To be? or not to be?

Originally posted by asperetty
reply to post by CeasarKhanTheGreat

 

thats what is stopping me, but its completely certain he needs help. the problem is that help in India for his kind of problems is waaaaay out of their family budget, and if he were to go to a psych ward or any variety of rehab centers, he would never leave. its like do i just forget about it or do i ruin his life further by not allowing him to ruin his life without someone stepping in and saying otherwise.

He has to find a hobby, something he is interested in that he can direct his energies to so they don't turn negatively upon himself.

Get the kid some boxing gloves.

reply to post by asperetty


You mention their not being very open to hearing you out on the matter, have you consider putting all of this into a letter and leaving it in their mail?

If they refuse to read it or give more thoughts and attention to the matter then you've done about all that you can as far as they're concerned.

reply to post by achaiah86


On the completly oppisite note, there was a 16 yrs old that recently raped and murdered a 5 yr old recently (in our family) and he had parents that were not too nice as well. You might want to do something, its a helluva lot better than not doing anything at all, hope that this kid continues not to do anything while he needs to get help. People can give theyre opinion till the sun goes down but till we act on it, thats all this thread is, is a thread where people discuss things as such. Lets actualy use this site for what its intended purposes are and actually GET SOMETHING DONE!

Originally posted by NonKonphormist
Lots of teenagers go through feelings like this.
What most of them don't realize is that they are going through a death process. It's the death of them as a child and becoming an adult. This can bring on all sorts of negative thoughts and even thoughts of suicide, this is the result of not understanding what they are going through. They feel as if they have come to the end but don't understand that it's metaphorical.

This is well said. There is a large gap that must be traversed.

Originally posted by chrismarco
reply to post by asperetty

 

You really need to urge him to talk with his parents regarding this...you should also try and have some discussion. If you are a neighbor you have the obligation to bring this is up as an adult..if you are around his age you still need to talk to his parents or encourage the kid to talk with them and then follow up...if the kid does something horrible and nobody but you is aware that's a lot of guilt to carry around. Yeah he's going through some teenage emotions but he deffinately needs some reassurance that everything is temorary in life growing up...

i tried to get him to talk with his parents and i was even present for it because i knew he needed some support. then when the time came he wouldn't speak and just zoned out for 10 minutes and the parents were worrying the whole time because i was trying to explain but i could only say so much in that situation you know? eventually the victim has to speak up, but not even a single sentence came from him. he only said i dont know or yes or no. its an impossibility for him.

I'm not religious myself but sometimes a religious presence(pastor, etc.) can help. Could this be one of those times?

his family is strict to the Jain code, but he 'knows' religion is all crap. he knows there is a god, but he blames god for existence and at the same doesn't care enough to blame god.
i asked him once why he doesn't just kill himself, and he said because he wants to kill someone at the same time :/
ive tried the letter idea. the problem is that they cant read english, so i cant write it. he says he will write it, but never does. i tell him ill dictate, you translate on paper, but he says no. devanagari is a difficult script to learn out of the blue too.

reply to post by 12m8keall2c


You mention their not being very open to hearing you out on the matter, have you consider putting all of this into a letter and leaving it in their mail?

If they refuse to read it or give more thoughts and attention to the matter then you've done about all that you can as far as they're concerned.


I think a very well thought out letter would be a fantastic idea, it would allow you the space, and theyre privacy as an Indian family ( which to my understnading of theyre culture really appreciate no outsiders oppinion on family issues!) i just watched this on Tv last night on how a muslim family which i by the way understand is nothing like an Eastern Indian one but still hold these vaulues to be true!

(you should write it out then put it on here so we can help and let this kid know that he has PEOPLE LIKE HIM THAT HAVE GONE THROUGH THE SAME THINGS and even if some or all of us havnt it dosnt matter, what does is that he is alive and dosnt feel the need to take his life or anyone elses.

Originally posted by asperetty
his family is strict to the Jain code, but he 'knows' religion is all crap. he knows there is a god, but he blames god for existence and at the same doesn't care enough to blame god.

Not quite what I meant. You don't want to go the official route. Religious leaders have experience with this sort of thing. They may be able to give you better advice than anyone here.

reply to post by asperetty


Hmm, I am adopted and have always known I was. No biggie. He should be happy he had someone who loved him so much they put him up for adoption knowing they would not be able to provide for him as he deserved. His parents (the ones who adopted him) Choose him! They wanted him, it's not like many kids whos parents don't give a crap about them. They went through a huge process in order to have the opportunity to bring him into the family. I'd say he's lucky. At 16 he has unlimited opportunities.

reply to post by asperetty


It could be something like this:

Cotard's Syndrome

A trip to the Grand Canyon might jumpstart his emotions, but I'm no doctor.

reply to post by asperetty


You need to tell a police officer. You NEED to. It is never normal to want suicide or to kill other people. He is talking about being a terrorist! A TERRORIST! if his foster parents won't listen you need to tell the police. He needs help, the kind of help that none of us are qualified to treat unless we have a medical degree...this isn't some soul searching confused teenager. He is talking about killing other people and himself...that would be considered a mental illness.

and to the person that says... "are you people that afraid that you have to call the cops?" Damn right I am. A kid is talking about becoming a terrorist. Literally saying "I think I want to grow up to be a terrorist"...He needs help. We do not need anymore terrorists in the world or another teenager killing himself and other's because he didn't get the proper help.

Sounds abnormal, but I'd leave it alone. I wouldn't even be friends with the kid anymore. You obviously can't change his mind so why bother? You've already tried many times and been met with failure. He is a teenager, teenagers act weird, don't you remember being one? If he hasn't done anything yet he most likely won't. Sounds like he needs a girlfriend, maybe you could introduce him to a gothic chick.

reply to post by asperetty


Dear asperetty

OK this is what you do, go this moment to your local police station and make this report. Do not debate it just do it.

This person is in great need of professional help.

If you do not do this then it will be your fault if people die for their actions.

Im having flashbacks of the VA Tech massacre.

For some reason, the more this tread goes on, the more I think it's fake.
We are told a problem, we offer credible solutions.
Then more information is offered, throws the original solutions out of kilter.
More solutions are offered, more info gets trickled down.
Just seems to me that the metaphorical goal posts are just going to be moved every time anyone gets close to solving the problem.
If I'm wrong, then I am very sorry, but it all just seems a bit odd to me.

Originally posted by NonKonphormist
For some reason, the more this tread goes on, the more I think it's fake.
We are told a problem, we offer credible solutions.
Then more information is offered, throws the original solutions out of kilter.
More solutions are offered, more info gets trickled down.
Just seems to me that the metaphorical goal posts are just going to be moved every time anyone gets close to solving the problem.
If I'm wrong, then I am very sorry, but it all just seems a bit odd to me.

the problem is that i've been consistent on the solutions that involve love and friendliness, but he doesn't care enough to feel anything about it. i've tried to talk with his parents, but they believe that I corrupted him some how, because they had never spoken about these issues before, so they don't believe these issues are real and that I am just trying to get him to be bad really. i know that his thoughts are constantly focused on his own hate of himself and everyone else, but i know that this expression and this feeling of his is only the effect by which cause has to be addressed by a professional, because i apparently have no influence. another problem grows out of the fact that yes, he needs professional help, but several factors undermine the possibility. one is that they could not afford it, and the government can not help (if it ever does for these issues). another is that this is India which is a very conservative society and his parents are no exception. they would feel dishonored and shameful and embarrassed by the fact that their son needs help, rather than concerned, as I know from my experience when i addressed this problems to them. last, is that he himself believes he is crazy, or not normal, so if he were to get professional advice, he would not see it as a possible cure, but only a medal or a prize for finally reaching the higher stages of insanity, and therefore his only goal is to be as worse as possible, which is how he is acting domestically these days. so really my only option is to report to some authority myself and insist that he needs to be taken to psych ward, but if i do that, i will assuredly drive him mad because he would not be able to grasp change and would rather fall down into monotony because 'change is too hard and there's no point anyways' as he says, because he doesn't believe he could nor does he really care to. hes young and really needs help, but he won't accept help unless its forced upon him, and nothing is good when it is forced. ive broken the whole decision down to two options, that is inform the police or just let him be. i would rather go for the latter, but for a long time he has been talking about death, suicide, killing, raping, terrorism, and now from how he has been speaking about his intention to eventually become one? i feel that prevention if nothing else is the best option. its such hard decision, because either way he will ruin his life, but im not sure if its better that he blames me for ruining it or he just grows in his own darkness and someday realize he has only himself to blame?

reply to post by asperetty


Um.... if they are dishonored because he needs help... I wonder how bad they'll feel when he starts killing people and commits suicide. The authorities need to be told. You need to do something so that you are not held accountable.

I decided that i'll continue to do my best with him until i leave and before i do ill write letters to the US embassies in mumbai and new delhi, because i know that when i leave he will have no one here to listen to him anymore. so i guess it might prove to be better for everyone including himself if the government started listening to him.

Originally posted by xynephadyn
Im having flashbacks of the VA Tech massacre.

Right!? I'm wondering how many times things like that are supposed to happen before we start learning from history!?