A Prophet, The Beginning

I arrived on this planet fugged from the start, born from the seed of an alcoholic truck driver and nurtured in the womb of an insane lady.

My fondest memories from childhood are drinking absurd amounts of free coffee at cheap hotels while the failed patriarch slumbered in drunken dismay, sleeping in the cot in the back of his truck, and frequenting pool halls late-night illuminated with the colors of sin.

Catholic School was getting in trouble for cursing and an incident when a toy knife was found on my person. Public school was a time for brawling and swearing vendettas on teachers (in a reactionary way, never have been considered a “bully”). My detentions would pile up for weeks. New rules of school etiquette were created just for me. The bad kids who everyone considered cool didn’t accept me because I was too bad. For me deviance was a way of life instead of just for the popularity. At one elementary school the Principal gave me a heartfelt goodbye before leaving to retire, we became acquainted after hundreds of incidents for fighting and bad behavior when I was sent to him. Eventually he would come to sigh at my appearance, having my mother on speed-dial, and suspend me for one, two, three days. I started a business in the playground to protect the weakling kids from the bullies for a dollar a week...

This is not to say I’m bad to the bone. This is just how I became a prophet.

Time spent with the mother was being witness to that peculiar brand of madness only the dislocated and disconnected urban experience can breed. Sometimes the burden of life weighs so heavily on a person that they just snap and remain senseless for the rest of their lives.

Also, I was physically and psychologically abused frequently as a child, walked in on an attempted rape at a hotel, and was witness to a couple guy on guy molestation attempts. I don’t remember exactly how I interpreted these things at that age, but it was all very strange indeed,

What I learned during this period is that man is a beast of little worth. We are overflowing with torrents of fear, cowardice, and unauthenticity. Most all people are born without the potential to become decent human beings, practically none try and rise above their fate. The world, or at least just the one I have experienced, is filled with putrid souls, banal hearts, and a stupid dull immorality. If it wasn’t for the law and other social measures to keep people in line I wouldn’t consent to living. But then again if these things didn’t exist I’m sure a Genghis Khan or two would be born to civilize the savages and I would gladly be one of them. That being said:

My childhood had a dose of intensity that still courses through my veins. That world was presided over by a wanton God. By the grace of something or another this might have been the Story of a Psychopath, or Makings of a Murderer. I do believe in God, but the events that follow to shape my life are due mostly to chance.


To come later, perhaps, Prelude To A Prophet – Part II

Sounds like you have lead an interesting life. Unfortunately, many people are born into similar circumstances. To what degree and what effect it has is all a matter of perspective.

I would not say that people are born being immoral, or unethical. It is a learned trait, as are most habits and personalities. People can change their way of thinking with the smallest of motivation. I believe that we are all born innocent and pure of heart. Where it goes from there is up to the "gods".....or lack thereof.

My friend,

Your story has shades of my own, and at one time, I too had the perception of Man as a beast. In fact, I am not entirely disinclined to this day to refer to Man as THE Beast. That would be condemning the entire race for the actions of a very very few. Mankind is redeemable. I have seen the power of redemption take a man from the most miserable of conditions and raise him to a being of love and light in this world. I say this not to invalidate your perspective, but to give you some insight into my frame of mind as I read your words.

For now, I will pause, your story is not over.

With Love,

Your Brother

yeah a lot of people got messed up childhoods. lets not cry about it now. how does having a drunk parent and a crazy parent make you a prophet? go ahead and hop in line behind the rest of us

reply to post by AProphet1233


i also was born to a insane bipolar woman, and to a dad whop neglected me, my brother beated me, hanged me, burnt me with chemicals, threw a knife at me, cut me, gave me a concussion, dragged around on my back with a rope around my neck, tortured, and bit more than 59 times in just one case of many ant bite problems, and had to steal my own food to live, and i was only THREE, so i understand what you are talking about here, and the best thing to do is to suck it up and keep on rollin!

Originally posted by 2weird2live2rare2die
yeah a lot of people got messed up childhoods. lets not cry about it now. how does having a drunk parent and a crazy parent make you a prophet? go ahead and hop in line behind the rest of us

Being born makes you a prophet my friend. God reveals himself through all of our lives. Perhaps you'd like to share your Word of God? It is far better than denouncing another's thread when you could better use such energies in the creation of your own, don't you think?

With Love,

Your Brother

reply to post by AProphet1233


That's a miserable childhood you experienced, my friend. My own had it's own particular miseries, as well.

I am very happy, though, that I had a couple of experiences that helped me to overcome the past. No, not experiences of some good and wonderful thing that some person did for me, although, they those sorts of events do have their place in the grand scheme of things that have allowed me to recover and move on and find calm within and see the great amount of love from without. These special experiences were epiphanies of a sort, what some folks might call supernatural experiences, or some others might say I might have had some sort of brain aneurysm or stroke and hallucinated.

Whatever it all was, they brought about a great change in me.

I do see that some people are not much more than beasts in their actions and their apparent beliefs. But there are many others, too, who have gone way past the beastliness and have shown to be great humanitarians, selfless, kind, compassionate.

This next might not be something you want to, or it will be, something you want to read right now.
There are others who have had a way worse time of life than you have. There are others who have a much better time of life than you have.

That's not the end of the point I am making, however. What I want to impart to you is that, there are people who have had a much worse time of it than you, and they have grown to become wonderful people, great humanitarians, great parents and friends. There are people who had a much better time of it than you, who have become real beasts! Selfish, uncaring, unloving, terrible parents, and so terrible of friends that no one wants to even associate with them.

One must take what they have been given as their lot in life and grow from it. Find peace within and see the love that is around them, and nurture that love and pass it on to others.

You know that already, though, for sure!

To Sheepslayer:

Interesting is a good word to describe it. The way I see it things happen that are beyond our control and what occurs is unavoidable and inevitable. Children are a mystery to me. They are pure and innocent but that fades quickly as if it was an illusion from the start. From my experience, as a child I was one way, a youth another way, and as an adult I am the way I'll continue to be for the rest of my life. Beyond that explanation I dare not tread.

To IAMIAM

"People talk sometimes of bestial cruelty, but that's a great injustice and insult to the beasts; a beast can never be so cruel as a man, so artistically cruel."
-Dostoevsky

As far as the redemption of man... I don't believe redemption exists because sin doesn't exist for me. What others may call sin, a deviation from an idealistic mode of life with Christ as an example, I call their fate or their inevitable recourse to the overwhelming aspects of life. For instance, if I put a man in a terrible situation, especially from birth, so that he knows nothing but sinful behaviors I can't blame him for responding to these conditions the only way a person would know how, by assimilation. It is either that or destruction and I would be a cruel God to judge men unfairly or command that they seek destruction or an impossible standard of behaviors.

If I did believe in the abstract and remote possibility of redemption to reconcile the absurd amount of suffering in life my mental health would be in bad shape.

Your post reminded me of the entirety of The Brothers Karamazov as it only discusses sin and redemption.

Redemption to me is like this excerpt from the book:

"
I have a charming pamphlet, translated from the French, describing how, quite recently, five years ago, a murderer, Richard, was executed- a young man, I believe, of three and twenty, who repented and was converted to the Christian faith at the very scaffold. This Richard was an illegitimate child who was given as a child of six by his parents to some shepherds on the Swiss mountains. They brought him up to work for them. He grew up like a little wild beast among them. The shepherds taught him nothing, and scarcely fed or clothed him, but sent him out at seven to herd the flock in cold and wet, and no one hesitated or scrupled to treat him so. Quite the contrary, they thought they had every right, for Richard had been given to them as a chattel, and they did not even see the necessity of feeding him. Richard himself describes how in those years, like the Prodigal Son in the Gospel, he longed to eat of the mash given to the pigs, which were fattened for sale. But they wouldn't even give that, and beat him when he stole from the pigs. And that was how he spent all his childhood and his youth, till he grew up and was strong enough to go away and be a thief. The savage began to earn his living as a day labourer in Geneva. He drank what he earned, he lived like a brute, and finished by killing and robbing an old man. He was caught, tried, and condemned to death. They are not sentimentalists there. And in prison he was immediately surrounded by pastors, members of Christian brotherhoods, philanthropic ladies, and the like. They taught him to read and write in prison, and expounded the Gospel to him. They exhorted him, worked upon him, drummed at him incessantly, till at last he solemnly confessed his crime. He was converted. He wrote to the court himself that he was a monster, but that in the end God had vouchsafed him light and shown grace. All Geneva was in excitement about him- all philanthropic and religious Geneva. All the aristocratic and well-bred society of the town rushed to the prison, kissed Richard and embraced him; 'You are our brother, you have found grace.' And Richard does nothing but weep with emotion, 'Yes, I've found grace! All my youth and childhood I was glad of pigs' food, but now even I have found grace. I am dying in the Lord.' 'Yes, Richard, die in the Lord; you have shed blood and must die. Though it's not your fault that you knew not the Lord, when you coveted the pigs' food and were beaten for stealing it (which was very wrong of you, for stealing is forbidden); but you've shed blood and you must die.'And on the last day, Richard, perfectly limp, did nothing but cry and repeat every minute: 'This is my happiest day. I am going to the Lord.' 'Yes,' cry the pastors and the judges and philanthropic ladies. 'This is the happiest day of your life, for you are going to the Lord!' They all walk or drive to the scaffold in procession behind the prison van. At the scaffold they call to Richard: 'Die, brother, die in the Lord, for even thou hast found grace!' And so, covered with his brothers' kisses, Richard is dragged on to the scaffold, and led to the guillotine. And they chopped off his head in brotherly fashion, because he had found grace.
"

reply to post by 2weird2live2rare2die


What great insight!

Thank you for that!

reply to post by kyred




You're right in that I usually don't want to hear about examples that unify the world in an enlightening way. Perhaps I identify too much with my sufferings. Well, not really. But some people do, it gives them meaning.

I'll be honest, I would much rather persist through life in a tragic mode of singular perspective because not only is it fun for me but at some point we have to accept our limitations.

If I go deeply enough into anyone's life, whether they started out bad and ended good or started good and ended bad, I will be able to find common patterns that agree with what I try and communicate with my threads.

Originally posted by 2weird2live2rare2die
yeah a lot of people got messed up childhoods. lets not cry about it now. how does having a drunk parent and a crazy parent make you a prophet? go ahead and hop in line behind the rest of us

edit on 23-9-2010 by 2weird2live2rare2die because: (no reason given)

If I make another thread which would be entitled Prelude to A Prophet, I would continue on the timeline to where I eventually label myself a prophet. Duh.

Originally posted by AProphet1233
For instance, if I put a man in a terrible situation, especially from birth, so that he knows nothing but sinful behaviors I can't blame him for responding to these conditions the only way a person would know how, by assimilation.

Ah, but this here is the redemption I am speaking of. Only a hypocrite would forgive then condemn to death. Rather, once redeemed, save that life, and if it cannot be saved, die trying. No man has the right to take another's life, nor to imprison him like a beast.

But you tempt me to rattle on, when it is your testimony which brought me here. So, I will retire and listen some more.

BTW, I am not a Christian.

With Love,

Your Brother

Man reading this brought back the hell that ties me to the ground in my head. Funny though I used to get a dollar a week and lunch food for turning bullies into scared sissies. That is until high school and everyone got either my size or bigger...

Still though the similarities in thought and the feeling of being a prophet is similar. I grew up and witnessed hell on earth, I watched my dad beat my mother, I was held at gunpoint while my mother was raped in front of me. My bed in high school was a small chair in the living room, because my dad needed the room to puke in after being blacked out 6 or 7 nights a week. Eventually things like money and cars, living in a house, working for a company, all became unnecessary and beyond that a delusion of the grounded hellish world that 99% of people either dont know about or dont care about.

First, for years I thought my place in the world would be found by wandering the earth learning, experiencing, and helping others. Which is what I tried to do for a while.

However and against my original thoughts, I realized that I had left 4 other children to go through what I did. Not including my closest in age brother who gets what he deserves... So I came back and got a job making decent money, I rented a nice rambler and had 2 of my sisters and my dad move in so I could keep them safe. I also took in two of my friends who had become homeless. I had absolutely no idea how bad this would explode in my face.

In the years I spent on and off the road, my siblings had lost most innocence and replaced it with malice like I had. One of my friends robbed me, even though I paid for his food, gas, bike parts, and his damn weed.
Needless to say, after everything with that and more, I have zero communication with my family now.
In my quest to help I made my own life I living hell and for the past two years I have been struggling to stay off the streets and Im trapped where I am for now.

However the feeling and belief that I am here to gather information is still there, and my biggest observation so far is that life is suffering. However with that suffering comes knowledge and understanding if you let it. So those of us who have suffered the most and still dont rob old ladies, know the most.

Although friend, my senses are shot. And the only emotions I feel now are sadness and anger. Though mainly I feel nothing. That will not stop me however, as I am unable to travel and so that part of my path is on hold, this is the time I have taken to observe myself, and hopefully progress also. The urge is too strong not to continue my journey, to find the source of the suffering, and to see the bigger picture, and to help others do the same.

I have turned depression into selflessness, attempting to turn violence into productivity, and anger into curiosity into the subject.

But I would think prophet is a strong word. Maybe an Apostle of the living world? IDK, but I understand you maybe and you aren't alone either way.

reply to post by IAMIAM


Let's converse...

If you are not a Christian who do you think has the authority to provide redemption?

If it is God redemption can only be attained through the sacrificial blood of the only pure man to ever live, his son Jesus Christ. And how one receives this grace would be accepting him in a spiritual sort of way as the one who gives eternal life, giving your heart and soul to Jesus or else being doomed. At least this is the Christian idea.

If it is not God and there is no sacrificial blood then men are in a doomed and unforgivable state. The "saviors" of men fated for evil would be the institutions and the posers as was exampled in the excerpt I posted. One is forced to accept the dogma of Roman Catholicism as the worldly manifestation of divine authority. Or either submit to the will of posers who demand repentance only to later condemn you in the worst ways, an example of man's artistic cruelty and falsity.

Or else, where are all the righteous men and woman who would honestly give their lives for an illiterate murderer or a youth forced to commit crimes. In other words, who is righteous without religion and upon what basis - Humanistic atheism has been shown historically to be a bit dubious... Or more importantly how does one become more than human in their love for others.

I actually think the future holds the answer to these questions and I have a specific example in mind that I wouldn't share publicly.

reply to post by AProphet1233


Very well my friend, you have asked a very honest question so here is my very honest question.

Bear in mind I have already been labeled a heretic, a blasphemer, and even Satan himself. I AM not any of those things, but each is welcome to their own perspective. God will sort it out soon enough.

God created everything, God is everything, therefore God is the only Judge of Man. He created EVERYTHING in the beginning. Everything, the past, the present, the future. He is the Alpha and the Omega, and we are all part of it. At each stage of creation, he paused and said it was GOOD. Therefore, Man is GOOD. We have already been judged.

Jesus Christ understood all this. He forgave men of their sins because he knew they were already forgiven. When he gave his life for our sins, the sins he died for were the sins of his followers at that time. Everyone of them knew he was a faultless person. Yet, they were too cowardly to stand up to them Roman authorities to defend his life. Jesus told them they could not kill in his defence, never did he say they could not die in his defence. Of course he wouldn't have. He knew Mankind was too weak and barbaric at the time to do so. The thought of giving your life to your enemy was not in the nature of man. The nature of sin was not fully understood at the time. Neither was the power each man possessed known. So, to set an example, he sacrificed himself for this lesson. Christians after that time new the lesson well. Thus, they sacrificed themselves repeatedly. They were persecuted, oppressed, tortured, and fed to lions for entertainment. Yet, they stayed intact and attracted followers, despite Rome trying to stamp them out. The Empire had to conquer them from within. So, Rome usurped Jesus' teachings, wrapped them in a veil of Pagan ritual, deifying Christ, and taking a cult of absolute freedom and strength and turned it into a religion of blind submission.

Today's Christians,most anyway, would not recognise the old cult, and would most likely run in terror at the sacrifices they would be expected to make today.

Christ taught the power of love, not the power of submission. To love thy enemy is to have power over him, not be submissive to him. For if a Man strikes you down when you have harmed him not, and you offer him the other cheek, if he strikes again, who is really in control?

I am not seeking to converse with the righteous, I seek those with tales like your own. Who is truly righteous, those who dwell in their own heaven and know nothing more, or those who have been through hell and made it out alive?

With Love,

Your Brother

reply to post by SeekerForLight


Most psychologists say experiences during childhood are around 90% of the reason we become who we become as those are our most formative years. Hence why psychoanalysts when dealing with the unconscious always delve into the psyche until a person talks about repressed memories and whatnot. This was a negative effect on me as a young adult because it seemed fate was too cruel and I would have preferred a vice on the nuts over resembling my parents in their shortcomings or being paralyzed emotionally. So that was when I discovered the world of humanism that supported the autonomy of the individual idea, that we can make of ourselves what we wish. And I did for a time create a certain persona for myself that I thought was ideal. Although shortly after I had an experience that could be related symbolically to the story in the bible of Jacob wrestling with the dark angel and walking away from that struggle with a permanent limp. Well, I was in a state of madness for a while fate/higher power/dark angel caught up with me and destroyed those illusions I had created for myself. So now I can be happy that I have my life but the limp for me is a certain baseness and evil I can't get rid of that is probably remnant from early experiences. Not necessarily in myself because I've learned to sublimate those energies, but just the overall coloring and pattern of my life. I'm indifferent to labeling it any sort of way and I fully believe there is a comic eternal aspect to all of existence. On a macro level I think certain "darknesses" have proven to be part of eternal processes and people are now trying to cope with a healthy perspective of it all.

reply to post by AProphet1233


Time spent with the mother was being witness to that peculiar brand of madness only the dislocated and disconnected urban experience can breed. Sometimes the burden of life weighs so heavily on a person that they just snap and remain senseless for the rest of their lives.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
i couldn't agree more with you,i also belive the burden of life weighs so heavily on some people that they just snap and remain senseless for the rest of their lives,as i have seen this with my own eye's many time's...when something just snaps in a person brain,almost as if their brain just shuts off from reality around them,and they wrap them selfs up in a bubble so to speak.

I must say, you are a very powerful writer, perhaps you should write a book. Very dynamic and fluid style.

Cheers

reply to post by AProphet1233


Here is a question for you, AP:

Are you a writer? If so, go for it!

If not, still go for it! Something good has to come out of that misery, surely?

Anyway, a star for an amazing (and amazingly written) post.

Is it just me.... or do all the people who are attracted to this site all have some story and not always pleasant... Could of been worse op, you could of turned out to be not of such a sunny disposition.