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Capitalism . . . with a human face

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posted on Sep, 10 2004 @ 11:35 PM
Here it is, a major advance in Western civilization:

(link is for picture purposes only. I don't have a picture-phone).

Finally, somone (Frank) hit upon the INGENIOUS idea of making a single-serving sized container of sauerkraut. Personally, I like the zing of kraut on my sandwich. But until now, I never got any.

The main culprit has been the smell.

Frau Doktor and the doktorlings always complain about the odor when I open a jar. They complain about it taking up space in the fridge. I am forced to eat my sandwich standing out on the patio, like some hired peon, rather than eat at the Head of the table, like the Dominus Domicilium that I am by right.

But now, because of THIS, the answer of industry to the needs of the proletariat, I am able to eat one layer on a sandwich, then wash the package out and hide it in a ziploc baggie and none of the familia are any the wiser. They kind of look at you like maybe a ghost just farted in the room or something. But they never find the proof.

And so, in conclusion, capitalism is thus proven as the last best hope for humanity.

posted on Sep, 11 2004 @ 12:01 AM

Ya know...I swear I've seen those single serving sauerkraut packages before...doesn't Heinz make them?! Heinz for humanity?!

It's the anti-Fight Club method of obtaining equality and peace...the single serving way!

posted on Sep, 11 2004 @ 12:29 AM
I think the REAL reason my family resents my ingestion of the sacred cabbage cactus is because they are secretly ashamed of my Teutonische heritage.

They are the same ones who rail against my ritual ingestion of Jaegermeister when brother and I are out deerhunting.

They say: Eat chinese food, and an hour later, your hungry.

But eat german food, and and an hour later, your hungry--for power!


posted on Sep, 11 2004 @ 02:55 AM

Deutchland deutchland, uber alles (except pixyland of course

Hic ... need more schnapps !!!

posted on Sep, 11 2004 @ 08:18 AM
I too have felt the brunt of my Authoritarian rule in my own home being minimized by the taking of a wife. Her slightly more equal vote always outweighing my own in matters of smell.

That coffee you like stinks.
Ugh! You smell like whiskey.
Have you been eating pickles?
I don't think you washed these sheets right.

And the ominous precursor to the worst spring day of your life...

What's that smell?

Luckily I didn't fall for the old let's make more voters on my side trick before disbanding the union altogether.

posted on Sep, 12 2004 @ 03:57 PM
Pity for you Rant, on numerous counts.

You'd get a gas out of my relationship, which in so many ways is patriarchal in a downright gothic style.

I'm a great deal older than the Frau Dr., so some of my missives carry more weight.

I quite literally have a throne in front of the TV set. House guests for the most part have the good sense not to try and sit in what is obviously "the helm."

Frau Dr. is a proffessional, w/ her own business. Many of our liberal friends were horrified by our wedding vows, in which Frau Dr. said "obey." Even the pastor querried her about it. Her response was that she had been saving herself for marriage to a man whom she felt she could actually obey. Her friends suspect me of being a svengali, or some kind of bondage nut. Her Middle Eastern origins only add to their supposition that I'm some kind of chauvanist. (IS that racist, or what???)

When challenged by coworkers, her response has actually been "I thought being liberated means that I get to live my life the way I want. THIS is what I want, so it's not really any of your business."

On the other hand, I am the one who does the dishes. I see it as my gesture of solidarity with the masses at Strangecraft Manor. Very magnanymous of me, I assure you. Frau makes oblique references to "ruling from below. . ."

posted on Sep, 12 2004 @ 05:33 PM
But no worries for me as after my failed experient in affairs of equality I too sampled the submissive delicacies from a variety of take out menus offering exotic dishes of distant lands. (Sexist AND racist, eh?) Dancing ever lower to a dangerously decreasing limbo of (legal) age and education to see just how pliable pliable can be. Answer: too pliable.

Eventually finding that none offered the rewards, experience or vacation opportunities of a well bred sugar momma.

I'm not proud, just well vaccinated.

posted on Sep, 13 2004 @ 07:16 AM
very nice, rant.

the unknown philosopher.

It suddenly hit me as I showered this morning that my wife will NEVER drink coffee with me. I sort of knew it subconsciously, but it never sank in.

She only drinks alcohol if the the drink tastes more of sugar than of alcohol

She never uses alka-selzer or cough syrup, "Because it tastes bad." (I have been known to take an alka-selzer before bed when my stomach was fine, I just wasn't sleepy.)

Her put-down of Jaegermieister is that it 'tastes like cough syrup.' I saw that as a whole 'nother selling point. I like niqyl, too; but it's only a quarter alcohol.

She says that coffee "smells wonderful but tastes like poo-poo." (Ah the fruits of a masters-level vocabulary!)

She doesn't like the smell of my espresso-maker; I wonder if that's what you were referring to, Rant?

My cigars were always a point of contention. I know it wasn't about cancer risks, because she liked my pipe tobacco (french vanilla). I quit cigarettes and got "off the pipe" when she said "yes." Haven't sparked a bowl since.

I suspect that women just don't like sour foods. I crave them.

I understand totally that some people just aren't "the marrying kind." I had given up on long term relationships, and actually sworn off marriage, when I met a pert young thing that rocked my world, on every plane. Her touch is still like an electric shock, after 6 years of marriage. Speaking of, I think I'll go wake her up now. . .

posted on Sep, 15 2004 @ 12:05 AM
*Does a Will Smith Dam-n*

You guys seem to be so happy in your marriages, I'm envious. I hope to some day be married. It's just going to be hard to find someone I want to spend my whole life for. I'm only 17, so I hope that I can have a good marriage someday too..

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