Alrub, don't take this personally, but I think you missed the message. Read the book: "The Alchemist" that'll prime you for this thread
I have since moved out west and have been enjoying my life so much more now that I am living on my own with some roommates. We have been paintballing,
hiking/climbing up mountains and just enjoying life. Even after a night at the bar/club, I make my friends walk at least half the way home to
experience the outdoors and some parkour, which always cracks everyone up (me wiping out off a bench). As much as I am having fun, I am still loathing
aspects of my life.
The biggest thing is the slavery of work. It feels nightmarish the deja vu of waking up again and again and again to go to work. Don't get me wrong,
my work is enjoyable and easy, however its not what I want to be doing all the time. The worst aspect is the socialness of people... and I am part of
This is what I loath the most. Standing on the ctrain (light rail) in a crowd of people and being literally alone, deafened by silence. At work, most
people keep to themselves except your cone of friends.My inability to either reach out to these people or them into me makes me feel like I am in the
vortex, out of reach of humanity.
This is something I am working on but even though my confidence is improving, there is this brick wall between me and my goal. There is only one way
to break through... action.
One of my favorite experiences so far has been Occupy Calgary protest. I was able to open up and talk to complete strangers about topics that we both
felt passionately about. I went back today (first time in almost 2 weeks) and started talking to more strangers. I felt amazing afterward. I was even
shown how easy it is just to smile and say hi to people and most of them will smile back (and he mentioned, its nothing personal, just depends on who
they are). On the way home I felt glowing but I still couldn't break through the barrier.
I am moving in the right direction but I want to break out of this vortex of despair we are all living in. Riding the ctrain should be enjoyable with
the company of our neighbors, even if we only meet them for just a few minutes.
Thanks to all who have contributed to this thread, you have all made an impact on my life and I will continue pushing forward to atonement.