posted on Dec, 14 2011 @ 03:55 AM
I have always been on ATS and decided to join,
Im 33, live in the states, am into all the topics here including ufos, mysticism, conspiracies, etc.
Big thing for me is that I battle with wanting to be a women. Have been battling this since being a wee lad. Have even taken hormones off and on and
dress up in girls clothes.
However I just can't take this anymore..... Half of the time I like being a guy and would want to stay that way. The other half of the time the urge
is overwhelming to switch genders. Its been so bad that I have contemplated suicide and wish I could be left alone and live a normal life.
So I came on here to get some advice. The counselors and psychologists have all been shmucks and their advice has sucked. I have pretty much seen as
my only option 1 of 2 things:
1. Is to end myself for my miseries
2. (which I have been leaning more towards) Is to find some sort of escape in ego death ala buddhism/mysticism. I fantasize about reaching a permanent
state of no 'I' in the picture and seeing all desires (including this feminine one) as empty shells.
However, working full time and being wrapped up in the modern world, media, women all around me (more envy to be one than to be with one) I got
bombarded by this desire to be one. Its almost as if something is attached to me that keeps feeding me these strong desires to change into fem.
Anyway, glad to be here and looking forward to getting some advice on how to win this battle.
ATS and You guys all ROCK!!!!!