Twisted Females

Wow this thread has been more interesting then I thought it would. But pleas people cant we just get along.

By the way what happened to Wyn Hawks, she literally got banned as I was typing stuff? Why and what for? She did have a good point about dogs since there cool and loyal. And I wanted to see what her take was on this whole thing, she seemed like she was going to say something interesting. Possibly about how unlike dogs females have there own minds and behaviors, and should be treated differently.

Oh well, I got a felling that like all other members who get banned, she will resurrect under a new name and logo.

reply to post by galadofwarthethird


how was she banned??? I still see her posts??

CJ

reply to post by galadofwarthethird

Which is kind of funny because what are the chances that she in all probability whined to him about how he does not communicate his feelings with her like all females do, but when it comes time for her to do the same...nada...Well it just shows that saying, something and doing something, are two different things. You cant talk the talk, but not walk the walk, without there being discrepancies and being a hypocrite.

I think the problem between the op and his Gf goes far beyond the realms of not speaking your mind with your mate.

He himself..never mentioned exactly what the issue he was working on was about...so it seems to me..much of what the real issues could have been about are being kept from us.

I've seen this happen in the "real" world so often.... some spouse whining about how their ex's never talked to them..or let them know how they were feeling....and they have no idea why their significant other decided to up and leave.

Yet they neglect to say..they were online most of their spare time chatting it up with members of a board..flirting with others....and really not being fully available for their significant other.

Death Kon posted once (not so long ago) about how this could be his last post here..all due to his own fault?? It struck me as curious at the time.. but now I think it may be related to all this...??

I'm not saying this is the case...just an intuition..which could be wrong..

One thing I do believe for certain..there is a lot more to this story than what the op has not been upfront about... and I find it sad that he would start a thread about twisted females..when in fact it could well be the twisted male version of reality in this scenario..

Quite frankly .. I'd say the same thing to a female..who came on here..saying her ex was twisted.... and yes she had some problems (that she never divulged) but she was TRYING to work on them..and yadayada.. he said he understood...and isn't he just a twisted shmuck..cause he left her....because after 5 years she was still working on the same damn problems.... which had made it very hard to have a real, loving , trusting relationship.

reply to post by gabby2011


You could be right.

Assumptions, assumptions, to many assumptions, really were all just assuming.

Usually concerning such things there is no one that was not guilty of something. And so we assume and impress our quilts and faults on others.

But what does it matter because at the end, it ended. So it is what it i, s and its time to move on, dragging assumptions around and quilts and faults is fun, but it does get old.

By the way there is usually more then two or three sides to any story, there are at least over 10 sides to every story, and some go into the thousands and thousands of different sides and perspectives. It all depends on what story your telling and how complicated it is and how many people listen to it.

reply to post by galadofwarthethird

By the way there is usually more then two or three sides to any story, there are at least over 10 sides to every story, and some go into the thousands and thousands of different sides and perspectives. It all depends on what story your telling and how complicated it is and how many people listen to it

yes..perception is all in the eye of the individual ..and there can be a multitude of perceptions..depending on various factors.

All kinds of craziness going on here. I've gotta say I agree with a lot of what gabby is saying. I think we all need to learn to take a look at ourselves more closely. I myself have ruined a couple of relationships, not through anything malicious. Just by being negligent or stubborn. That is something that I had to admit to myself to ever move on from those times.

I've noticed especially in those of us at or approaching middle age the tendency to sink into the sea of bitterness after break-ups. Who doesn't get a little bitter right? I'm talking these people wallow in it. Before this gets taken the wrong way (which it will inevitably will be) I am talking about people I personally know not anyone on this board.

I personally refuse to believe that every wronged person on the planet has come to this board but from looking at it you would think this was the case. In short lets take ourselves less seriously. For the more seasoned among us for cripessake stop spreading your bitterness around to the youngin's. Maybe you did have the worst experience possible However spreading that around isn't helping anyone least of all kids on the net looking for some relief after a heartbreak.

Conversely youngin's don't listen to anyone on the internet about relationships. Especially if they have nothing positive to say, that is not a good sign.

For a little hope I am a shy chubby dork who is in a relationship with a great girl. If I can do it anyone can.

reply to post by Death_Kron


Hello all,

Firstly thank you everyone for your kind words of support, you insight and pieces of advice. I've had a lot of time to reflect recently on my relationship (or lack of it) and will agree that because I was struggling with other aspects of my life then I probably wasn't the best guy a boyfriend should have been.

I think a combination of both my personal issues and her issues simply came to a point where she felt we couldn't go on any longer, the break up has been on the cards for a couple of months now looking back at it.

It's a shame really but like many of you have mentioned I need to move on, all I'd say as a piece of advice is if your gut feeling in a relationship is that things aren't really working then finish it there and then, I could of saved myself a lot of heart ache if I'd done that a few months back.

Just for clarification this isn't a women bashing thread, I'm not saying I'm anywhere near perfect and I'm also not saying there weren't aspects of my behaviour that I could of looked at/changed.

My simple gripe is that the ex wouldn't sit down and tell me her feelings, explain to me what she wasn't happy with, if she did that then possibly we could have salavged the relationship, that's what most heart breaking for me.

But hey ho, thanks again guys, I'm still here and I'll live for another day

reply to post by FEDec

I personally refuse to believe that every wronged person on the planet has come to this board but from looking at it you would think this was the case.

24 people including the OP have posted on this thread.

14 of those posted "get over it" comments

7, including the OP, gave a "wronged" story.

3 made impartial comments.

I guess between you and Gabby seven people constitutes every wronged person on the planet. Interesting way to look at it.

CJ

This thread reminds me of high school! Well, I was home-schooled. But I had friends. And we bickered like old men and women!

That wasn't so long ago for me but I'd like it to be forever-ago, so...LOVE EACH OTHER PLEASE... cause I love all of yooooo....

reply to post by Partygirl

That wasn't so long ago for me but I'd like it to be forever-ago, so...LOVE EACH OTHER PLEASE... cause I love all of yooooo...

What a nice sentiment...and it reminds me of why I stick up for the women who get accused of so many things,and are called twisted females, when they can't defend themselves.

Love is hearing and understanding both sides to the 'relationship gone bad " story.

If that is immature, and so "high school of us" , hopefully when someone is trashing you on the net, and calling you a twisted female.. you will appreciate the one who didn't jump in with all the rest of the bashers..and instead wished to hear your version of what happened.

I find it very selfish and self serving of you to even come on here and start spouting off like you're some mature guru of love...when in fact you probably don't even realize that love does fight for what is FAIR.

reply to post by gabby2011


Oh my...no offence meant...

I will beat a hasty retreat and leave you mature people to it, then.

Originally posted by Partygirl
reply to post by gabby2011

 

Oh my...no offence meant...

I will beat a hasty retreat and leave you mature people to it, then.

really now..no offence meant?

So the following statement was meant with all that good love you have for your fellow human beings..?

This thread reminds me of high school! Well, I was home-schooled. But I had friends. And we bickered like old men and women!

get off your self righteous high horse....please...and quit pontificating about how loving you are..when its clear to see.. you're just another human with faults like the rest of us..K?

reply to post by gabby2011


Why are you always looking for an argument? She was not insulting anyone. You should see someone to find out why you take every little thing as a personal assault. She was making a GENERAL statement, and I didn't see your name anywhere in it. You are not the center of the universe. Now....I will leave this thread as well before it gets any uglier. BTW I don't need your protection as I speak for myself.

Best wishes op...I hope things look up for you and your ex.

Originally posted by StealthyKat
reply to post by gabby2011

 

Why are you always looking for an argument? She was not insulting anyone. You should see someone to find out why you take every little thing as a personal assault. She was making a GENERAL statement, and I didn't see your name anywhere in it. You are not the center of the universe. Now....I will leave this thread as well before it gets any uglier. BTW I don't need your protection as I speak for myself.

Best wishes op...I hope things look up for you and your ex.

umm..yes ..she was insulting...in her making of that general statement.... and quite self righteous to boot.

I fully realize I am not the center of the universe... nor do I care to be..

I am not trying to protect you stealthy cat..and I know you can speak for yourself... but the women being maligned in this thread..could not share their side of the story...

Funny how you jumped right in there ..putting them down..without knowing the truth.

Then of course you had to add how you just couldn't understand how women could be like that..and you are sooo different..and you poor men out there..hang in there... cause there are good women like me..all in a very self serving way..

I think you need to see a doctor.. .. for your delusional self serving outlook on the "one sided" stories some men throw around.

reply to post by gabby2011


I say what I feel....and that's how I feel. I DON'T understand that kind of behavior. I am not self serving at all (that's really funny, because I spend most of my life "serving others" as a 911 dispatcher, and when I come home at night I am the caregiver for an 83 elderly relative) I am not like that at all. Anyone who knows me will tell you that. I was not referring SPECIFICALLY to his girlfriend,. I was referring to people who hurt others in general. I also mentioned that I couldn't say if she was right or wrong, because I don't know her. The OP posted about something very important to him, and I simply responded.His use of the word "twisted" may not have been ideal, but that's how he felt at the time. He posted later, admitting he was in the wrong as well....I don't jump on "bandwagons" LOL. I don't know who was right and who was wrong....all I heard WAS his side, and so that's what I responded to...I cannot say anything about her because I don't know her side...so like I said I was speaking of insensitive people in general. I still don't see anything offensive in that post, she was joking around. I don't think she deserved getting "reprimanded" by you, that's all. OK...end of convo. No hard feelings, I'm gone.

ETA....after going back to read it again, I noticed you called partygirl "selfish" "self serving" too I guess we are all a bunch of self serving selfish people *sigh* I'm outta here. This is ridiculous.

reply to post by StealthyKat


You're correct..this is ridiculous..

But I too say what I feel..

You saw nothing condescending in partygirl's post..and I saw very condescending remarks. .. considering voicing our opinions and how we feel..was so high school..and she was so above that...yet she chided right in their with her own negative views..and had the audacity to say..I love yooo all ..after admonishing us like she was the mature one.

what a load of hypocritical hogwash.

I too am done here...

Originally posted by ColoradoJens
reply to post by FEDec

 

I personally refuse to believe that every wronged person on the planet has come to this board but from looking at it you would think this was the case.

24 people including the OP have posted on this thread.

14 of those posted "get over it" comments

7, including the OP, gave a "wronged" story.

3 made impartial comments.

I guess between you and Gabby seven people constitutes every wronged person on the planet. Interesting way to look at it.

CJ

edit on 13-9-2011 by ColoradoJens because: (no reason given)

Well:
A) I was talking about the board in general not just this thread. Hence why I said board and not thread
and
B) Obviously that statement was hyperbole. I used it to underline the fact that not only was it impossible that everyone who presents a sob story did nothing wrong but also highly unlikely.

In a strange way you've actually helped me make my point.

reply to post by Death_Kron


Speaking as someone who is absolute rubbish at relationships, I might be able to give you some insight into the 'What's wrong?' / 'Nothing" scenario.

If something's bugging me, I tend to think about it quite a bit, trying to work out a way to broach the subject. This makes me very quiet which, of course, gets noticed.

I then get the inevitable question "What's wrong?". Well, it's hard to answer if I'm not ready yet. And sometimes the question can be asked in such a way that it sounds hostile or as if the other person doesn't really want the answer. I'm a sensitive person to start with, and being tackled like that when Im worrying over something makes me even more sensitive. So, I answer "Nothing", hoping to brush it off until I feel ready to talk. Or until the other person is less fed up with me and more likely to listen.

What I wrestle with is the following:

Will I be perceived as petty minded if I complain about something? Can I learn to live with it?

If I complain, will the other person be understanding and change their attitude / behaviour?

If they don't change then I can't make any more excuses for them. I can't think that perhaps they're being inconsiderate because they haven't realised what they're doing because, after all, I've just told them.

If the bad behaviour persists after I've explained what's upsetting me then I have to tackle it again. Broaching the subject for a second time will be even harder than saying anything the first time.

If a couple of careful, tactful conversations don't get a result I might have to resort to yelling a bit. That means getting angry first, but I've got a very long fuse. By the time I start yelling, you can expect World War 3.

I'm very, very articulate when I'm cross enough. I never say anything I can retract later because I always tell the truth. If someone stays with me after I've let them have both barrels I have to wonder if they have an ulterior motive for being with me in the first place.

While I'm thinking all this through I can't imagine the relationship will survive a confrontation, so saying "Nothing" in answer to the question just seems the easiest way to deal with it.

Left to my own devices, I can usually decide it's not important or find a quiet moment to bring it up. Sometimes I'll see the funny side and find that a "Oi you - watch it" (or something of the sort) will do the trick.

It's sad that your girlfriend couldn't find the quiet moment to talk, perhaps she felt that you were so stressed with other problems that she couldn't see how you could find the time or energy to work on the relationship. I don't know the nature of the problems, but she may have felt it was beyond her to help you?

I hope life starts to improve for you. I don't know if anyone else guilty of saying "Nothing" would offer you the same explanation that I did, but that's how my feverish little mind works

reply to post by gabby2011

This thread reminds me of high school! Well, I was home-schooled. But I had friends. And we bickered like old men and women!

get off your self righteous high horse....please...and quit pontificating about how loving you are..when its clear to see.. you're just another human with faults like the rest of us..K?

Partygirl was just trying to help in her own way, I liked the vid. It was cute, and it made about as good a point as anything that was said in this whole thread. I am pretty sure she is the first of two people on this whole thread that does not have any personal experience with such a thing. But what! does that mean she does not get to have an opinion on it? I think not.

And your right seeing and knowing about something is totally different then being in the actual moment, time and place and going trough it. So opinions on who is twisted and why are like assholes, everybody has them. However the second who is clueless in some ways about this whole thing is me because I am just weird.

However gabby2011 like you said its all perspectives, and some times some people are at the wrong place, at the wrong time, in all the wrong circumstances. That is what really makes anybody else "twisted" in somebodies else's eyes. But believe it or not there are actual people who set out with the goal and plan in mind to do some harm to others just because. But even they are just puppets of there circumstances and demons.

But if you really want to blast somebody about insinuating and causing much havoc about females on this site even this thread then I think I would fit that bill. Oh yes I have caused some troubles here and there on all kinds of different threads, but fear not gabby2011 its all just words. And they don't mean anything unless they mean anything to the person reading it. And sometimes its good to exercise issues in such wayward ways.

And I happen to like these type of threads you always find what people are like in them and get to the heart of some questions that I have in my head. That for some reason I cant figure them out. So its been an enlightening conversations going on in this thread. And gabby2011 I have decided that your pretty darn cool and I think you made some good points, for whatever that is worth.... But I know its worth 0.

reply to post by berenike


Dude "nothing" is the answer to all the questions i get asked about pretty much everything and not only feelings and stuff. In fact if it were not for family members always bothering me with questions and just daily life job people you meet and all that. I would probably say about 2 words in a whole month.

What I wrestle with is the following: Will I be perceived as petty minded if I complain about something?

Can I learn to live with it? If I complain, will the other person be understanding and change their attitude / behaviour?

What I think is sometimes over-thinking stuff will tangle you up, I know because sometimes my mind just goes in overdrive and i cant stop the over-thinking or thinking till it literally burns all my energy and I stay awake for days.

Sometimes you just got to not think about anything and just say the first or second thing that comes to your mind. And to hell with what people think.

A good skill to learn is to put the pause button on all the voices in your head. You will be surprised how much more easier and clearer things become when you hit that button, silence really is golden. A good thing to practice in learning that is the zen philosophy of "no mind", and the martial arts philosophies.

Mushin