Drunken Bernanke Reveals Truth in NE Bar

Well, I guess we now know that the economy is screwed and Bernanke's drink of choice is Miller High Life.

From the article:

Bernanke, who sources confirmed was "totally sloshed," arrived at the drinking establishment at approximately 5:30 p.m., ensconced himself upon a bar stool, and consumed several bottles of Miller High Life and a half-dozen shots of whiskey while loudly proclaiming to any patron who would listen that the economic outlook was "pretty goddamned awful if you want the God's honest truth."

"Look, they don't want anyone except for the Washington, D.C. bigwigs to know how bad # really is," said Bernanke, slurring his words as he spoke.

"And hell, as long as we're being honest, I might as well tell you that a truer estimate of the U.S. unemployment rate is actually up around 16 percent, with a 0.7 percent annual rate of economic growth if we're lucky—if we're lucky," continued Bernanke, nearly knocking a full beer over while gesturing with his hands.

"You think that's going to create long-term economic growth, let alone promote job creation?" Bernanke said. "We're way beyond that, my friend. There are no jobs, okay? There's nothing. I think that calls for another drink, don't you?"

While using beer bottles and pretzel sticks in an attempt to explain to the bartender the importance of infusing $650 billion into the bond market, the inebriated Fed chairman nearly fell off his stool and had to be held up by the patron sitting next to him.

And it gets even better:

Later in the evening, Richard Kampman, a truck driver who was laid off in 2010, said Bernanke approached him in the men's restroom and attempted to strike up a conversation about various factors contributing to the current financial crisis.

"He stumbled up to the urinal and started mumbling on about the depressed housing sector or something," said Kampman, who claimed Bernanke had to use both hands on the wall to steady himself. "Then after a while he just sort of stopped and I couldn't tell if he was laughing or crying."

"Then he puked all over the sink and the mirror," Kampman added.

Witnesses also confirmed that near the end of the evening, Bernanke put money into the jukebox and selected Dire Straits' "Money For Nothing" to play five times in a row.

Well, there we have it, folks.
Drunken Bernanke has just revealed that there is not going to be any high life for the American people any time soon.

Maybe we should demand that our politicians always be drunk so they can't lie to us anymore.

Source: www.theonion.com...
*Warning: Vulgar language

Ummm...you know the Onion site is just for jokes ? a bit like Daily Mash

ie Not real

sorry to burst your bubble


* what has ATS come too *

I knew this article was going to end up being from TheOnion before I even got to the bottom.

uuuhhhhh... you DO know what The Onion is, right? You realize that it's a satire site, correct?

I really wish this story wasnt coming from "the onion".
*sigh*

Originally posted by Afterthought
Well, I guess we now know...
Source: www.theonion.com...

You do know that The Onion is a satire website, dont you?
As in, not actually true.
Jokes.
For laughs.

As time goes on it gets harder to tell satire from the news.

Is that Comical Ali character still alive. He's needed on CNBC.

hate to bust your bubble but the onion is satire and usually very entertaining. The story is hilarious
but it's satire nonetheless

reply to post by Afterthought



Dude - The Onion is not a real news site. It's for comedy and satire. Good grief.

reply to post by Talltexxxan

I nearly believed it, maybe it's me but it looks like this

reply to post by Talltexxxan

I nearly believed it, maybe it's me but it looks like this

The Onion!!!

[atsimg]http://files.abovetopsecret.com/images/member/178709c4554c.gif[/atsimg]

Well, I guess the jokes on me because I was linked to this article from a reputable source.

Sorry, guys. Even the tabloids tell the truth every once in a while though. Maybe if I wish really hard, Bernanke will get drunk and do this.

reply to post by Afterthought


Link us the place that sent you to it, so we can have a little lulz at them

Bernanke having enough of a conscience that he needs to get trashed in some random bar over what's happening to America? Red flag dude, big time red flag.

That right there should have told you the story was fake.

Even if it didn't come from the Onion, do you really believe the head of the Fed Reserve would drink in a public bar??

Reply to post by Afterthought

No worries man, but now you have to check out more onion news, its great


Posted Via ATS Mobile: m.abovetopsecret.com

Well, I really don't think it's that far from happening. All you have to do is google search drunk senator 2011 and all sorts of stories come up. True stories.
Here's one:
blogs.seattleweekly.com...

Maybe we can just move this thread to the joke forum. It's well written and Bernanke alone is a joke.

Originally posted by Afterthought
Well, I guess the jokes on me because I was linked to this article from a reputable source.

Sorry, guys. Even the tabloids tell the truth every once in a while though. Maybe if I wish really hard, Bernanke will get drunk and do this.

I think its time you change you "reputable" source, if they are linking you too a satire, when passing it off as real. hmmmmmmmm......

Here's where I found it. Just for the record, this is the first time that I've ever found a poor source of information on this site.
4closurefraud.org...

If you scroll half way down the page, on the right hand side, you'll see their Twitter feed. I think it's the 7th or 8th feed from the top.