Need help forgetting an ex

reply to post by Unvarnished


I would find someone new and have fun. Though I know its hard at the time but a distraction always helps to forget. A healthy distraction is best, just a word of advice...

reply to post by scafling


I authored the thread about 5 days ago, but its been several months since the break up, things are going better, I noticed that if I keep myself distracted its great, but I do think about her sometimes whenever my mind is not occupied with anything, although I do allow myself to feel what I feel. The body works in a weird way, and everyone who gave me advice is right, time does heal all wounds. I haven't talked to her since the day we broke up and I'm not planning too, I feel like she doesn't deserve my attention any more. She is only a human being like the other 7 billion of us on this planet. I have just been focusing on myself lately. I noticed I'm a little too nice to girls so now I'm just living life single and trying to learn more about approaching women with confidence and its actually working. I joined a gym and working out makes me forget about everything. The way I'm looking at it is, a year from now, is it really going to matter?

reply to post by scafling


Remember that it is only natural for the body to feel that way after a break up. Don't beat yourself up over it, we're all human, that's the way our physiology works. To hide your feelings is the worst thing because it will come back later to bite you if you try to play it off. Take it day by day, remember the good times, but ALSO remember the bad times and see why you broke up. Look at it this way, if its meant to happen it will happen on its own, do not go looking for love, and I will repeat the advice other members gave me, let it find you. Do not let the mind idealize the person although it is natural. Do not jump into the dating game either when you know you a ready because it will be unfair to the next person that comes along. I realized that a lot of people nowadays are very afraid of being alone but its the best time to learn more about yourself. I haven't talked to her for about 7 months and now I'm glad I haven't. She contacted me last and I didn't even reply to her.

As the old saying goes, "if you can't save your relationship, at least save your dignity." I forgot who said it, but it is said that pain is inevitable but suffering is optional. You will get over it, it will just take a lot of time, so do not be so hard on yourself. Best of luck to you, it really does feel like a hurricane has blown the house down. Just remember, take it day by day and you'll be surprised where life takes you. One thing is for sure, you should definitely join a gym if you have the time. My ex girlfriend had a crazy body and worked out a lot, but now that I am going to the gym, I know that a year from she's gonna feel like crap for leaving me. So focus on yourself, that is what I'm doing and its working. Just do NOT get involved with a rebound relationship because it will backfire. Just hang in there and do not fall into depression, recognize your feelings, allow yourself to feel the pain, embrace it, and be glad that it happened because it will take time for your heart to heal.

There is nothing you can do to forget. I have seen it. For me not to be broken today I will go directly inside and not peep out. The hard thing for me is that beautiful girls are a threat to me. I know they can trample on me a lot easier than showing me any kind of love. I know they only have an intention of acknowledging my existence if I have the strong enough mind to play a game, which is put on a smile and conversate (if you are not already in a good mood). Thats why today when I notice that there is nothing for me to do in order to forget, I am going to stay inside and use any excess energy through physical improvement.

reply to post by greyer


Yeah definitely, its great just working on myself and not even jumping into another relationship. I need time to become emotionally stable again before I get another girlfriend.

reply to post by Unvarnished


I personally don't think Emotionally Stable exists, the only thing that exists is Showing that you are emotionally stable as some of the most deepest emotions are felt by those who hide them the best, because a person who has understanding will eventually develop more emotions. Those who do not understand will not be emotionally stable but will remain in the state of apathy. Love from a relationship is the best thing in the world, a place where man is known to not have developed emotions.

The biggest thing I can do to work on myself is hide my emotions. When I am a reflection in the world, me, my emotions, and thoughts do not matter. We are performers. Everyone that sees me should always see a smile because they are looking at a reflection of themselves (spiritually). Girlfriend or anybody, we are stable for them even if we are unstable for us, as you said the controlling of thoughts which produce emotions can help with the core emotional experience since the relationship is there to complete our emotional soul, which is actually like a super-charge bathed in positivity.

(This post has nothing to do with negative emotions like anger, those kind of emotions do not apply because it is essential they are stable and controlled all the time - nothing positive can come from them.)

reply to post by greyer


Thanks for the insight greyer, your post was a real thought provoker, things are getting a little better day by day but its just crazy how the mind works and idealizes the ex girlfriend and thinks that she was perfect. Like I continuously think about how good of a girl she was, I guess there is just something I am not seeing. Do you think its maybe because I might still have anger towards her and I haven't forgiven her for her mistakes? I am just in a mixed state of emotions of what to think because half of me is telling me she was the perfect girl whereas the other half is telling me if she was the perfect girl she would have never left. It's just a crazy spot to be in my friend. I hope time really works her wonders, but I know I shouldn't put a time span to it.

reply to post by Unvarnished

Ahhh, anyone out there can give me advice on how to forget my ex girlfriend?

That's simple, get a new girlfriend and you will forget about her in no time flat. There are plenty of other girls out there who are way better then your ex, because she was only as good as you made her out to be. Basically its only in your head.

And second just find something to do and like mattrat said on page 1 video-games/computer games or just anything that takes lots of concentration, such as a hobby, or even school, or whatever interests you. Trust me you will forget her soon enough, # once next month hits there a few games that are coming up which will cause me to not see the sun for a long while, I probably wont even be leaving my room. Other then for necessities, and for work, and the gym since I cant sit still for to long without doing something physical without going crazy.

But ya get a hobby get a new girlfriend and trust me bro you will forget your ex in a heartbeat, the pain you feel is only temporary. And mostly caused by you.

reply to post by galadofwarthethird


Thanks galad I really needed to hear that, I think its mostly me that's idealizing her, I need to let it go once and for good. It was excellent that you said that I'm only making her seem perfect because that is what my mind is doing. I fail to realize that she's just a human being like millions of other girls out there. Thanks a lot again my friend. Speaking about video games I can't wait to Diablo 3 to come out, I'll be in hibernation because of that game lol

reply to post by Unvarnished
Sorry Unvarnished, but there's no magic formula. I know it sux but the truth is that it takes time, patience, keeping yourself busy with other activities, hanging out with your family and friends as frequently as possible and having faith that the day will come when the thought of him/her gradually reduces to a mellow kind of ache. DO NOT look at pictures, listen to music or do anything else that specifically reminds you of him/her because that's just torturing yourself. Believe me - been there, done that! Then, usually when you least expect it, you meet someone new who makes you feel all happy and calm again. Hang in there and have faith that the right one will come along!

Timidgal

reply to post by timidgal


Thanks a lot timidgal, yeah I've just been focusing on myself and school, ATS is great also because it gets my mind off of everything, I really appreciate the advice!

Thanks for responding Unvarnished... and everyone elses' advice is great too. I try to take it day by day but it's so hard. You're lucky to be overseas. I'm always worried I will run into him and have been avoiding our mutual friends because it's so painful. I also got fired the same month we broke up so I'm having all sorts of problems right now

reply to post by scafling


Ah don't worry about it, even with the mutual friends, its going to be hard but you will have to disconnect from them too for the time being, that is one of the reasons I deactivated my facebook. I know it hurts like hell, I'm going through it too, but just know that there will always be a light at the end of the tunnel. I'm a medical student so if you need anything just pm me I'll be glad to help, its the best for you to work on yourself right now, I mean, you wouldn't want your ex to see you in this mess right? You just have to take it day by day, and ignore other people if you have to, especially mutual friends. Right now you need to be selfish and let yourself heal.

It's just so tough. I deactivated my facebook page too....too painful. I've lost the majority of my social circle. I've made a few new friends, which is good, but I still feel super isolated and lonely. It is a comfort to know that I'm not alone in this though. You came here for advice and ended up giving it to me! haha. Thank you. And no, I don't want him to see me in this mess at all but it's so hard to put up a front. I have to see him at a friend's wedding in one week. I'm already flipping out about it.

reply to post by scafling


Do not worry my friend, it will be painful, but sometimes you need to go through this pain in order to see who you really are. Did you examine all aspects of the relationship? I mean I can tell you that my mind is idealizing my ex girlfriend but now all I see is a human being that I once shared happy memories with. That's it. The way I'm approaching the situation is, a year from now, will it even matter? It definitely won't and I'm pretty sure for you it will not either. Remember, ex's are ex's for a reason. I haven't jumped into a relationship and its been about 7 months since I talked to my ex, she contacted me last and I didn't even contact her since the day she dumped me via an email. I feel like she doesn't even deserve a response from me. The worst thing you can do is bottle up your feelings, recognize them and allow yourself to feel what you feel, cry if you have to, it helps. We're humans, this is how our bodies deal with it physiologically.

reply to post by scafling


I only keep in contact with my close friends and family that's it, people come and go. Just know that a 100 years from now both parties will likely end up being in the grave and that's it. It's sad but true, wish your ex the best of health, that's the best you can do, and make sure you have time for yourself to recover.

reply to post by Unvarnished


You shouldn't try to forget, you should try to remember. In years to come all you will have are your memories. I promise you that one day, you will want to remember more than you will be able to. I know that right now you may be hurting but that's part of life. Eventually you will even cherish the memories of the pain you are feeling now. That pain will subside and go away completely then it will be replaced with the pain from another ex. Hold on to every memory you can, no matter the circumstance, you'll be glad you did.


Strict...

reply to post by Unvarnished




Sorry, but that's really the best I can do, time does the rest.

reply to post by HauntWok


It's one hell of a song man, thanks a lot =D

Play video games (the more complicated the better, my choice is usually Starcraft 1 or 2)
Read books that make you think and keep your mind working on figuring what its trying to say (ex. philosophy, science, etc).

The most important thing is, don't speak about it. I read that somewhere, that the more you talk about it the more it starts occupying your mind and thus constantly reminding you of here. Ultimately, time is the best healer of all. Believe me, you are gonna forget all about her as soon as the next girl comes into your life. I'm already looking forward to start dating after breaking up with my boyfriend. Time to move on. You only live life once, make the most of it.