I want my own girly bathroom am I wrong?

I have been married going on 23 years. Youngest child is 21 all 3 children out if home. We have 2 full size bathrooms 1 being smaller. I have repeatedly asked for my own bathroom taking the smaller one as to being fair. He "said" ok to my request BUT he won't stop using my supposedly bathroom. Firstly, am I wrong for wanting pretty smell good no beard hair in sink no urine around toilet bathroom? If I'm right how do I get him to stay out if my bathroom. For the records the smaller bathroom I said I would take is on the opposite side of the house the big bathroom is in master bedroom. Thanks for any advice. Peace

Originally posted by lbndhr
I have been married going on 23 years. Youngest child is 21 all 3 children out if home. We have 1 full size bathrooms 1 being smaller. I have repeatedly asked for my own bathroom taking the smaller one as to being fair. He "said" ok to my request BUT he won't stop using my supposedly bathroom. Firstly, am I wrong for wanting pretty smell good no beard hair in sink no urine around toilet bathroom? If I'm right how do I get him to stay out if my bathroom. For the records the smaller bathroom I said I would take is on the opposite side of the house the bug bathroom is in master bedroom. Thanks for any advice. Peace

Honey you should be allowed to have your own bathroom!!

Does he have his own "man space" so to speak? If so remind him of that and let him know you want your bathroom to yourself.

Make it really girly I say!

Can you put a lock on the bathroom door that only you have the key to? Surely that's the most simple solution.

I think it's good for couples to have their own space and he should respect that you need it.

reply to post by mblahnikluver


Yes he has his own man space, he has an office, the garage and the work shed all to which are nicely insulated and heat-colling system. And yes I want it so girly men will hate the site of it. thank you

reply to post by lbndhr

Take it over. Scented soaps, pink towels, frilly stuff.
Put a magazine rack in "his" a mini fridge stocked with his favorite beer and a tv in there.
He'll never leave it.

We have 2 1/2 baths: The master (which is mine), a smaller one in the upstairs hall, which is his and 1/2 bath downstairs. He still uses mine and messes it up. I clean it, just like any other room that gets used. He cleans his and I use it. We all use the downstairs bathroom. How "yours" do you need it to be? It's a bathroom. It's not like anyone lives in there, is it?

reply to post by KatieVA


I decided to post this thread to help me decide on a keyed bathroom, and to realize if I am being reasonable or not. A small problem I have "The who I am" is what is delaying my demanding this. I was rasied old school style life. I have altered my mindset in some ways, but have much work to get through that old school mantality. Old habits are not easy to break as one becomes older, yet very achieveable

Originally posted by CoherentlyConfused
We have 2 1/2 baths: The master (which is mine), a smaller one in the upstairs hall, which is his and 1/2 bath downstairs. He still uses mine and messes it up. I clean it, just like any other room that gets used. He cleans his and I use it. We all use the downstairs bathroom. How "yours" do you need it to be? It's a bathroom. It's not like anyone lives in there, is it?

edit on 24-7-2011 by CoherentlyConfused because: (no reason given)

IF and this is a HUGH IF my husband cleaned up after himself I wouldnt need my own bathroom space. Let me give examples, I do not urinate outside the toilet, I sit down and my urine goes directly into the water. Never once have I an any woman I Know ever urinated on the floor or on the outsdie of the toilet. The beard hair, we have two sinks in the master bathroom, he will shave in his sink then brush his teeth and finish grooming in my sink and walks away without wiping anything down. The tub always has a dark brown ring around it, he takes a bath every day, I have to clean this ring every day. Know that it is summer he takes a shower once a day also, for some reason there is this dirty film forming all over the (separate) shower. My class shower doors "use" to be see through because after I shower I wipe them down he does nothing calcium and water builds up real fast. He leaves magazines and newspaper all over the bathrooms, all the for mentioned filthy habits apply to both bathrooms. I dont know, if he was helping with his mess it would be different, he is retired he dont even work anymore...

Originally posted by lbndhr
reply to post by mblahnikluver

 

Yes he has his own man space, he has an office, the garage and the work shed all to which are nicely insulated and heat-colling system. And yes I want it so girly men will hate the site of it. thank you

Awesome go for it!

I know he wouldnt like you in his garage or work shed all the time.

My ex did this to me with my closet. It was HUGE and we had two separate ones yet he still wanted to use mine because it was off of the bedroom. When we moved in he told me to take that one because it had more shelf space around the top for my shoes..However after we moved in he started using mine because he didn't want to walk to the other side of the hall which was about 20 steps away! He made it seem like it was a task and oh so far lol He had his office which I never went in and bothered with til he kept messing with my closet. I started using his computer which freaked him out! LOL It worked for me, he stopped using my closet because he got the point I was making. Maybe start hanging out in his shed that is heated.

I am a firm believer of giving back what you give to teach a lesson or to get someone to understand your point. It's amazing how they wind up seeing the point after it's done to them

Originally posted by beezzer
reply to post by lbndhr

 

Take it over. Scented soaps, pink towels, frilly stuff.
Put a magazine rack in "his" a mini fridge stocked with his favorite beer and a tv in there.
He'll never leave it.

I love it small fridge, magazine rack and we have a perfect flat screen 22 inch television, easy to bring cable into it. thanks

reply to post by CoherentlyConfused


I think there is more to this than just the bathroom issue. It sounds like the hubby smothers all other spaces and rooms. The deeper issue is he may be smothering her.

Originally posted by aero56
reply to post by CoherentlyConfused

 

I think there is more to this than just the bathroom issue. It sounds like the hubby smothers all other spaces and rooms. The deeper issue is he may be smothering her.

In truth your correct. And I am trying to attain a me space.

reply to post by lbndhr


That sounds about right. He probably doesn't even realize that he's doing it, either.
Men his age, about the same as mine, weren't actually raised to do it; but we saw what we saw, and that was our fathers and grandfathers making the decisions and ruling the roost.
That's not to say that in their mind they were only in it for themselves, far from it! Men like to spoil their wives, if possible, and I think this leads to an "I know what's best" mentality.
Obviously; in the example above, the mother's and grandmothers were involved in the decisions, but that was not nearly as obvious, as the moms/grandmoms used the old 'feminine wiles' tactic to make it 'his' decision, I think.
I also think a shower and a bath daily is a bit much for a retired person, but like everything else in my post here, it's just my opinion.

The sage experiences without abstraction,
And accomplishes without action;
(S)he accepts the ebb and flow of things,
Nurtures them, but does not own them,
And lives, but does not dwell.
----
When the Way is forgotten
Duty and justice appear;
----
When harmonious relationships dissolve
Then respect and devotion arise;
----
Do not control the people with laws,
Nor violence nor espionage,
But conquer them with inaction.
----
For:
The more morals and taboos there are,
The more cruelty afflicts people;
----
The more laws and taxes there are,
The more theft corrupts people.
----
Yet take no action, and the people nurture each other;
Make no laws, and the people deal fairly with each other;
Own no interest, and the people cooperate with each other;
Express no desire, and the people harmonize with each other.
----
Water overcomes the stone;
Without substance it requires no opening;
This is the benefit of taking no action.
----
A nation is like a hierarchy, a marketplace, and a maiden.
A maiden wins her husband by submitting to his advances;
Submission is a means of union.

So when a large country submits to a small country
It will adopt the small country;
When a small country submits to a large country
It will be adopted by the large country;
The one submits and adopts;
The other submits and is adopted.

It is in the interest of a large country to unite and gain service,
And in the interest of a small country to unite and gain patronage;
If both would serve their interests,
Both must submit.

www.taoteching.org...

Sri Oracle

Kinda got the same thing going in our house, I let her have her own bathroom, real big and real girly. However, we both agree since we still have kids in the house, (2 twin girls mind u) that i could use it in an emergency when i need to but I leave it the way I found it or better. I got this house for her and the kids so ya she is spoiled and gets a lot of free range in the house to do whatever. Can't complain too much, I got the basement, (score ) and my work shOp and my own little corner in my bedroom. So ya, u r not wrong for wanting your own bathroom, I just say let him use it if it's an emergency, and he leaves no trace of himself behind.

reply to post by gunshooter


You know it is the fact he does not clean up behind himself, if he did I would not with deep desire want my own bathroom. After 23 years f being with the same person everything is kinda oneness, but when it comes to the bathroom I just want a real real clean bathroom that i can say is girly mine.
I appreciat you understand your wife, in reality most men do, I just have an old school stubbern man.

Originally posted by Dogdish
reply to post by lbndhr

 

That sounds about right. He probably doesn't even realize that he's doing it, either.
Men his age, about the same as mine, weren't actually raised to do it; but we saw what we saw, and that was our fathers and grandfathers making the decisions and ruling the roost.
That's not to say that in their mind they were only in it for themselves, far from it! Men like to spoil their wives, if possible, and I think this leads to an "I know what's best" mentality.
Obviously; in the example above, the mother's and grandmothers were involved in the decisions, but that was not nearly as obvious, as the moms/grandmoms used the old 'feminine wiles' tactic to make it 'his' decision, I think.
I also think a shower and a bath daily is a bit much for a retired person, but like everything else in my post here, it's just my opinion.

Our relationship is an extremely odd one. We are two complete opposites. He is waistful, I am thrifty. He doesnt think past that which our lovely american government taught him, he is a viet nam net. I disagree with wars in general, I am preparing for if-WHEN the SHTF, he cant understand why I am preparing, he is the Icon of "sheeples". peace

reply to post by lbndhr


I'm sorry then in that case ya, u deserve your own, kept under lock and key just for u. I can certainly relate with the oneness thing

YES! You should have your own bathroom that he stays out of. Lucky you, I would adore that! Find an air freshener that he can't stand but you still like and use it in your bathroom, or paint it a color he hates. lol Make it to your liking but somehow he can't stand. Maybe then he will keep out and you can keep the peace.

The guy sounds like a pig, but if you need your own bathroom your issues are way bigger than just your own pee spot. Face it: Any self-respecting man is not going to sit down to pee. One wonders why you are still together. Sounds like your kids are gone, so there's no real reason to stay. The only way to avoid "beard hair" is to get your own place. If you detest being around him and don't like seeing signs of his presence, why stay? Making up your own bathroom very frilly and perfumy in an attempt to drive him away is kind of the same thing as "beard hair," isn't it?