I was once very lost. not like I am any closer to being found. but. the question and the doubt. the pain and the guilt of life are not so much I can't
bare it anymore. I have come to the realization that in the end. all my misery, all my pain, the anguish of having a heart and seeing something
beautiful in you die. all the evil things I did...all the remorse I felt because of them. Hate, pure hate spewing from the innermost part of my very
core. it was too much. I wanted a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I am glad I was wrong about that too
In the end our past is a thing to be forgotten as that is its nature. It is rewritten like a page washed of its ink and placed before the quill of
life's hand. unfolding its essence upon the page of our existence. 1 man. irrelevant to the change of anything in his passing time here. Even those
who in greatness shine will be forgotten over time and replaced with the next and the next forever. what of it to us .especially when a life of hate
of pain. anger because of injustice. sorrow because of cruelty. misery of not having. broken will, shattered spirit .dead soul
I just said enough one day. The cold made me feel my own warmth. the end and finite part of it, the absolute of death about it all. It made me turn
all my overwhelming energy into a defiance of that way of life I could no longer understand. co-exist with. I learned to see past those things so as
to see my own inner peace with or without this world
This world I see as a thing that complements and enhances my happiness. not creates it or makes it for me.
My truth, the one I forge by my will and being, my truth I use as the template of what good I see fit .I DO NOT succumb anymore to letting myself be
destroyed by this false logic, dark logic that makes me chase my sin in the name of my virtue
I live for the existence of virtue. MY virtue. those things I choose to make true. that change I will to become so as to change my world. MY world.
not THE world. into something I believe in. something I defend. My purpose I decide. My death I think not of. I choose to align my destiny. my today
so as to have not hope but acceptance of
I shall let it be because of me. Good is not dead as long as I breath. no matter the times I fall because of malice. hate. evil. THE PURPOSE OF MY
EXISTANCE is justified and made noble for every time I rise again in defiance of those things that destroy me. I become my absolute good. my absolute
love. my absolute righteous. pure me. sacred child I have protected in me. sacred mustard seed I keep of all that is beautiful about my being.
everything worth a damn about me .all I am .for the sake if it all. will be the phoenix of my story. the smile I keep in my soul
I am not ashamed of who I am .SHAME is the irrelevant factor in the equation of our worth .Our worth determined by the heart we TRY to have .the fire
we burn against the cold of the world .we choose not to let die .we are the light against the darkness .in defense of life itself we stand .protectors
of our existence .keepers of legacy in the face of constant adversity throughout time. against all evils has our good stood and been preserved
throughout time so as to know it now
If any good be known today for us to know, it is because some people chose to AGAINST ALL ODDS go with their truth, regardless of it being accepted
or endorsed by the will of the beast in us. his passions our not our masters. our logic and peace. our love which we try to better understand each day
.the very concept of loving so difficult to know. our doubt always trying to see where our weakness plays games with our wit
we turn on ourselves and hurt ourselves so as to acknowledge the pain .so we can't turn away from it when it hurts the most. looking at the pain
square in the eye .defying the malice .not for hates sake. but for the honor of your own conscience to yourself .that power of releasing yourself from
duty .doing good for the sake of fulfilling a need in any given situation. the need for what in truth is righteous to the moment
I say ask not why exist and decide based on the pain. I say define why existence is in you .based on your truth .don't sacrifice in honor of it .live
in honor for it
In your mind see the endless lineage you share with the good in you, that hope for you we sometimes see as ending. Imagine going back to the moment
you first came into existence and realize that no matter what course our good may take after that moment, nothing is more important than that moment.
not even its end. since its creation, nothing after that will effect anything so profoundly .that is enough to make it through with a smile in your
soul day after day in an endless blur of vivid detail and amazement of the littlest things which bring the greatest fullness and satisfaction
Know the world is reborn everyday....know you can be as well....dont give up.....
peace, love, respect
and we keep one on the tally. I hope
edit on 31-12-2011 by newyorkee because: (no reason given)