious that real estate wasn't his/her game. And now it's passed along to other people
who, by their own admission, don't know anything about it either.
And so here I am, the middle-man in all of this. A spectater who's expected to get work done. Between property owners who know nothing about property
and a town hall that doesn't know anything about running a town. Talk about the blind leading the blind. Who needs a circus act when you've sh*t
like this for entertainment? Both are babies on this stage learning as they go. And if that's not bad enough, we now have the EPA that has designated
a part of this town as a suprerfund site. The same part of town where the majority of our properties are located. A superfund site is basically a part
of a town that has been contaminated by chemicals to the point where the air, soil and water are unhealthy. We can thank the local industry of 75
years ago for that. Do you know what a superfund designation does to a town? It effectively kills it from a business perspective. From the neck up.
Sorry, but no legitimate business is going to touch this town until the designation gets lifted. It takes 5 years for the clean-up process to finish.
Then, they wait another 5 years for the work they've done to take hold. They come back at that point, 10 years after they started, and re-test
everything. If everything passes, they lift the superfund designation. If it doesn't, they do it all again and we have to wait ANOTHER 10 years to
see if it works out. Worst case scenerio, I'll be 60 beofre ANY of this is worth anything again. And that's assuming the overall economy has
I told myself last year that I'm not doing this for myself, which should be obvious, but I'm doing it for the next generation in the family. Problem
is, most of the next generation seems to want nothing to do with any of it except for one kid. And bless his/her heart, but if he/she doesn't get
more of an education, he/she isn't going to do well with it at all. The best of intentions will get you nowhere if you don't have the proper amount
and type of intelligence to back it up. Why don't the current owners just sell and be done with it? Because they told their deceased relative, the
previous owner they inherited all this from, that they would look after it, do their best and keep the property in the family. The problem here is,
the family doesn't want it and the town can't handle it. I've spent the past 5 years of my life propping this sh*t up. Sorry, but my back hurts. I
can understand wanting to keep your promise to your deceased relative for sentimental reasons. But when you have as much property as they do, there
comes a point where you have to treat it like a business and keep your personal feelings out of it. There's too much of an ingoing/outgoing cash flow
to treat it like a personal hobby. Funny how some people just can't make that connection while others can make it their life. The rest of the family
wants nothing to do with it and it's not going to make a liveable income for anyone for at least 2 generations. But no, they're hanging on tooth and
nail to the promise they kept to their relative 7 years ago. Don't get me wrong, I love the owners to death and I'd do anything for them. They have
a heart of gold. But this really is going nowhere fast people. If you've been paying attention you'll see how this has been a star-crossed endeaver
from day 1. The previous owners passing.
People try to tell me, "You've got it good man, you don't have to pay rent." Fine. Here are the keys to everything, the names and numbers of
everyone in town hall and the county complex that you need to know, the lawyer and the owner. Have at it. Come see me in 2 years, if you last that
long, and tell me how it worked out for you. Tell me how much you enjoy putting band-aids on the structures because you can't afford a f**king
operation. Because the previous owner left things in such a state of dissary array, that it took millions just to straighten it all out. The same
previous deceased owner whom the current owners want to "keep happy". Tell me what it's like to be told to do things by people who have to get
THEIR advice from still OTHER people, when YOU knw more than any of them combined. But since YOUR name isn't on any paperwork, you have to go through
the "proper channels" to get things done. Tell me how much you enjoy dealing with the locals on a business level while your wife wants to interject
her PERSONAL opinions into everything because it's her blood relatives' properties. Tell me how much you enjoy dealing with the county and the city
on different structural and legal issues that YOU know each one has jurisdition over, while THEY don't.
I'm a property manager, not a majician. I can't fix the un-fixable. It's gotten to the point where if I try to tell my wife ANY of this, she'll
flat out tell me "If you don't want any part of these properties, why are you still living here?" And she's serious. 15 years we're together and
THIS is what my marraige has been reduced to? A f**king real estate transaction? This is what I get?
She's not a wife at this point. She's an education.
I can't help it that her heart is bigger than her head. Runs in the family I guess. It doesn't make them bad people or any less loveable, but they
just don't see how their actions affect other people. I don't hate her as much as I hate the way she's handling all of this. Those two things have
become one in the same though. You can't hate one without hating the other. She really does believe that this is the best way of life we'll ever
have. She's told me countless times over the years how smart I am. But when it comes to taking my advice she'll second guess me over anyone else.
Especially blood. The fact of the matter is that we've grown apart. If it weren't because of this it would've been something else. 15 years. We've
had a good run, but it just sickens me that it had to happen because of something like this. I'm not gonna lie, sometimes I cry about it. We've been
through some real tough # together, she and I. We can finish each others' sentences at this point. We feel what the other one does. That's how tight
we are. I guess it just goes to show that sometimes love isn't enough. This family is stuck in their own little world of sentimnetality though and
they can't see the reality of certain situations. It's good to be emotional, but you really do have to keep your head in the game. It's a fine
line. And the reality of this one is that we are not going to progress as a family, and we're certainly not going to provide the best life for our
daughter, under these circumstances. And I certainly didn't make things the way they are. My wife has her blood families' interests as a priority
over our childs'. Sorry, but I'm never going to see it that way and I wouldn't if it were my family in question.
There are extended family members here in this town as well, and as far as they're concerned, not all of them mind you, they seem to play her just to
get what they want. A piece of the action which, apparatntly unbeknownst to them, is going to be financially worthless for a long time. She doesn't
see this because her head is in this cloud of sentimentality that tells her "They're family, they have our best interest at heart." They know this
and use it to their advantage. Try to get them to admit it though. Apparently she doesn't know yet what money, or at least the promise of it, can do
to people. It's naivetee like that that is extremely dangerous in my book. These extended family members see what it's doing to our marraige.
Putting a rift in it that is too wide to fix at this point. Do they care? Of course not. They keep doing what they're doing. They're scum. But try
tell her THAT and all of a sudden I'm against her ENTIRE family. Something else she doesn't realize is how her own extended family dynamic seems to
work. They say that blood is thicker than water. This blood family comes before I do, the one that has been propping this sh*t up for 5 years with
minimal help from them. And even then it was like pulling teeth. It's obvious to me now because they all have this feeling that I'm about to call
this sh*t a day and they're trying to backpedal by acting as if they like and respect me. You should've shown it to me throughout the years by
listenening to what I had to say about everything. I'm smart remember? But don't listen to me. I'm too much of a realist and I aint blood. Screw
off. Find yourselves another 'n-word'.
The wife and I have a child together. This child has been doing some growing and learning since she's been here. As have I. The thing is, everyone
else around us seems to be at a standstill emotionally and intellectually. Maybe there's a connection here, maybe there's not, but my child actually
listens to me, takes my advice, respects me and doesn't second guess me. She's the only one in my life who gives me that. I'd take a bullet for
that kid. It's like for the past 5 years I've been tending to a garden that just hasn't grown at all. Except for that one small rose in the corner.
Gods Rose. The one no one else seems to pay much attention to. And if they do, they make it seem like work. I haven't forgotten where my priorities
lie, and she's at the top of the list. Always has been, always will be. There's a feeling in my gut that tells me that we're going to have to make
it through this together. She and I.
And for the sake of my child, I need to keep things civil. As much as it pains me. Divorce? Not too worried about that one. It'll come and go without
much fanfare. Her family has more than I do anyway. I'll help with our childs' neccesities and education because it's the right thing to do. I'm
not about to drag her in the middle of this. I love her too much. It's her mother and that extended family I can do without. And you can't take one
wthout the other at this point. So I'm eventually going to have to pay rent? Stop the presses, the world just came to a f**kin' end. I've lived on
the streets before, I think I can handle this. Just recently, the job I'm at became technically secure. That was a load off my shoulders like you
can't imagine. Well, NOW maybe you can. Just give me a small cottage somewhere with a pen and paper, my music and my daughter, and I'll be a happy
camper. I don't ask for much.
There, that feels MUCH better.
And it doesn't matter really if anyone reads this or not. That wasn't the point. The point was to get it off my
chest because it's been boiling inside me for well over a year now. Besides which, if you keep things like this inside too long you may end up doing
and saying things that make other people feel uncomfortable. And that's the last thing I want. And it's gotten so bad, keeping this sh*t inside,
that I haven't gotten any real sleep in 2 weeks and I've lost 25 pounds in 1 month. Don't get me wrong, I'm at my ideal body weight now, the BMI
and everything, it's just HOW it happened I could've done without. I kept names and genders out of it for the sake of not making it appear that I
was mudslinging. I'm not doing this to make anyone look bad. It is what it is and I feel what I feel. Put yourself in my shoes for the past 5 years
and I can all but guarantee that you'd feel the same way. That you've been used without so much a reach-around or a kiss good-night. There's
nothing anyone can do at this point to make it better. The damage has been done.