Twisted Females

Hello,

As someone of you may already know, I've recently split up with my long term girlfriend of 4, almost 5 years and expectedly I'm a little down about it.

I'm not going to go into the full details on here but let's just say she decided to leave me at the worst possible time you could imagine, a time where I was already struggling with other serious problems, in all fairness the timing couldn't have been worse for me.

Now, I've had it explained that she probably used the the other issues I was dealing with as a platform to finally summon the courage to say enough is enough, I agree with this as I was already aware of problems in our relationship and it was quite clear to me on some subconscious level that she wasn't happy with the way things were going.

What I'd like to ask or more to the point elaborate on is why are females like this? Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to tar all females with the same bush but this isn't the first time I've been treated in this manner and I unfortunately don't think it will be the last.

To cut a long story short, I've had issues in the past that I will happily agree would in all fairness make me a difficult person to live with. However, I have always provided for the girl, always had her best interests at heart and have asked the question a thousand times, "What's wrong?"

Being hit with the inevitable "Nothing" and struggling in vain to think of another method around her stubbornness, I simply gave up. There's only so much someone can take and I had basically had enough, although this is where the story becomes interesting.

At that point we had a major argument and ironed out our differences, she once again promised if there was ever a problem she would tell me and that she did in fact love me, no matter what.

Now repeat the above probably 6 or 7 times, which leads us to the events of last week. Like I said I'm not going to mention them here but they were unrelated to her but caused me significant pain and worry...

Then in the days following she was her usual moody self and I explained that I couldn't deal with her behaviour considering what I'd been through and that I was going to the pub, once at the boozer I receive a phone call from the good lady telling me we need to talk.

Cut a longer story short, this is where she quite candidly informs me that we aren't getting on and although she still cares doesn't want to be with me any longer.

My simple question is why if she was so unhappy did she let the cycle continue for as long as it did? Why didn't she just make her thoughts/opinions known when I first pursued the issue?

In my opinion it's because she knew she was better off her with me than simply going back and living with her parents, DAMN TWISTED FEMALES

P.S. Once again I'll add that I by no means believe all females to be of this nature and in fact some of the lovely members on this board have given me tons of advice the past week, so don't take offence nice ladies, I just needed to vent in a written format.

it's not just females mate.

there's always one person happier than the other in any relationship (apparently)

this time it was you.

man up and move on bud,

rubbish advice, but the best there is!

reply to post by Beavers


Yeah your right, I just feel like eating red hot embers right now

reply to post by Death_Kron


I´m sorry you are going through a rough patch right now.

In my opinion it's because she knew she was better off her with me than simply going back and living with her parents, DAMN TWISTED FEMALES

I see this happening a lot. Girl is not quite happy in her relationship, screws around with other guys, but refuses to end the steady relationship she is in, becuase they have a place and steady income together.

It makes me sick, apparently a good provider and security is worth more than true love, to women. I think it is an evolutionairy developed trait.

reply to post by CaptainInstaban


Thanks

Exactly my point, she wasn't quite happy but she was happy enough for me to buy her food, provide her shelter, buy her gifts, talk to her about her issues, look after her, take her out etc etc

reply to post by Death_Kron


I love women and they are great, believe me. I support them 1000%, and Ive got a great one at home too. The absolute best. And 10 years younger than I...so, all things considered...dont let this get you down.

Dont use the terms "she was happy enough for ....food etc". She used you for what she could get. All the while she was trying to find a time and way to leave. She just took what you gave for as long as you gave it to her. And she would continue too if she didnt split. Dont feel bad about being used.

Just like trains...another one comes along every few minutes. Why not take the advice the ladies give you here on ATS? Hear them out. They know.

Peace........

reply to post by Death_Kron


Welcome.

This is one of the reasons I will be an eternal bachelor. Eligible that is, lol.

Women just have way to much mechanisms that they are lead by, that have nothing to do with love.

Maybe men are sometimes lead by their penisses, but at least that´s a somewhat honest mechanism, we actually desire the person, and not the status, wealth or power of that person.

To quote my best friend, " Women are like monkeys. They never let go of a branch until they have another in hand."

Not all women are like this of course. For any relationship to be successful there must be a level of maturity involved. When one person is lacking that maturity the relationship is bound to have difficulties.

Look at it this way. If she loved you and was worth having in your life she would still be by your side. Seeing as she "skipped town" on you she isn't worth having in your life. Be strong about it all and just move forward. There is no single answer to why poeple do the things they do. People will justify anything if it serves them.

The next time she comes around remember the pain that she has put you through and don't fall for anything she presents to you.

Best of luck.

DK, it's a tough situation the one youre going through and if she aint stuck with you now then she used the situation to leg it mate.

So that should tell you that she didnt love you as much as she told you. Maybe you dont want to hear that but it's probably true, alot of people cant face the music so they just cut corners.

I been in a couple relationships already, one of 2 years, another of 4 years and now 5 years.

Im having trouble in my relationship as we speak, but, head high mate, head high.

I know it's hard to hear but you have to keep telling yourself you'll be better off.

When my first marriage ended I was devastated. I wanted a family and one woman, etc and she decided it was OK to be selfish and go re-live her 21 yr old days w/ the clubs, drinking herself into a coma and so on, all w/ two very young children in tow. Of course the courts didn't care that I wanted to be a parent and would have taken better care of my kids, how would she and the State collect 35 percent of my income that way?

I wish I'd been able to see the future back then. I would have been solidly OK with things if I had.

I've been married for 10 yrs now to a woman who values children, family and marriage. She's a former swimsuit model and younger than me just enough for us to be exactly what the other wants. I went from doing blue collar work @ 2 jobs to a white collar profession with a 6 figure salary and some degree of fame in my area of expertise.

As bad as things might seem now you really have no way of knowing what might be ahead. I feel like I traded in a broken down, leaking Geo metro for a Bently.

As for my ex?
She lives in a trailer park in some invisible redneck mosquito pit with her 3rd trimester beer belly and no one willing to put up with her crap long enough to displace the dust on the furniture. Her kitchen looks like something out of Hoarders and gravity is kicking her ass. She confided to a mutual friend once that she blew it big time and couldn't find a dude because none of them could compete with what she gave up.

Karma, bro. It's real and it WORKS!

You say you always put yourself in the roll of provider. You've identified a few other patterns in your relationship history. Consider the interplay between males and females in terms of what attracts them to each other in the context of mating and survival. You are taking on mates that you become the provider for, but you have your own deep struggles as well. As you become comfortable in a relationship you begin to expose a deeper, more human and sensitive side of yourself. The female sees this newly perceived vulnerability and your potential as a provider begins to wane in her estimation. Her instincts tell her to make any excuse to move on to find a new worthy provider. The male is left confused as to why at his most vulnerable point, the person he depends on for emotional support becomes cold and distant. You would be there for her when she was down, so how could she do this? What happened is the established relationship of provider and provided-for lost its equilibrium. This situation could happen in any relationship where one person is the provider, but is most common in western culture with females since there is a strong cultural precedent for the males taking care of the females, even though females have won their independence and autonomy. This effect does come across as very cruel and cold but it is understandable and logical in terms of survival of the species.

Yet humans are of a developmental level beyond the other forms of life we share the earth with and have the capacity to strive to rise above our most base natural instincts. The best way to avoid falling off a pedestal, whatever that pedestal be based on, is to never allow yourself to be on one in the first place. So, not involving yourself with people who want to be provided for and cared for, and restricting your own natural inclination to be in that position. If you find someone you can be fully at equals with, who has nothing to consider themselves dependent on you for, you can have a relationship of mutual support and respect that won't fall apart when the true fullness of who you are is exposed.

-Just some late night thoughts from another looney on the net!

reply to post by Death_Kron

All you need to know is that females are amoral beasts. Without a strong man to lead them they fall back on their instincts. It seems you may have stumbled briefly. ( I can tell you right off one of your mistakes was asking, "What's wrong?") Love, friendship, decency, fairness mean nothing when their man is failing them; all they care about is sniffing out the next best situation. Their duplicity will involve feigning love and even repeatedly providing sexual sustenance to keep stringing you along, until they have secured their next provider. Then they can turn off their 'love' like a faucet, and become the cruel she-demon who lacks any respect for you that was always there under the surface, waiting for you to show any weakness. I've been there. I sympathize.

hi m8

i know what your going through
my ex cheated after 7 yrs
i had to do detective work to find out
i cant cut all ties with her because of our daughter
but all i can say is
your still young and thank god it ended sooner
imagine 10 yrs down the line and 2 kids later
you would feel very bitter
but any way bro hope you get over it quickly
and hope u meet someone that apreciates you
regards
dave

not to sound like a pig but,back in my young single/dating/early relationship days i tried to follow one simple rule "best way to get over someone is to get under someone else" grab a few buddies and head to the bar try to have a good time and see what happens,if you meet a girl ,awsome if not go out the next night.it seems to me when you stop looking the right one finds you.thats the way it went for me 3yr ordeal did everything for the girl she left,1yr headache did everything i could,she left stopped looking just went out to have fun with the guys like back in the old days and met the right one,15 yrs later and things couldnt be better.there is hope,chin up go out and have a blast life is too short .

Originally posted by Death_Kron
Hello,
..., a time where I was already struggling with other serious problems, in all fairness the timing couldn't have been worse for me.

...the other issues I was dealing with ...
...I was already aware of problems in our relationship...

...his isn't the first time I've been treated in this manner and I unfortunately don't think it will be the last.
...I've had issues in the past that I will happily agree would in all fairness make me a difficult person to live with.

...I simply gave up.
... and I had basically had enough, ...

...she did in fact love me, no matter what.

Now repeat the above probably 6 or 7 times, ...they were unrelated to her but caused me significant pain and worry...

... I explained that I couldn't deal with her behaviour considering what I'd been through ...

My simple question is why if she was so unhappy did she let the cycle continue for as long as it did? Why didn't she just make her thoughts/opinions known when I first pursued the issue?

See a pattern????

She probably did love you.

But her patience wore thin.

re-read what's left from the snips of your post.

perhaps deal with yourself, get in the happy place with your problems solved, and then look for a relationship.
or, you could just bury your problems again, dust them off when you need an excuse, and go to the pub again.


I was married 21 yrs. i am just trying to get you to look at things differently.

As the old Toyota ads said. "prease consider"

hang in there.

reply to post by CitizenNum287119327


I see where your coming from with that but just to clarify, when I said it would be repeated 6 or 7 times I mean that she would default to being the lazy, immature, selfish, moody, ignorant cow not me.

However, I take your the point but there might of been some parts of my behaviour she wasn't happy with, but that's my whole point, why didn't she communicate and we could of sorted them out?

Originally posted by Death_Kron
reply to post by CitizenNum287119327

 

I see where your coming from with that but just to clarify, when I said it would be repeated 6 or 7 times I mean that she would default to being the lazy, immature, selfish, moody, ignorant cow not me.

However, I take your the point but there might of been some parts of my behaviour she wasn't happy with, but that's my whole point, why didn't she communicate and we could of sorted them out?

I have had the 'it's sweet while the money flows' experience.
when i left i tossed her the engagement ring receipt so she'd get more returning it than pawning it.

I like a songs chorus that is good advice, (and works both ways).

Friendly - "I love you but ...":
... IIIII love you,
but if you treat me like sh_t
you can just f off

warning: has 2 naughty words.... (but worth it)

Originally posted by Death_Kron
To cut a long story short, I've had issues in the past that I will happily agree would in all fairness make me a difficult person to live with. However, I have always provided for the girl, always had her best interests at heart and have asked the question a thousand times, "What's wrong?"


Being hit with the inevitable "Nothing" and struggling in vain to think of another method around her stubbornness, I simply gave up. There's only so much someone can take and I had basically had enough, although this is where the story becomes interesting.

If you're that difficult to live with you shouldn't need to ask what's wrong. You should already know. She'll be saying "nothing" 'cos she's probably fed up telling you the same answers over and over. "A thousand times" you said.

Originally posted by Death_Kron

Then in the days following she was her usual moody self and I explained that I couldn't deal with her behaviour considering what I'd been through and that I was going to the pub, once at the boozer I receive a phone call from the good lady telling me we need to talk.

She's probably fed up with what you've been through, (whatever that is). Maybe you're using that as an excuse for your bad behaviour? Living in denial is mostly a man thing. DAMNED TWISTED MEN!!

Originally posted by Death_Kron

Cut a longer story short, this is where she quite candidly informs me that we aren't getting on and although she still cares doesn't want to be with me any longer.

Probably true. Were you getting on?

Originally posted by Death_Kron
My simple question is why if she was so unhappy did she let the cycle continue for as long as it did? Why didn't she just make her thoughts/opinions known when I first pursued the issue?

In my opinion it's because she knew she was better off her with me than simply going back and living with her parents, DAMN TWISTED FEMALES

]

That's called perseverance. Most women have that in abundance. They stick around, sometimes for years, hoping things will get better. They hope the promises and assurances they get (did you promise things?) are real. She probably did think living with you was better than being with her parents. In the end she decided living with them was better than living with you.



Of course I might be totally wrong. You sound like a good guy and she sounds like a right bitch. Punch some pillows and move on.

reply to post by Death_Kron


My advice to you is to come to grips with your issues and not try
getting "involved" until you do.You have to take care of yourself
before you can take care of another.

Aw sweetheart, I hope you're okay. I'm here whenever you need me.

Sorry to say, but if she did it 6-7 times and went back to her routine...she wasn't trying to make the relationship work, sounds like you were and therefore she's not worth it.

If she's left you at this point...just proves what an absolute ****** she is. She wasn't being sympathetic, she was greedy trying to make the most out of living with you. Some people like that will never change. You're a great guy bubz, don't let a stupid, idiotic person like this change you