posted on Jan, 8 2011 @ 09:42 AM
I was born a girl, but was taught to despise everything feminine about myself.
In my early twenties I begged my gynaecologist to help me become a man.
However this darling old doctor realised the answer for me was not a sex change. He told me I had to get to know the body I had before I changed it,
and proceeded to give me a course of highly unethical lessons, teaching me the name, function and sensation of a myriad muscles I'm unlikely to ever
see. By the time he'd finished I was much happier, and appreciated the body I had.
However I've never been totally female, and don't feel the need to be. To my mind every role we play is just that, role-play, and the real you is
something much deeper.
I'm a women when it comes to babies and dressing up, I'm a man when someone needs defending, and I enjoy a good punch-up. Sexually I don't feel
straight or gay; sometimes I'm in love with a man, and sometimes I'm in love with a woman. When working I'm neither male nor female, I'm just me.
The Thai monk who ran a Buddhist monastery near Melbourne recognised this, and told the monks they were free to get massage treatments from me, (I'm
a Clinical Masseuse,) because I was not a woman, I was a doctor.
Not so long ago my misogynistic dad, soon to die of Parkinson's, told me I was the only real son he had.
Out of his seven children, I was the only girl.
He'd learnt that I was the only one who could stand up to him, and straight talk him to to his face. And this was despite him having repeatedly
knocked me unconscious as a kid when I felt a need to tell him something he didn't want to hear.
All I could do was take his appellation in the spirit in which it was intended.
Halfoldman, you are one of the special people on this forum. Just live your role(s) as best you can. Your life is your story; it's not meant to make
sense to the people around you. Remember your father is a victim of his own conditioning, and if you had been born straight you might have missed out
on a lot of lessons you've learnt, and ended up like him. Sometimes it's up to the child to teach the parent, and you never know how much he may end
up learning from you.