Ask JaxonRoberts!

reply to post by Lysergic


Dear $50 Word User,

It's because you've seen yourself naked... I suggest getting rid of all of the full length mirrors in your house, and only getting naked in the dark... And for God's sake, keep the curtains drawn tight! We don't all need to be depressed!

Sir jaxon roberts,
Recently within the last three days i have been having a very hard time working and just trying to function due to a horrible testicular pain....Only on the left side though....not on the right....any suggestions would be great...Has this ever happend to you?????? thanks for your time...I will look forward to hearing your response

reply to post by PPGrocks


Dear Blue Balls,

You have two problems. First one is the lack of any nookie due to being so unattractive that it requires a pork chop suspended from your neck to get the dog to play with you. The second problem is that your right testicle is apparently nonfunctional, as the problem is only on your left side... You should seek medical attention immediately for both problems...

If you and your partner both die during sex, is that a murder suicide, and which one is the murderer?

reply to post by rogerstigers


Dear Peeping Tom,

It's because it was sooooo good and was taking sooooo long that we forgot to pull our ripcords because we were 'doing it' while skydiving... You really need to get a sex life of your own! This whole 'living vicariously' through me is not only getting creepy, it's borderline stalking!

lick it or flick it?

My wife just said that I am coming down with a case of some Hawaiian disease called "lakanuki" or something.. Is there a cure?

reply to post by Lysergic


Dear Booger Boy,

They now these wonderful things known as Kleenex... If you can't find any, then you can also use toilet paper or paper towels... Of course, in a pinch, wiping them under your mom's couch is also acceptable, so long as you do it in a stealth manner...

reply to post by rogerstigers


Dear Forced into Celibacy,

It is easily cured by finding a new wife... Of course this might mean that you will first need an expensive divorce, but you know why divorces are so expensive? CUZ THEY'RE WORTH IT! I suggest that you find an asian nymphomaniac, as they will be less likely to cut you off for being 'hung like a hamster'...

Dear Agony Aunt

How does one become as fabulous as Jaxon Roberts.

Dear Jaxonroberts,

Why must I be so attractive?

reply to post by zazzafrazz


Dear Green with Envy,

It takes many years of agony and conquest... Plus a few stints of wearing a dress on stage while being a 6'1" hairy legged dood... It also helps if you sleep with a few hundred strapping young lads... (protected of course!)

reply to post by SolarE-Souljah


Dear Delusional,

You really need to stop self medicating as it is interfering greatly with your grasp on reality! But don't get too down... I'd still do ya!

If a man speaks in the woods and there is no woman around to hear him is he still wrong?

reply to post by madmangunradio


Dear Brow Beaten,

Men are NEVER wrong. It is the greatest conspiracy ever know that comes into play when women make you think that you are wrong and they are right... Just nod your head and let them think that they are right knowing that it just ain't so... If you continue to feel this way, I suggest you join whatukno's "No Ma'am" support group...

TY Jax... you made me actually lol twice in this thread.

Dear Jax,

I have a real problem that I need some sound advise about. My husband likes tortilla chips and salsa. He likes it so much he eats it every night... then comes to bed with chip pieces in his chest hair. Its getting on my nerves and forcing me to spend incredible amounts of time in chat to avoid going to bed.. chips in chest hair is nauseating. I ask him over and over to get them out before he comes to bed, but he looks at me like Im stupid and says he is " saving them for later".

Jax, Im desperate.. please advise me.. youre my only hope.

Advantage

reply to post by Advantage


Dear Mrs. Sasquatch,

There are two possible solutions to your problem... First one can be stated in just four words: Curlers and Cold Cream. Yes, that classic look from 60's television will definitely send your manbearpig the message that two can indeed tango. The other solution is run down to Walgreen's and pick up a waxing kit and just remove that pesky chest hair, thus giving those chip crumbs no purchase to cling to. It will also only take once to ensure that he NEVER comes to bed with crumbs in his chest hair (once it grows back)... When it comes to that kind of pain, men are incredible pansies... Good luck with your furball...

reply to post by JaxonRoberts


Two questions:

1: What should I be when I am all growed up?


2: Was I what was expected?