A cry for help with a really weird issue relating kundalini
own source, own experience
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This is a genuin CRY FOR HELP
my issue is very unusual
ok, here the deal
this is as far as my understanding of my issue
the male and female energy within my body refuse eachother
the female rejects the male due to socalled weakness and refusal to listen
while the male rejects the female due to prostitution and rape pericles
in this life, the woman who gave birth to me, was into prostitution. at least, in the early years of my life.
she experienced something with rape, wich freaked out my female energy and made it kinda dualminded
(that was shown to me during a ayahuasca ritual in november last year)
about 7months earlier
when a shaktipat was given to me via an audio file; clearing the believe system, from the master gathering website
when being brought to that wich one could call "God"
because being unprepared, my whole being freaked out.
and stopped the whole thing before completion.
when asking what "God" allowed to happen
the front door went open and sounds of high heels filled the hall
then a woman's voice said, my God, doesn't he have any idea what is
the female energy was stonger then the male and therefore my being was unable to undo that kind of "influence"
it freaked out when trying to undo it, when hearing voices that where not there.
because we smoke in this body, the willbody was eaten by a being that resides in the darkness...
In the first week, also hearing fighting with swords and screaming of dying persons
at one moment, doing my dishes, after hearing something similar, out of my mouth came, angels?
and a man's voice said, yeah at an frustrated tone.
a week later, when trying to meditate to allowe the join of the 2 brainhalfs
a army helicopter floated about my being at a distance of about 10m
that was very weird
so the joining never took place.
a few weeks later, my kidbrother was sleeping over, and a girl with who there was a sort of relationship, was also there
my male side told her during the day we needed to stop our relationship (she was on the fysical level married to an other man)
because at the fundamental level there was something wrong (ea. the abuse and rape issue)
she is a reptile btw. in a way there was love for her.
during the night a being took possesion of my brother and called me fort to have a last time sex with that girl
i awoke, shouted out "what" and pushed the being away
when turning to the girl, i stroke her face gently.
she awoke and we ended up having sex
when done, realised something stupid happened
she said, maybe something good will come of it
but the bubble was broken
the whole of creation allowed me to hear this several times when i tried to meditate at night in a park
some time after that event
friends introduced me to an other girl, her nickname was mystique, her real name Heidi,
with who a conversation happened about this rape and abuse issue. Since she was raped in her life, the impression of her understanding was there.
during the night at a Goa party, she made a cross sign before me... saying she forgave me.
and seperating the male from the female side
(as far as my understanding, within a male body, the male normally operates during the day, the female at night, within a woman's body, it's
When looking into the sun the next morning, it hit me that i found myself in a world of male werewolfs and female vampires
I freaked out, ran to a friend, wanting to tell him and ask him for help, but out of my mouth came, what i saw en that they saw me just like that to.
He only said, then it's ok.
When walking around, two men passed me and one said, how do you like behind bars?
[edit on 9-1-2010 by Lorcan]