It's Hopeless

For the past few years i have been witnessing a continuous entropic decline in not just the economy but society as a whole, i have lost many friends,relationships and jobs. most of it is so mind boggling i cant even begin to wrap my mind around it, out of it i coined a phrase "bridges built over gasoline streams". im not going to get into the thick of it with my own personal story because its too much to type, so ill get to most recent, a few months ago i moved in with my best friend and his parents out of state away from family reluctantly but had no other option, i fear i have become un hireable in an already brutally competitive job market, ive been on interviews and turned in many applications, and yet employment seems to elude me. another thing is i was crushed a couple months ago when my girl friend dropped me with no explanation, so eventually i met another girl who im seeing occasionally,we havent made commitments other than dates and general chit chat but it feels good to have made a new friend who is supportive and willing to listen to what i have to say and takes me seriously, with that piece of info there heres my dilemma, one day my best friend was annoying the piss out of me since i got up,and i had woken up foggy and irritable anyways because the night before i drank about a 5th of vodka, nothing new but you know how the day after is,wasnt hung over feeling sick with a headache but had the rest of the usual symptoms,i repeatedly told him to stop annoying me,and when i do that he gets pissy like a 13 year old hormonal girl, im 29 hes 32 by the way,anyways im having a tough time as it is emotionally being without my son and worried about finding work because if i cant stay here i have absolutely nothing and nowhere to go,essentially nothing to lose in a matter of speaking,im 1500 miles from my son and thats what i have to live and keep pushing for,anyways, all day it went like that, then i finally confronted him in an adult manner and tried to explain to him how i felt and why he was bothering me,i was beginning to boil over when all he did was mock me the whole time like a teenager then he walked out of the room, i was texting my newly acquired lady friend on my laptop about it and she was getting off work at 9pm and asked if i wanted to go with her to the beach for a couple hours to get out for a bit,get my mind off of it and blow off some steam,i said i sure would i think i need it,anyways i went and told my friends dad that i was gonna go meet up with her for a couple hours and that i would be back and not to worry,he thought it was kind of odd but was like ok go for it since i never leave at night anyways. i didnt tell him why i was going out just that i was invited i didnt want to stress him out and tell him how his son is being a puke,not my place u know, anyways i take off and come back around 1 am,i had a key so i didnt have to wake anyone up but his mom was still up anyways,i went up stairs and went to bed. the next morning i woke up and there was a letter under my door from my friend saying he was pissed because his mom was a little worried the night before so that day i apologized to them and we came to an understanding and told them that i wouldnt be out so late anymore i just had to get out,i told them half truth why and left out that i was irritated with their son. anyways my friend has been PMS'ing so to speak since and hasnt been talking to me,its been 4 days already, the parents are well over it and ive been out with the girl since and came back at a decent hour like i promised, ive emailed him and hes just being cold and distant,i dont think hes still mad about worrying his mom it was such a minor thing,but it still reminds me of how my other friendships and relationships dissolved over trivial things, im not sure when hell come around to his senses or if he will,which puts me in a tough spot, lately i feel like ive been living in the twilight zone and im watching the whole world around me crumble and collapse,ive been best friends with this guy for 15 years,i would hate to see it end on such a trivial note,but i wouldnt be suprised these days,any explanation as to why this is happening? why everything in my life is falling apart at an alarming rate?

Is your friend single?

Sounds like he is jealous you have a girl and he doesn't, if he is single.

reply to post by AnteBellum


hes got a girl but she lives out of state

reply to post by CUJOCREEP


Sometimes it is just that simple!

Good Luck and if you ever find yourself homeless move to Maui - I'll meet you there, we'll live on the beach!

reply to post by AnteBellum


lol ive considered being a beach bum before,sitting around all day drunk and high

If it's not unusual to polish off a 5th of vodka, I'd start at that. I find when I drink excessively, now that we're getting older (I'm roughly your age) it isn't like it used to be. We don't spring back. We're more irritable. I'm not saying don't drink, but drinking clouds your mind.

You don't know why you're irritated because you're not thinking clearly, you're not connecting with yourself. Try taking a week off, and accomplishing something to be proud of each day. Shift your focus to productivity, not washing away the woes.

I love to knock 'em back too, but I learned by experimenting that it really interferes with relationships, judgement, and motivation.

Good luck friend!

Human beings have great difficulty staying the same emotionally.

We fall in love & out. We're up, then we're down and it has little to do with our situations.

It is biochemical.

The chemistry that makes us feel good or bad ebbs and wanes for possibly millions of reasons we will never make sense of. Perhaps, it's because we have to manufacture these chemicals all the time to remain in any particular state of feeling and we just get tired, who knows?

So cut yourself and your friend some slack, things are NOT hopeless.

True friendship should survive the storms if you just wait it out.

reply to post by mathematic


well i do take breaks lol,im on one right now, but the situation goes beyond the drinking,u could be sober as hell and get irritated with some of the crap this guy does,anyone would, its just the day after added to the irritation,and i know how drinking can affect judgement ive been there done that lol, imagine sitting at ur computer trying to drink coffee checking the news and messages after waking up and someones sitting behind you tossing playing cards at you over and over even after you said stop repeatedly

reply to post by CUJOCREEP


Given your current situation, being that you are now living with your friend and his parents, it might just be as simple as growing pains. Have you ever lived with this friend and his family before? If not, then maybe give a little more time.

If you have been friends for 15 years then, I would say that this might just be a bump in the road.

In regards to your past relationships that have been lost, it's hard to correlate the two with out the details of all relationships. However, It's completely understood that you really are not wanting to delve into all the messy details

reply to post by MagesticEsoteric


ive lived here before yes,and know them quite well, i wasnt perfect in other relationships no one is, but its the weirdest thing lately seeing the world in the shape its in,then looking at my own life,they seem to parallel as far as hopeless collapse, i know im going through a rough spot in my life,been going through it for some time and have had my ups and downs in the past but these days no matter how much i try it still seems to be in a steady decline with all the rejection and the way things seem to fall apart at the drop of a hat, like i said bridges built over gasoline streams, any slightest spark will burn that f---er down, but i see other people bicker over worse and they still stick together through the hard times, ive always been a black sheep though may be thats the reason lol

reply to post by CUJOCREEP


So bizarre...you remind me a bit of my younger brother and what he has experienced and continues to experience in his somewhat younger life.

It's not that he hasn't tried his hardest b/c that's not it at all ( at least the last few years anyway). He has fought and struggled and opened his heart and home even...yet, the setbacks and lost relationships continue.

He told me just the other day that he isn't giving up...he's just decided that he's going to "roll with the flow" of the world.

Despite being laid off from work, losing health insurance, incurring medical bills (w/out coverage), a month behind on rent, water cut off, no car....it really goes on and on but, I'm not trying to focus on the negative things.

I guess this is really what I wanted to say:
He has seemed a lot more upbeat and positive the last few days that I've talked to him so maybe the little booger is onto something.

Oh, almost forgot...he's also the family black sheep