Bloodletting

This is a rant concerning the business end of my personal life and how it's affecting my personal life. Names, genders and locations are not included here for what will soon become obvious reasons.

Bloodletting is a medical term used to describe the practice of removing large quantities of blood from a patient. It was done, and still is to a certain extent, to relieve the system of impurities that can cause sickness and even death. It's still practiced today even though it is looked down upon by the "established" medical community. Why would such a simple practice to cleanse your system still be used when there are drugs to sell that can do the same thing, right? Sarcasm aside, there have been recent stories of people doing this, the richest among us typically, the 1% if you will, and it seems to be very effective. I wont name names, but there are a few people alive today that may not have been were it not for the practice of slowly taking out the old blood out and putting new blood in.

Bloodletting can also be referred to on an emotional level as well. Most psychiatrists and psychologists today both agree that keeping negative thoughts and feelings inside isn't healthy. Both psychologically and physically. It is common knowledge at this point that your psyche does have a lot to do with your overall physical well-being. It's even accepted as fact in the scientific community that prayer helps relieve stress. If you stress a lot, which is all in your mind, you're more likely to get sick more and develop other ailments that someone who doesn't stress aren't going to go through.

This may be one reason why I don't really get sick. I dump out my "emotional garbage" on a frequent basis. I clean out my system on a regular basis by way of my writing. If not here there are places I do it and have done it since I was 15. It's what I call an emotional bloodletting. When I started writing I certainly didn't see it this way; it was merely a way of me coping with the real world. But as time went by, I started to see a direct link between me not writing and having a lot of stress. When I write, I'm more level headed and calm. When I don't, I'm a bundle of nerves that you simply don't want to be around. I get agitated easily and turn into a first-class prick.

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What I'm about to put down here I'm doing more for me than anyone else. I'm purging my system of poison. It's poison because it's having a negative effect on my life and there is, sadly, nowhere or no one else I can vent to. As you're about to see, certain people certainly don't want to hear this, at least word for word, and I'm not going to vent to anyone at work because I've always been the type who tries not to take my personal life to work with me. It hasn't happened with great success lately, but that's another story.

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Real Estate. The only reason I live where I do is because of real estate. And don't be a prick and say "Well your house IS real estate". I'm not in the mood. 5 years ago a family member offered the wife and I a home rent free in exchange for property management duties. Property this person inherited from a deceased relative. Half of the main street in this town, which is all of 2 blocks long, this person owns and I have the keys to. There's roughly another dozen residential properties I have the keys to as well. 80% of all of this currently have renters in them. When I got here that number was around 60%. You're welcome. To say that it's distressed property is an understatement. To say that the town that it's all in is also economically distressed, is equally understated. Add to the fact that the current owners, family members, have zero real estate experience, and the picture that's being painted isn't coming along very nicely. At least not in my eyes.

It also helps to know that one year after the owners' relatives' passing, about 7 years ago, the town that it's all in became a bona-fide, incorporated town. Before that it was all in the county's jurisdiction. If you don't know how these things work, think of it this way: Before the town incorporated, the county was an absentee parent. The town had one, it just didn't care for its child all that much. When the town became legit, when it incorporated, it was like a 100 year old got a 5 year old for a parent. So on top of having distressed commercial properties that the owners can only put band-aids on because of their financial situation that the short-sighted previuos owner left them in, you have a revoloving door of city officials who look very much like high schoolers doing their civics homework. Like little kids playing house. Apperently the previous owner didn't think that he was going anywhere anytime soon, because all of the finances and paperwork were in such a state of dissary, if they were even there at all, that it took the current owners 4YEARS and countless lawyers to straighten everything out. And if you haven't checked lately, lawyers don't come cheap and, from what I understand, they have the best that this area has to offer. I can understand thinking that you're healty and not anticipating death, but when you have cash and holdings worth 4 million dollars, you preapre for the inevitable. Whether you think it's 20 days or 20 years away is beside the point. You cover your a**. That's just what people do. I'm sure this person was nice enough, and God knows he was brilliant in other areas, I never met him/her personally, but it's obvious that real estate wasn't his/her game. And now it's passed along to other people who, by their own admission, don't know anything about it either.

And so here I am, the middle-man in all of this. A spectater who's expected to get work done. Between property owners who know nothing about property and a town hall that doesn't know anything about running a town. Talk about the blind leading the blind. Who needs a circus act when you've sh*t like this for entertainment? Both are babies on this stage learning as they go. And if that's not bad enough, we now have the EPA that has designated a part of this town as a suprerfund site. The same part of town where the majority of our properties are located. A superfund site is basically a part of a town that has been contaminated by chemicals to the point where the air, soil and water are unhealthy. We can thank the local industry of 75 years ago for that. Do you know what a superfund designation does to a town? It effectively kills it from a business perspective. From the neck up. Sorry, but no legitimate business is going to touch this town until the designation gets lifted. It takes 5 years for the clean-up process to finish. Then, they wait another 5 years for the work they've done to take hold. They come back at that point, 10 years after they started, and re-test everything. If everything passes, they lift the superfund designation. If it doesn't, they do it all again and we have to wait ANOTHER 10 years to see if it works out. Worst case scenerio, I'll be 60 beofre ANY of this is worth anything again. And that's assuming the overall economy has recovered.

I told myself last year that I'm not doing this for myself, which should be obvious, but I'm doing it for the next generation in the family. Problem is, most of the next generation seems to want nothing to do with any of it except for one kid. And bless his/her heart, but if he/she doesn't get more of an education, he/she isn't going to do well with it at all. The best of intentions will get you nowhere if you don't have the proper amount and type of intelligence to back it up. Why don't the current owners just sell and be done with it? Because they told their deceased relative, the previous owner they inherited all this from, that they would look after it, do their best and keep the property in the family. The problem here is, the family doesn't want it and the town can't handle it. I've spent the past 5 years of my life propping this sh*t up. Sorry, but my back hurts. I can understand wanting to keep your promise to your deceased relative for sentimental reasons. But when you have as much property as they do, there comes a point where you have to treat it like a business and keep your personal feelings out of it. There's too much of an ingoing/outgoing cash flow to treat it like a personal hobby. Funny how some people just can't make that connection while others can make it their life. The rest of the family wants nothing to do with it and it's not going to make a liveable income for anyone for at least 2 generations. But no, they're hanging on tooth and nail to the promise they kept to their relative 7 years ago. Don't get me wrong, I love the owners to death and I'd do anything for them. They have a heart of gold. But this really is going nowhere fast people. If you've been paying attention you'll see how this has been a star-crossed endeaver from day 1. The previous owners passing.

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People try to tell me, "You've got it good man, you don't have to pay rent." Fine. Here are the keys to everything, the names and numbers of everyone in town hall and the county complex that you need to know, the lawyer and the owner. Have at it. Come see me in 2 years, if you last that long, and tell me how it worked out for you. Tell me how much you enjoy putting band-aids on the structures because you can't afford a f**king operation. Because the previous owner left things in such a state of dissary array, that it took millions just to straighten it all out. The same previous deceased owner whom the current owners want to "keep happy". Tell me what it's like to be told to do things by people who have to get THEIR advice from still OTHER people, when YOU knw more than any of them combined. But since YOUR name isn't on any paperwork, you have to go through the "proper channels" to get things done. Tell me how much you enjoy dealing with the locals on a business level while your wife wants to interject her PERSONAL opinions into everything because it's her blood relatives' properties. Tell me how much you enjoy dealing with the county and the city on different structural and legal issues that YOU know each one has jurisdition over, while THEY don't.

I'm a property manager, not a majician. I can't fix the un-fixable. It's gotten to the point where if I try to tell my wife ANY of this, she'll flat out tell me "If you don't want any part of these properties, why are you still living here?" And she's serious. 15 years we're together and THIS is what my marraige has been reduced to? A f**king real estate transaction? This is what I get?

She's not a wife at this point. She's an education.

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I can't help it that her heart is bigger than her head. Runs in the family I guess. It doesn't make them bad people or any less loveable, but they just don't see how their actions affect other people. I don't hate her as much as I hate the way she's handling all of this. Those two things have become one in the same though. You can't hate one without hating the other. She really does believe that this is the best way of life we'll ever have. She's told me countless times over the years how smart I am. But when it comes to taking my advice she'll second guess me over anyone else. Especially blood. The fact of the matter is that we've grown apart. If it weren't because of this it would've been something else. 15 years. We've had a good run, but it just sickens me that it had to happen because of something like this. I'm not gonna lie, sometimes I cry about it. We've been through some real tough # together, she and I. We can finish each others' sentences at this point. We feel what the other one does. That's how tight we are. I guess it just goes to show that sometimes love isn't enough. This family is stuck in their own little world of sentimnetality though and they can't see the reality of certain situations. It's good to be emotional, but you really do have to keep your head in the game. It's a fine line. And the reality of this one is that we are not going to progress as a family, and we're certainly not going to provide the best life for our daughter, under these circumstances. And I certainly didn't make things the way they are. My wife has her blood families' interests as a priority over our childs'. Sorry, but I'm never going to see it that way and I wouldn't if it were my family in question.

There are extended family members here in this town as well, and as far as they're concerned, not all of them mind you, they seem to play her just to get what they want. A piece of the action which, apparatntly unbeknownst to them, is going to be financially worthless for a long time. She doesn't see this because her head is in this cloud of sentimentality that tells her "They're family, they have our best interest at heart." They know this and use it to their advantage. Try to get them to admit it though. Apparently she doesn't know yet what money, or at least the promise of it, can do to people. It's naivetee like that that is extremely dangerous in my book. These extended family members see what it's doing to our marraige. Putting a rift in it that is too wide to fix at this point. Do they care? Of course not. They keep doing what they're doing. They're scum. But try tell her THAT and all of a sudden I'm against her ENTIRE family. Something else she doesn't realize is how her own extended family dynamic seems to work. They say that blood is thicker than water. This blood family comes before I do, the one that has been propping this sh*t up for 5 years with minimal help from them. And even then it was like pulling teeth. It's obvious to me now because they all have this feeling that I'm about to call this sh*t a day and they're trying to backpedal by acting as if they like and respect me. You should've shown it to me throughout the years by listenening to what I had to say about everything. I'm smart remember? But don't listen to me. I'm too much of a realist and I aint blood. Screw off. Find yourselves another 'n-word'.

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The wife and I have a child together. This child has been doing some growing and learning since she's been here. As have I. The thing is, everyone else around us seems to be at a standstill emotionally and intellectually. Maybe there's a connection here, maybe there's not, but my child actually listens to me, takes my advice, respects me and doesn't second guess me. She's the only one in my life who gives me that. I'd take a bullet for that kid. It's like for the past 5 years I've been tending to a garden that just hasn't grown at all. Except for that one small rose in the corner. Gods Rose. The one no one else seems to pay much attention to. And if they do, they make it seem like work. I haven't forgotten where my priorities lie, and she's at the top of the list. Always has been, always will be. There's a feeling in my gut that tells me that we're going to have to make it through this together. She and I.

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And for the sake of my child, I need to keep things civil. As much as it pains me. Divorce? Not too worried about that one. It'll come and go without much fanfare. Her family has more than I do anyway. I'll help with our childs' neccesities and education because it's the right thing to do. I'm not about to drag her in the middle of this. I love her too much. It's her mother and that extended family I can do without. And you can't take one wthout the other at this point. So I'm eventually going to have to pay rent? Stop the presses, the world just came to a f**kin' end. I've lived on the streets before, I think I can handle this. Just recently, the job I'm at became technically secure. That was a load off my shoulders like you can't imagine. Well, NOW maybe you can. Just give me a small cottage somewhere with a pen and paper, my music and my daughter, and I'll be a happy camper. I don't ask for much.

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There, that feels MUCH better. And it doesn't matter really if anyone reads this or not. That wasn't the point. The point was to get it off my chest because it's been boiling inside me for well over a year now. Besides which, if you keep things like this inside too long you may end up doing and saying things that make other people feel uncomfortable. And that's the last thing I want. And it's gotten so bad, keeping this sh*t inside, that I haven't gotten any real sleep in 2 weeks and I've lost 25 pounds in 1 month. Don't get me wrong, I'm at my ideal body weight now, the BMI and everything, it's just HOW it happened I could've done without. I kept names and genders out of it for the sake of not making it appear that I was mudslinging. I'm not doing this to make anyone look bad. It is what it is and I feel what I feel. Put yourself in my shoes for the past 5 years and I can all but guarantee that you'd feel the same way. That you've been used without so much a reach-around or a kiss good-night. There's nothing anyone can do at this point to make it better. The damage has been done.

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There, that feels MUCH better. And it doesn't matter really if anyone reads this or not.

That wasn't the point.

Thank God... I only skimmed.

But I will flag just for the amount of typing good sir.

That sounds like a big mess! Part of me wants to say :- Get the hell out of it, leave everything behind, but you have so much..the kids and all.
Really cant give any advice, it was a heavy reading, but I wish you well. With your determination and heart, you will be rewarded one day, for that Im sure

That was quite a lot of venting there. I'm glad writing helps you release the "bad". It sure seems like it was a long time coming, and you have a massive pile of crap on your plate there. Its times like this I wish I could offer some sort of assistance, But like most (if not all) the people in your vent/rant; I know next to nothing about real estate. By the sounds of it, though, It seems to me your real beef is not having any help... Or rather any qualified help by someone who knows the game. I wish you well, though, I do. that's a lot of baggage for one man alone to bare.


P.S: While I also am no lawyer, but having dabbled every so slightly into the realm of "law", I believe there's some process you and your wife's family can go through so that you are legally a sort of agent for these properties, and there for can go about doing stuff without having your name on the paperwork. I will assume you lawyer knows of this, though, and I'm unsure it could apply to such a small scope (in terms of wanting agent status on just some of their properties and not say.. All of them.)Something to ask about, I guess.

reply to post by boncho


If I would've known YOU would be reading this, I would've put in a lot more dark sarcasm and other such humor to keep your attention.

I like your points of view by the way, and thanks for the star.

With your determination and heart, you will be rewarded one day, for that Im sure

Thank you for that. That is VERY MUCH appreciated.

man quite a mess i am very very sorry to hear all of this, right now there are other people out there in Terrible situations, Your not alone there is so much suffering happening today its just terrible. But you have so much on your plate its absolutely horrifying! Wow maybe you can look into more legal matters and try to straighten out more so you dont have to deal as much with idiots? if you havent tried that already...

i am currently fixing up a cabin Not being able to afford to do anything right yet im not really doing it wrong, just the hardest way possible My landlord is very small minded as well and if i tell him theres a leak its gotta be condensation... my bedroom was leaking the first 3 years and when it started caving in, he covered the roof in plastic for the winter, did not take it off in the spring like i said he should. oh it will be fine he said.... i stayed with my boyfriend for a few weeks because it was raining so bad and when i came back i had lost the whole room ... i have put all my money and time into it for the last 3 years, i had to rebuild the room but since i dont own it i had to do it his way, i couldnt extend the room apex like i wanted no no, just make it like a shed. give it more slope so its not flat like it was before. dont tear down the frame thats not worth it its good! i also wanted to add a room at the same time but no no no you dont need more room two bedrooms is fine for you. after 3 mo and the bedroom half done he said ok so i had to try to fit the new room with existing room instead of just building one structure on the side of the house it was two, i lost out on about 5000 in my personal money because i was not able to do it the right way... but for a property ive put so much into now i cannot move. lol i wish i could tell him and have him understand just what pains in the ass he has given me. After it was all in progress he was openly amazed at what i have done. im disabled, (had friends help do what i wanted/they thought was right) im female, im only 32, Theres no way i can actually know whats right...

my family seems to think i am stupid before i moved here i had bought a house but when i lost it i sold 90% of what i owned, i realized it was all jsut stuff, they were horrified that i had decided to go live in a tiny place to help out family friends, and because it was out of town they were like freaking out more, i see them just as much as i did then because they arent willing to drive 20 minutes on the interstate. just like they werent willing to drive 20 min in town to see me. yet its all my fault.

ugh I apologize... i went off on my own little rant here, that was not my intent. my point being

things will change if you let them, but choose wisely once things are done they are done... im sure you know that too... but i really feel for you, i really understand

you did an insane amount of typing i do that too but you werent like me all over the place.

i am glad you have your daughter though and she listens to you and she understands, that is great. such a wonderful thing.

i also have a garden that really doesnt do much growing i tend to... but i have fun planting and weeding anyways. even if i let a couple of the weeds grow just to keep things greener and make me feel like i can at least grow something LOL

anyways, best of luck to you and your daughter, things will pass in time.

You already know what needs to be done. All that remains is for you to do it.

S&F, Good luck, and

reply to post by Taupin Desciple


So...Long story short.

You hate your job and it has distanced you from your wife. I get it. Your Child is also the glue (responsibility and love) that keeps you going.

Is that about right?

Family can really mess things up in a relationship. Been there, done that. And kicked her to the curb when it started to take a toll on me, mentally and physically. You should maybe think of doing the same, if you deem your marriage to be unsalvageable.

Why should you suffer for their transgressions? You’re not Jesus, just a good man with a strong work ethic and good intentions. They made their bed, let them lie in it.

I also used to be the go-to guy at work as well. You say you are a manager. Well, start managing. Delegate responsibilities to the renters, make them stand up. And stick to your guns.

Educate them, I am sure some will realize that they didn’t know they had it in them, though there will be push back because you have been carrying their load for so long.

Have you had a family gathering to let them know you would like their assistance? I’m sure that some would pitch in and help take some of the stress off of your shoulders.

As for your term Bloodletting, I hear ya. I call it my Primal Scream. Unfortunately it does freak people out when I do it. But I feel so much better afterwards.

Good luck in the future.

My first thought was "why don't they sell off some of this to help finance upkeep on the rest?". I read your entire post and listened to every song You sound like a trapped man. If it weren't for your child you might be looney tunes by now. KIds are great that way - I would have been dead long ago if it weren't for my sons.
Anyhow, I feel for ya man and I can definitely appreciate your taste in music

This songs for you Taupin:


Good luck to you, I hope you can work things out. I was wondering if perhaps your wife shouldn't be the one reading this. Sometimes the written word communicates much better than the spoken word.
The twilight zone can often have unexpected endings, I hope the same for you.

Cheers,
Asktheanimals

Originally posted by Klassified
You already know what needs to be done. All that remains is for you to do it.

S&F, Good luck, and

I do like that attitude. Thanks. Being that there is a child involved and money being an issue, it will take a bit longer than I want. But it will happen.

you did an insane amount of typing

i do that too but you werent like me all over the place.

i am glad you have your daughter though and she listens to you and she understands, that is great. such a wonderful thing.

i also have a garden that really doesnt do much growing i tend to... but i have fun planting and weeding anyways. even if i let a couple of the weeds grow just to keep things greener and make me feel like i can at least grow something LOL

anyways, best of luck to you and your daughter, things will pass in time.

That's quite alright dear, rant away.

Your landlord doesn't sound simpleminded, he sounds cheap. Don't be so kind honey. People like that tend to use kindness like yours to their advantage. You can say it's all good, that it's only money or personal possisions, but that doesn't take away from the fact that he's using you. You're not stupid, you're just too good natured when it comes to business dealings. That's the way I see it at least. I could be wrong.

Where was your boyfriend while all this was happening?

I don't know what state you live in, but where I live there are statutes against the owner of a building, residential or commercial, letting the tenant do their own work with money out of their own pocket, on the structure where the tenant lives but doesn't own. Google: (Insert state) residential landlord tenant act, and you should find what you need concerning the laws that cover this type of thing in your state.

And because the amount was $5,000+, I'd definately look into it. Don't beat yourself up over it though. We all make mistakes.

Your family sounds like mine BTW. Good for the holidays only, you know?

But it is good that you don't take a lot of stock in material things. Those things can be replaced. There's not a lot of us who think like that left in the world anymore. Personally, I don't like a lot of stuff, but what I do have I like to be the best. ( Just don't look at my truck. It'll make a liar ot of me.:lol

I've been writing for many years now and I've gotten it down to an art form. To be perfectly honest with you though, that thread took about 2 days to write/type. First and second drafts and all. It may have been a rant, but there were certain things I had to take into careful consideration before I posted it on the world wide web. The personal parts I weren't too concerned with. It was the business end of it that I had to be very careful with the wording of. Thanks for noticing though. You sound like a very sweet girl.

Actually, you sound kinda like someone I kinda know

And if you're talking about gardening in the same way I was, as an analogy, then you really are a sweet girl. LOL

My daughter's a real trooper. We'll be just fine. Thank you so much for mentioning it.

And yes, I will link you a song with my daughter in mind. This song was written about a girlfriend, but if you take out the line "Watch her walk," a man or woman can just as easily sing it about their daughter.

Keep it innocent but wise honey, and you'll be an angel flying to close to the ground.

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well you may be right on cheap, i guess ive seen him do some pretty cheap things lol!!!! always about saving a dollar, maybe its just the generation he grew up in, he also has that stigma that women arent good for much but you know. babies and housework... I pretty much confuse the hell out of him, because when i describe things he doesnt quite understand, but he will say the exact same thing in different words and ill say ahh i seee yeah that will work LOL

ty for the song, it fits me today and made me smile and happy, my daughter is coming to visit this weekend so wow yeah ty! made me happy! You and your daughter sound just like me and mine troopers.

all of my gardening is an attempt to know how to garden "metaphorically" using flowers outside and trying to keep them alive before trying anything further... lol! im not a very good plant keeper. so i guess its practice for future.

My boyfriend works for the post office and does not know anything about carpentry. he is gone six days a week anywhere from 6 am to whenever the mail is out, He also subs for another lady that calls in sick all the time and needs to retire because she just flat out doesnt do her job, hes been there oh near 7 years and hopefully this year someone will retire so he can go FUll time and get the post office benefits lol right now hes still part time makes good money but works nearly full time as it is so its a mess there too. and it gets messier with kids and an ex wife involved. ugh.

i had no idea there were things against that ty for letting me know, Hes like family to me, so i trust him an know hes not going to do anything dishonest, but i know that a lot of people would, overall hes got good intentions he just isnt a carpenter either, knows nothing of anything but the work he does and fishing

i write some i hear you on the making sure everything is written correctly, you really dont want to make things different than they really are if there is business and family and stuff involved, i am amazed that you did take so long in writing it, very devoted thats awesome. I can telll you put a lot of hard work into it great job.

i will try to stay wise, but i dont know how innocent i really am LMAO, i do a good job faking it though

ty again for the song, and keep up the hard work and planning, you are doing a great thing for your daughter by keeping it organized and making sound decisions, not many people do that.

much luck to you and your daughter and ty for your very kind reply.

if you ever want to rant well i have a small knowledge of business from my associates degree lol doubt it would help much but i would understand more or less what your talking about lol! so here is an ear if you need one

toodles

i will try to stay wise, but i dont know how innocent i really am LMAO, i do a good job faking it though

I like you. Sensible with a "saucy" sense of humor. You're on my friends list. Your boyfriend is a lucky man. I feel for him as far as his hours go though. Working "full time" to cover for others. He sounds like a good man as well.

Hope you and your daughter have a good time.

I'm sure we'll talk later. Take care.

reply to post by Taupin Desciple


sounds good, id love to communicate again lol i had already put you on my friends list : had no idea youd do the same...

Toodles

Taupin Desciple
As usual im late to this party or rant..I hope things are going better for you i have no advice.. Giving advice isn't one of my strong suits and either is spelling at least your hanging in there i just gave up and got a divorce ended it all..But i do have this to offer from my heart hugssssssssssssssss..sugarcookie1 S&F