Why Can't I Own a Canadian?--A Religious Letter

So I found this quite amusing and I wondered if any ATS members could answer the questions cited below?

Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22 and cannot be condoned under any circumstance.

The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by a east coast resident, which was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them:

When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your devoted fan,
Jim

Source

~Keeper

[edit on 5/31/2010 by tothetenthpower]

This is one of the best reasons why you can't pick and chose from the bible. If you are to follow it shouldn't you follow all of it. (lol). This one is great for all those religous fanatics out there.

reply to post by tothetenthpower


Awsome burn. One hell of a come back for that ignorant woman.

Im sure she will think all of 10 seconds. Thats about all religious people can muster before they start to pray for anwsers. LOL some things in the old testament are ok... and others are not.... it just depends on what the $%^&ing idiots wants at that point and time.

Thanks for this post! I love it!!

reply to post by tothetenthpower


Lol. That was an awesome letter. I havent had a laugh like that all day.

Its too bad we dont have the answer to those questions from old Dr. Laura. I would love to hear how she replied.

This was really funny to read....


The thing that the author doesn't know (unless they did it for entertainment), or maybe to show hypocracy of today, etc.. is that the old testament laws don't even apply after the Christ was born. The new testament was the new law to be followed abandoning all those old testament rules. By following the old testament rules was God's agreement with the Jews for them to "stay out of trouble" in those times.. but after Christ was born and began preaching the gospel, the gospel superceded the Jew's need to follow all the old rules and do what Christ said instead... This was God's new agreement with humanity to follow Christ.
enjoyed the post, thank you


[edit on 31-5-2010 by alienreality]

Originally posted by alienreality
This was God's new agreement with humanity to follow Christ.

And where is THAT written down?

Funny, but all this stuff from Dr. Laura doesn't have a thing to do with her doctorate: Physiology

reply to post by alienreality


Yeah, that sounds like Paul, whom personally I think was a con man, and not divinely inspired at all, but thats just me.

Jesus himself did not say that.

www.bartleby.com...

Jesus' Attitude toward the Law


17 ¶ Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil.
18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled. Lk. 16.17
19 Whosoever therefore shall break one of these least commandments, and shall teach men so, he shall be called the least in the kingdom of heaven: but whosoever shall do and teach them, the same shall be called great in the kingdom of heaven.
20 For I say unto you, That except your righteousness shall exceed the righteousness of the scribes and Pharisees, ye shall in no case enter into the kingdom of heaven.

However, it is unlikely Leviticus was actually from Moses, (same with Deuteronomy) so they may not actually be Gods law at all, but mans law.

Originally posted by juniperberry

Originally posted by alienreality
This was God's new agreement with humanity to follow Christ.

And where is THAT written down?

it is pasted all over the NEW Testament.... read it,, and no I won't feed it to you on a silver spoon either

reply to post by alienreality


I am absolutely positive the writer was being sarcastic/satirical.

But if what you say is true, then that means you are saying the ten commandments don't have to be followed by Christians. So could you justify murder and cheating for me? Is that what you think? I doubt it.


OP great find and thanks for the laugh.

Sooo why do we even HAVE an old testament if the new testament is meant to supersede it?

And shouldn't that book come with a warning that this is the case?

Friggin awesome! bahahahha!

I just pasted it onto my facebook....

I wonder how many people are gonna delete me this time..... bahahah...

( I tend to get deleted a lot after posting these things, lol... )

The "bible" = words on paper; used to control the masses.

[atsimg]http://files.abovetopsecret.com/images/member/78b05745e3b4.jpg[/atsimg]

Thanks for the giggle, Keeper... But alas, logic NEVER works with the religious...

That's just hilarious... well written.

One of these centuries sheeple will recognize religion for what it is... a joke.

I so hope the author of the letter was being sarcastic... if not i really fear for reason and common sense in this world, with people like this

I'm Canadian. It's because of Exodus 1 1 3

"Canada be cool"

There you go.

Lol on a serious note, my favorite thing to do with religious texts is to determine what in the text was written by who.

For example:


In the bible God dose everything good, and The Lord dose everything bad.

AKA: God be the creator, The Lord be the devil.