jokes to share

What did the farmer say when he lost his dog?
Dog gone.
What did he say when he lost his tractor?
Where's my tractor?

reply to post by darrman
Alternitive Nursery Rhymes;
Mary, Mary, quite contrary how does your garden grow.....
"I live in a flat you stupid prat, how the hell would I know"

Mary had a little lamb its fleece was white & whispy.....
Along came Foot & Mouth Disease so now it is black and crispy !

Jack & Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick Jills fanny.....
Jack got a shock & a mouthfull of cock as Jill is a f**king Tranny !

reply to post by Cuervo


What did the mathematician say when he lost his parrot?




Poly-gone

A German man walks into an American restaurant,

The waitress says hello, the man replies wie gehts?

The waitress yells back to the cook wheat cakes,

the man say nein nein,

the waitress say nine no way sir,

we only serve two and you are lucky if you get three.

A man walked into a pet shop and said "I should like to buy a wasp, please"

The shopkeeper scratched his head for a minute then said "Well, sir we have some puppies, or kittens and a couple of hamsters. There are guineas pigs and rabbits to choose from and we have gerbils coming in next week. We have tropical fish if they would take your fancy or a horse if you're a little more adventurous. We stock budgies and talking parrots, it wouldn't be too difficult to order you a canary.

But alas, sir, we have no wasps"

The man's face fell in disappointment.

"But, but" he said "you had one in the window yesterday"

Dr Cosma walks into a bar with a tiger.
He asks the bartender, "excuse me mate, you got any problems serving spaniards?"
The bartender replies "no, not at all."
The Doc said "ok then, i'll have a pint of guiness and a spaniard for the tiger."

(only jokes)

An English man, a Spanish Man and a Gibraltarian man go to hell after they die.
They're all standing in front of the devil himself.
The devil tells them that they're going to play a game.
Each one of them would have to ask the devil something and the devil would answer.
If the devil got the question right, the man would have to spend all eternity in hell, if not they were free to go to heaven.
So the devil called the English Man.
The man asked the devil "what's welsh rarebit?"
The devil laughed and replied "toast with melted cheese and Lea & Perrins sauce"!
Down to the pits of fire he went.
The devil called the Spanish man.
The man asked the devil "from which place does the paella originate?"
The devil laughed again and replied "from Valencia"!
Down to the inferno he went.
The devil called the Gibraltarian man.
The man asked the devil "can I have a chair?"
"Sure why not" replied the devil.
The Gibraltarian man grabbed the chair and pulled a pen knife out of his back pocket.
He stabbed the chair lots of times making little holes everywhere.
Then he sat down and let one go....
The Gibraltarian man then got up and asked the devil "from which hole did it come out off?"
The devil looked at the chair and pointed to one of the holes and said "that one"!

The man said "WRONG"!
He then pointed to his bum and said "this one."