Thanks....thanks a lot...stop ruining it for the rest of us!

reply to post by mblahnikluver


You said you loved 3 times before, so just move on and maybe you'll meet another.

Like you said, simple, and i would just forget as much as you can.

I keep saying, why is it you people even bother with all this. Stay alone and then your fine.

Originally posted by Silver Star

Originally posted by mblahnikluver
[People can make their assumptions as to what he did but I know what happened and we will work it out in time. He needs time, I get it

It sounds like your boyfriend has spun you a fairy story to let you down gently.

He doesn't need time, his mind is made up but out of a sense of affection toward you he's trying to make the process a little less painful.

It's important to exit the relationship with a sense of dignity. I've had the same treatment and my biggest regret was that I crawled and scraped at my ex's feet to change her mind.

Again you don't know the situation...love how people like to make assumptions when they know nothing.

You don't know what we have discussed since then. I understand him. It's our relationship and he hasn't spun any story to me.

I am also not crawling or begging him to do anything. He knows how I feel and knows what is going on as I know what is going on with him.

Its not as simple as you seem to think.

Originally posted by mblahnikluver
Again you don't know the situation...love how people like to make assumptions when they know nothing.

Thats why you cannot really get answers from a board like this. It may be good for you to write the stuff down and then read it, for like therapy, but in terms of getting answers, people are going to judge your situation from there own lifes, like we all do.

Do people not use facebook for this normally? Its mainly new for ats to have a thread like this, and your going to get alot of drunks on here too taking the piss.

You may of been better doing this on facebook, and there you may find people with similar stories, and you may get advice. But on topic, most of the advice your really going to get is callous trivial remarks, that may hurt you or rile you into responding.

Ats is not really a board that is really that open to a thread like this and someone pouring out feelings of there relationship, as most of us are here to talk about gov and conspiracy(conspiracies are real by the way).

To be frank, you would be better of watching jerry springer on this issue, than come onto ats and talk about this stuff.

My advice stay away from computer and conspiracy boards if you want relationship advice. Alot of people on these boards do not have that as a main focus in life like you may do.

Originally posted by Jess_Undefined
Unfortunately that's something he is going to have to get past. If that's really the reason he doesn't want to be with you anymore. And if he doesn't want to be with you because of what some other girl did, that's his fault, move on, you'll find someone else. Theres millions of guys in this world, and alot of good guys. I was never broken up with before, I always have to do the breaking up, and honestly it sounds like he's using an excuse, because when I didnt like someone, the first excuse I used was "Ive been hurt before, I dont want to take the chance again."

Have you talked to him since? Has he said anything different?

You are what 21? You don't really have any real experience with relationships. I could go there but I won't. Also until you have been in his shoes you won't understand. I HAVE and I DO understand. I was just like him running all the time and it's amazing how i see it so clearly. Talking with his parents validated everything I said because they said it before I even had to. So no it's not a line or an act. He is a person with a feelings and sometimes those can scare a person. What should I just walk out on my soul mate just because he is having a hard time right now? No...as much as it hurts me right now I know it doesn't compare to how he feels. This I know as fact...and it's something you or anyone else couldnt understand.


It isn't an excuse and we have talked. I don't need to tell everyone in detail what we have discussed but he is going through a lot right now and needs time to sort it out. He knows he has my support and I am not going anywhere. My life continues and we will work past all of this. It doesn't make it any easier. It is very hard to have the one you love so far away and hurting and know that there is nothing you can do but wait. It happens but I waited my whole life for him. I can wait longer.


What amazes me is how many people are so jaded that they automatically think "he jerked you over,"
"he didn't mean it," "he was lying," "he didn't want to hurt you." Why so negative? That is YOU not me or us...
Yeah nobody sees what I see and won't. Why? Because you weren't with him I was. I seem to know him pretty well. This has happened before and I was by his side. It was only worse this time because of the trip and everything else. I thought this could happen in the back of my mind and yes it sucks but he knows I am here and I will say it over and over again. I am here for him.

It's really sad people don't fight for love anymore. Maybe more people would be happy if they did and didn't give up on someone they truly loved. It's not a matter of us not having feelings or love for each other, it's a matter of admitting it to oneself and going forward and sometimes that scares a person and they need to take a step back...and I am fine with that because again I understand. I almost ran and he helped me so I will do the same for him and give him his time he needs.


People love to hate on romantic comedies and say how dumb they are yet nobody says you can't have endings like that.. How do you know if you don't try? You don't.


I guess I see things different than most and I always have esp when it comes to relationships. I am not like most and as he has told me he loves that about me and that is what scares him. I get it and nobody else really needs to. He is a wonderful man and he will see what i see in him and I will be right here waiting.





I came to vent not be told what I should feel or what he should feel. I know what he feels beacuse I feel it everyday.

Originally posted by andy1033
reply to post by mblahnikluver

 

You said you loved 3 times before, so just move on and maybe you'll meet another.

Like you said, simple, and i would just forget as much as you can.

I keep saying, why is it you people even bother with all this. Stay alone and then your fine.

edit on 1/13/2011 by andy1033 because: (no reason given)

I said 3 total and HS doesn't really count so only two times meaning this and one other time 8yrs ago or so. I mean real love not puppy love.


Forget? yeah cause that is what you should do. Forgetting just means you don't want to deal with something. I will never forget him because he hasn't gone anywhere. He is there as am I.


Stay alone? Sorry you feel that way but most don't. Seems in my experience the ones who feel they should be alone are the ones who fear love the most because they have been rejected and hurt.

I have been there but this time i found the one and Im not letting him go. He will get his time to rethink and I will be right here no matter what people say. It is between us and nobody else.

reply to post by mblahnikluver


I know exactly what you are talking about.

I'm at the finishline of dealing with the exact same situation right now.

I'm very careful with women based on past experiences. It's not that I make them jump through hoops or submit to a polygragh, but I take my time until I can get a read on what they are like when they are not trying to impress me.

Once bitten, twice shy.

I found a girl that I clicked with instantly, as time progressed my concerns faded and I was overjoyed to have found someone that didn't fall into any of the negative patterns that so many seem to.

Then she got spooked. Although she was great, the experiences SHE had been through with other guys had hurt her so badly that as we started developing a stronger and stronger bond with one another she started fearing that the rug was going to be pulled out at any time.

Even her friends agree, she has trust and abandonment issues that she should seek help for if she is ever going to have another stable long term relationship. She just cannot/could not get over the fear that she would be hurt again and as a result she pushed me away.

Having similar concerns for the same reasons, this situation did nothing positive for me either. It's taken some time, but at least I am willing to try again. People have to accept that letting another person into your life means opening yourself up in a way that you are going to be vulnerable. If you never take that chance, if you rely solely on your defences then you will NEVER find what you are looking for.

I firmly believe that no matter how many times you get hurt in relationships the pay off is worth it when you finally do find the right person. The problem is, as you have pointed out, sticking it out taking the chance. So many, male and female both, reach a point where they seem to feel that if things are not a fairytale then they aren't going to bother and move on.

There is also the fact you mentioned about comprimise. At it's most basic definition a comprimise is a situation where both lose something.

Too many seem to think that a comprimise is 'You do what I want, and I won't harass you'.

Nothing is further from the truth.

Originally posted by mblahnikluver
Stay alone? Sorry you feel that way but most don't. Seems in my experience the ones who feel they should be alone are the ones who fear love the most because they have been rejected and hurt.

Like you said above, you cannot jump to conclusions. You do know a percentage of people right are not interested in things you are, lol. Why do males become priests(most priests are good people and are celebate), and buddhist monks cut themselves off from what you perceive to be normal? People are led to believe males cannot be celebate all there lifes, and this is not true. Your just jumping to conclusions.

Its because they have not enough interest in what you think is normal, to make them want the stuff others want.

But on topic, of course its yours and his decision, and none of ours, but your asking for advice, and i do not think anyone here will give you a deep answer, or anything other than rash remarks.

If your wanting some deep answers about you and him, thats a place you and him have to goto. No one here will either care or want to write down any real advice, for all sorts of reasons.

Originally posted by mblahnikluver
People love to hate on romantic comedies and say how dumb they are yet nobody says you can't have endings like that.. How do you know if you don't try? You don't.

People cannot have relationships like that today, as people are too over stimulated. But of course it could happen

Enough said.

reply to post by Misoir


check out the big brain on Misoir! i find your analogy to be deeply insightful and incredibly well written. looking forward to future posts.

Originally posted by Reaper2137
sorry for you hurt love. It will get better.. when I went to iraq my ex took me for every thing and to this day won't let me see my son.. doesn't matter what sex you are.. there are some nasty people out there.. I truly feel sorry that you have to hurt this bad. I do hope you find love and happyness.. peace to you in these dark times.

Your ex cant keep you from seeing your son.

reply to post by CayceFan


Actually she can. I spent years in the family court system fighting for visitation with my son, and literally bankrupted myself in the process, and accomplished nothing.

And, before assumptions start to form, no drugs, no alcohol, no abuse, no abandonment, no lack of child support payment, no criminal history, no sex crime issues, no allegations of any kind... nothing. Just a woman who fought tooth and nail against enforcement of visitation.

The system sucks.

~Heff

reply to post by mblahnikluver


It sucks, as I too know, but then again, dont we all? Atleast one time or another? So here's what you do, go over to his house, asking to simply drop off some treats, when he opens the door....WHAM! Over the head with a frying pan! Then while is writhing in pain, you yell...SNAP THE *SNIP* out of it ! Then yell, DONT YOU SEE WHAT YOU HAVE IN FRONT OF YOU!, and when he attempts to speak, WHAM...Frying pan again!

It will make you feel oh so much better!

MBlah... some inspiration for the next time you see him...

Originally posted by Whereweheaded
reply to post by mblahnikluver

 

It sucks, as I too know, but then again, dont we all? Atleast one time or another? So here's what you do, go over to his house, asking to simply drop off some treats, when he opens the door....WHAM! Over the head with a frying pan! Then while is writhing in pain, you yell...SNAP THE *SNIP* out of it ! Then yell, DONT YOU SEE WHAT YOU HAVE IN FRONT OF YOU!, and when he attempts to speak, WHAM...Frying pan again!

It will make you feel oh so much better!

This just made me laugh.

If it was that easy to go to his house and smack him I would have and we wouldn't be in this situation but I think he will smack himself

He lives overseas currently, military. I just got back from Europe but I will go back to use the frying pan and I think he knows it. It's a long and expensive trip to put someone in their place but I would do it in a heart beat however I will just give him time then frying pan him

reply to post by mblahnikluver


Well im glad i made you laugh! Feels better doesn't it...to laugh anyways~

reply to post by mblahnikluver


Unfortunately, I must agree with what some posters are saying about him using you. While it may be true that he was hurt at some point (actually, I'm betting it IS true), for a guy to say that he's too hurt by the past, so he can't be with you now is frankly a little...weird. It's a little fruity. It's an excuse to let you down easy.

You need to look at this from the outside perspective. Really look at the situation and ask yourself, how would you respond to a thread like this? You see a nice woman heartbroken over this thing, how do think you would see it? What do you really expect the responses to be like? Just because no-one knows this guy personally, (except you) doesn't mean a general and most likely correct assumption can't be made.


You've brought this thread to the public and a general assessment is that you got let down easy, and it's hurting you something fierce. I'm sorry for your loss, but the reality is you need to move on from this guy.

I'm sorry. The world is a starnge place, and things that were so familiar years ago, seem so distant right in front of you.. You just have to come to an understanding that life isn't about what you think it is.. and you should just be happy..

You will get over it.. I promise!

btw, isn't he Italian? you know how Italians are.. little loose in the brain

Sometimes...if you really really love someone....you have to let them go.

I ain't sure I should say this, because I only read the first two pages.

Also, I've only had very little experience with "mates" prior to this blessing my wife and I now share.

Every relationship failed because I was insecure with "this present one" and remembering how bad it hurt that the previous one was such a cheater, I'd suspect "this one" and well- I pushed her in that direction. A terrible cycle really.

I gave up on relationships and lived in abstention, having never given an opportunity for a "one" to be "the one." How alone in the world, and quite pitiful. My current wife found me working on the roof of a relatives house. She didn't pursue me, nor did she let me get away. It's a mystery my heart can solve, but, it blows my mind how my barriers crumbled hearing her voice. We clicked like the only two crickets left upon the Earth.

"Never put sour milk back in the refrigerator." That's how I got passed failed relationships.

I can't offer you any advice because a miracle happened to me...

I hope a miracle like that happens to you.

reply to post by mblahnikluver


I responded in the other thread you had, and it was my opinion at that time, that he was not all that he seemed or you just had a habit of putting all of your emotions and self into things such as this, without really looking at it. But now thinking a little, I have changed my mind....I think you would know best, and for good or bad, it is what it is. Just remember if # does not work, it does not work, and that is the dam truth, and that thing about plenty of fish in the sea does apply. Peace out.