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jokes to share

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posted on Sep, 17 2011 @ 06:37 PM
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I emailed ten puns, to friends, in the hope that at least one of the puns, would make them laugh?

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.







posted on Sep, 17 2011 @ 06:39 PM
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reply to post by darrman
 


If you don’t pay your exorcist-- you can get repossessed.



posted on Sep, 17 2011 @ 06:39 PM
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reply to post by darrman
 


Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?



posted on Sep, 17 2011 @ 06:42 PM
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reply to post by darrman
 


I get enough exercise pushing my luck.



posted on Sep, 17 2011 @ 06:44 PM
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stick to the day job darman.



posted on Sep, 17 2011 @ 06:47 PM
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...A magician was driving down the street, he turned into a parking lot......



posted on Sep, 17 2011 @ 06:47 PM
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Originally posted by neonitus
stick to the day job darman.


thx lol i will



posted on Sep, 17 2011 @ 06:48 PM
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reply to post by BlastedCaddy
 


when is a door,, not a door???


when its ajar !



posted on Sep, 17 2011 @ 06:51 PM
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Q: What is the most positive thing in harlem?
A: HIV



loool too soon? haha



posted on Sep, 17 2011 @ 06:52 PM
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My brother just got his blackbelt in Taekwondo. Being the older sibling, I am a bit conflicted about this. I used to be able to just throw him into the wall. Now I have to hit him with a pipe.



posted on Sep, 17 2011 @ 06:53 PM
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reply to post by seedofchucky
 


I bought a box of animal crackers and it said on it “Do not eat if seal is broken.” So I opened up the box, and sure enough.....



posted on Sep, 17 2011 @ 06:54 PM
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reply to post by darrman
 


nothing happier then a blown seal...



posted on Sep, 17 2011 @ 07:00 PM
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reply to post by darrman
 



My wife and I took out life insurance policies on each other — so now it’s just a waiting game.......



posted on Sep, 17 2011 @ 07:05 PM
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reply to post by darrman
 



When the waitress in a New York City restaurant, brought him the soup du jour, the Englishman was a bit dismayed.
“Good heavens,” he said, “what is this?”
“Why, it’s bean soup,” she replied.
“I don’t care what it has been,” he sputtered. “What is it now?”



posted on Sep, 17 2011 @ 07:07 PM
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reply to post by darrman
 



posted on Sep, 17 2011 @ 07:08 PM
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A skeleton walks into a bar... he orders a beer, and a mop.



posted on Sep, 17 2011 @ 07:16 PM
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reply to post by DeReK DaRkLy
 


A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the “no haggle” attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, “Maybe I’ll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!” The shopkeeper said, “By all means, be my guest. Maybe you’ll luck out and catch yourself a big one!” Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.
Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the blonde flips the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts out, “Darn, this one isn’t wearing any shoes either!”



posted on Sep, 17 2011 @ 07:19 PM
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reply to post by darrman
 



Today the IRS gave some guidelines on how to avoid getting audited. Number one, don’t list deductions that will raise a red flag. Number two; make sure you file on time. Number three, don’t make any stupid anti-war speech at the Academy Awards.!!



posted on Sep, 17 2011 @ 07:22 PM
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reply to post by darrman
 


My girlfriend asked me,

"Have you ever had magic mushrooms?"

I replied, "No, but I once had a cucumber that could do card tricks."



posted on Sep, 17 2011 @ 07:26 PM
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reply to post by darrman
 



I failed my driver’s test.
The guy asked me “what do you do at a red light?”

I said, I don’t know… look around, listen to the radio…



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