Here are some of my favorites from Hubby:

Me: Honey, the drain is clogged and I don't know what to do. Can you please help?
Him: Sure, Honey. In a minute.
What he really just said: Bugger off woman, you have a better chance of bringing peace to the middle east than you do of having me fixing the drain.

Me: [Looks absolutely dreadful after a long day of house cleaning, errand running, and child watching].
Hubby: [Walking in the door] You look BEAUTIFUL!
What he really just said: You look like hammered hell but I need to butter you up because I invited my parents for dinner and they'll be here in 15 minutes. Hope you made enough for everyone.

Hubby: I just want to hold you.
What he really just said: And then we'll be having sex.

Hubby: I love the way you look without make-up. You don't need it.
What he really just said: But... um... you're still going to put some on, right? Please?

I don't call it cowardice. I call it 'fight avoidance.'

Originally posted by AshleyD
Everyone's posts are giving me the biggest chuckles! This is so cute.

And for anyone in this thread bashing women for beating around the bush, I guarantee you wouldn't be able to handle an assertive, direct woman who did tell you to get your lazy butt off the couch and take out the trash instead of 'It's OK. I'll get it. *Insert evil you're-in-the-doghouse-now look*'

LOL!

Maybe I'm old school but I think gender differences are something endearing.

You take it out or pi$$ off...

hahahah Three women I've shared my life with to-date and that's really accurate

Originally posted by silent thunder

Originally posted by reesie45
Why aren't women just straight up and tell it like it is instead of giving mixed signals and such?

Silly man, you are supposed to figure out exactly what she wants and give it to her automatically so she A) is spared the embarrasment of actually having to ask and B) so she gets what she wants.

Example:

Man: Where do you want to eat tonight?
Woman: Oh...anywhere is fine. You pick.
Man: OK, how about Italian?
Woman: Oh...Ok.

That last "Oh...OK" is a sign you screwed up and should have picked (French/Thai/Chinese/Mexican/whatever her heart happens to desire at the moment). If you are really adept at it you canread the subtle air pressure changes in front of her mouth before the "oh...ok" comes out, giving you time to change your clumsy suggestion.

I think "whatever you want" is more fitting.

Not all women are like you.

It sounds as though you are naturally deceitful, as many women can be.

Many men can be naturally a-holes, as well, however your synopsis does not apply to the dynamics and broad spectrum of humanity that exists.

I think you should take a closer look at these words, and see how they are portrayed in every fashion of women on television and movies. You are being subconsciously designed, and it's much easier for women to fall stray to this trap then it is for men, because we have less interest in television and silly antics.

Good luck though.

This is by far the funniest and most true thread I have ever read on ATS

mine - from personal experience

1 - no , can mean no or yes - and not even other women know which

2 yes - can mean yes or no - and not even other women know which

3 " do what ever you want " = do it and i kill you

4 " i dont care " = i care so much i will kill you

5 " dont bother " = you better do it , or i kill you

6 " please explain " = remind me why i am going to kill you

Originally posted by ignorant_ape
mine - from personal experience

1 - no , can mean no or yes - and not even other women know which

2 yes - can mean yes or no - and not even other women know which

3 " do what ever you want " = do it and i kill you

4 " i dont care " = i care so much i will kill you

5 " dont bother " = you better do it , or i kill you

6 " please explain " = remind me why i am going to kill you

I think we better start a new list for a new post! This is a good start

Originally posted by reesie45
Why aren't women just straight up and tell it like it is instead of giving mixed signals and such?

"loud sigh"

Really? = You have no say in the matter, I'm just telling you what I'm going to do.

Me: I'm getting a new puppy in August
Him: We don't need another dog honey.
Me: Really?

I have to give him credit, he told his buddy the other day that we were getting another dog!

I'd like to throw in one of my male lines:

"Are you sure?" = Please be honest, I'm trying very hard not to p*** you off.

Whatever! That word from women drives me absolute bat # crazy.

I get chills down by spine when I hear the words: "We need to talk" When you hear that, pack your bags. Women don't need to tell you that they need to talk, they will just go right into what they need to say.

He! It's true women and men don't get along and don't understand each other!

As a man it's as funny as it's infuriating...

But, now you understand why the government refuses to disclose anything about aliens... How long would it take before we would be at one other' specie's throat?

I wonder why the cavemen went to hunt? Seems to me they realized that if women were the hunters, they would complain so much about nature that it would recreate itself just to be in a calm environment!...

Just kidding ladies! I love you all so much in all forms and shape you come!

But to be fair, I read about chromosomes and it said that basically, men were degenerated women...