How upset should I really be?

reply to post by DiiTrOn


True, this period is the biggest test of all.

If she wants some cheap thrills with another guy she can go for it. She will be the one who will have to live with her regret afterward. I could end up with some regret also but at least I wouldn't have tainted myself in the process.

Why would she even call that other guy if she wasn't hoping for something. And she might say that she would've never taken it to the physical level but lets be honest when you're at the bar drunk you don't care as much about the consequences.

I don't know about you but I think commitment is very important in a relationship, if you're not gonna be committed don't even get in that relationship and waste that persons time when they could be finding real love. And if she showed weakness in staying committed now she's probably just gonna cheat eventually. IMO dump her and find a girl that will love you and won't feel the need to seek attention from other men.

Stay broken up and find a new place. You will save HER more heart break from having to deal with you in the future when you become too violent or crazed when she actually does cheat on you....Which she will because she is already looking out for Mr. Right. You obviously are not it.... Sorry

reply to post by Sentience365


She screwed him and now shes guilty bro. Wake up you did the right thing.

reply to post by Starwise


Ouch, harsh but I appreciate the advice anyway. I hope I could avoid her as much heartbreak as she is causing me right now for sure, so maybe I'll take your advice.

Also, I hope that if she is looking for Mr. Right that her first interest is not an indication of her eventual outcome. A junkie loser from high school is not much of a step up in the world. But I suppose it's saying something about me if she wanted to hang out with him over me right?

reply to post by Sentience365
I read over the story again. Im sticking with my first assumption. Shes no good. Something did happen. She realized it after the fact that youre the better choice and its killing her inside. If it was harmless flirting or even phone or text messages who cares. Why did she even bring it up if nothing happened. Ive had it done before to me. These women down play the whole thing.

Its the old adage "Its not you, its me" thing. F her one more time for good measure and leave her.

Yeah sorry about that, I didnt mean to sound so harsh.....Sometimes words in your head look different on the board.
But yes, stay away from her, especially if you are in your young twenties...Much better things will come your way!

reply to post by Starwise


Why do you assume he is violent. Not all men beat women. Most just walk away! you made this guy out to be some ticking timebomb. Apology needed

Dude
You have done the right thing cut her out of your life completely make sure she has all her pocessions, and gifts back. Delete her from your phone fb etc and start dating taking care to make sure she knows about it. Are any of gfs hot if so start unashamedly hitting on them. Do not be mean to her or about her to anyone, if your paths cross give her a cheerful greeting and carry on your way. Hit the gym get some cool new duds eat healthy sleep well. In a very short time your life will be better than you ever dreamed possible.

Trust me

reply to post by Starwise

You made few assumtions in that post. hes violent and not worthy of her!!! lol just like a woman

reply to post by Sentience365


you did the right thing. walk away & don't look back. you've only learned of a very tiny percentage of what's really been going on. so many females are always looking for the next best thing. i'd bet dollars to donuts this is not the first time she's had her paw in the cookie jar.

if girlfriend wasn't perfectly willing to play you for the fool none of this would have happened. run, run like the wind.

reply to post by Sentience365


Innocent flirting is relatively harmless, as long as both parties realize it won't go any further than that. But there is a fine line between flirting and desire, and it is easily crossed.

Were you too harsh? Maybe. Breaking up with her was probably the result of Man's most basic instinct - self-preservation. Ultimately, you were just trying to protect yourself from getting hurt. It might be harsh. It might be cruel. It might even be unfair. But, again...self-preservation. You gotta do what you gotta do.

reply to post by Sentience365


Unfortunately, old flames can be an ongoing threat to any relationship, regardless of gender or years past. Especially if there are underlying issues in the current relationship.

If you love the girl, which only you know, I'd make an effort to reconcile with her and give her an opportunity to rebuild the trust.

If there's no love nor trust, financial commitments or not....I'd be gone in a flash.

reply to post by Sentience365


Dude, I'm not saying be selfish, but I'm also saying never be played as a fool either. If you feel deep down inside that there is something wrong, save your dignity. Dude, you're not being harsh, you're being a man of principle.

Originally posted by Sentience365
reply to post by DiiTrOn

 

True, this period is the biggest test of all.

If she wants some cheap thrills with another guy she can go for it. She will be the one who will have to live with her regret afterward. I could end up with some regret also but at least I wouldn't have tainted myself in the process.

Exactly. If what you had was something really special and valuable, based on love and trust, you could see it as a vase made of chrystal. Beautiful and fragile. But she shattered it, you were just the guy who did not want to try to glue the million pieces together (knowing it would probably never look the same anyway) Sorry for the partly cheesy metaphor, but I think it kinda works.

What could change things: have you ever done anything similar to her?

reply to post by Sentience365

I have since broken up with her and I am in the process of finding a new place to live. Everyone around me states that I am being extremely harsh and that she is a great girl who just made a silly mistake. I on the other hand still dwell on the "what if's" and find it close to impossible to trust her after this incident. I need some advice ATS, I have A LOT invested in this relationship both emotionally and financially. Am I being too hasty? Have my emotions and ego gotten the better of me?

You were too hasty. She was wrong (in both asking him to meet her, and not telling you about it). You should ask her, "How would you feel if the roles were reversed, and I met some girl at her work?". Then, put it behind you, accept her apology, and move on.

You can't get upset over "what-ifs"...that'll just drive you crazy. She was likely flattered by the attention, and wanted some more of it. Give her some attention, and show her how cool of a guy (and secure) you can be.

reply to post by Sentience365


No way dude. I would of done the same. Dont waste your time on someone who can't make up their mind about someone who they have been with for a while and some dude who was looking for a booty call. She needs to learn a little self-respect and maybe take the time to do some reflection along with yourself.

This isn't a time to get soft, if you want to get back with her later then you have to show her you don't play highschool games and she is walking a thin line. Everyone is different in relationships and using your instinct isn't below reason in these situations.

Originally posted by Gazrok
reply to post by Sentience365

 

I have since broken up with her and I am in the process of finding a new place to live. Everyone around me states that I am being extremely harsh and that she is a great girl who just made a silly mistake. I on the other hand still dwell on the "what if's" and find it close to impossible to trust her after this incident. I need some advice ATS, I have A LOT invested in this relationship both emotionally and financially. Am I being too hasty? Have my emotions and ego gotten the better of me?

You were too hasty. She was wrong (in both asking him to meet her, and not telling you about it). You should ask her, "How would you feel if the roles were reversed, and I met some girl at her work?". Then, put it behind you, accept her apology, and move on.

You can't get upset over "what-ifs"...that'll just drive you crazy. She was likely flattered by the attention, and wanted some more of it. Give her some attention, and show her how cool of a guy (and secure) you can be.

If she is mature yea this would work, but in most cases, people are more and more unusually adolescent when in comes to relationships and cannot handle this level of maturity. Plus, if you already moved out then maybe you were looking for an excuse to get out anyway (no judgement here) so ride out the storm and see what is left afterward. Most likely itll be time to move on..

OP, I don't think you should let anyone tell you how you should/ should not feel. Those are your emotions to own. To me, it sounds like you need time to gain some perspective on your relationship and taking space is a good way to do that. Your relationship, if it goes forward, should do so after you have both gained some clarity and have then had the chance to speak honestly ... can you do so now? Can she?

reply to post by Sentience365

Ha, I seriously doubt that, something I failed to mention is that this guy is on probation. He was a pill junkie and help up a store at knife-point. I asked what would compel her to flirt with such a loser and she replied "I just wanted to see if I could get someone's attention."

exactly, you see women don't care if they guy has had some problems in his past or even in his present. They'll actually think this gives him depth, an edge, and possibly emotional complexity. Also women love a fixer upper. You're thinking logically about the whole thing, women NEVER do that. They'll let their emotions run their lives when it comes to relationships everytime. Not trying to scare you. but someone in this thread has to tell it like it is. Don't understand why it always has to be me.