jesus=zombie

if jesus rose from the dead, doesn't that make him a zombie? and if christians 'drink the blood of christ', doesn't that make them zombie vampires? Curious to hear you thoughts...

[atsimg]http://files.abovetopsecret.com/images/member/455026a5bfbd.jpg[/atsimg]

Second line.

Third

reply to post by washingtonsghost


I must tip my hat to your creativity. I am a Christian, Catholic, and former alter boy.

If you have interesting and unusual thoughts, keep them coming.

reply to post by washingtonsghost


no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes.

But seriously, Jesus, is alive, from the dead, Lazarus he rose from the dead, but him and Laz are not zombies. Laz died for the 2nd time eventually, Jesus didn't die a 2nd time, he's immortal, more like highlander except his head can't get chopped off, just trying to put this in modern day references. Jesus' wounds are only visible because he doesn't heal them to show to people he is Jesus, he is resurrected permanently, unlike us until the mass resurrection, which will take place starting with the 2nd coming, I don't expect any non-believer, non-Christian to believe a single word, good day.

Jesus died for your sins......

...and rose for your BRAINS!!!!!!!

Zombie Jesus

So, yeah. Guess Jesus was technically the first Zombie.

Anyone frozen by cryonics would also be a zombie. Not only that but a corpse is property and a death certificate is title so if revived would be irredeamable slaves of the family member with the death certificate. Since the ex popcicle no longer would have any natural born or even civil rights.

reply to post by Republican08


Finally got to use your little chart. I bet you were happy to see this. When I first saw the title I thought it must be you.

I think you have proven Jesus is a Zombified Frankenstein Vampire beyond a reasonable doubt.

Originally posted by Razimus
Jesus' wounds are only visible because he doesn't heal them to show to people he is Jesus,

That has always struck me as sick. Jesus holding onto his wounds. That smacks of holding onto a grudge which seems to be the whole basis of hell. Why couldn't he just let go and move on but no he had to walk around showing people what those mean old crusifiers did to him.

By the way - did Adam have a navel?

Originally posted by HotSauce
reply to post by Republican08

 

Finally got to use your little chart. I bet you were happy to see this. When I first saw the title I thought it must be you.

I think you have proven Jesus is a Zombified Frankenstein Vampire beyond a reasonable doubt.

I literally laughed outloud, I was so happy to get to use this chart!

About friggin time. It was like fate.

Since Christians that participate in communion ceremonies also eat a wafer signifying the flesh of Jesus, I guess that makes them cannibals, too.

reply to post by washingtonsghost


When Jesus rose from the grave, he was alive. Zombies are the undead. undead and alive is different as the undead are "beings that are deceased yet behave as if alive." I hope he finds it in him to forgive you for your stupid blasphemous thread.

reply to post by washingtonsghost


I don't know. If you died on the surgery table and were clinically dead and the doctor used CPR or shocked you and brought you back would you be a zombie? What if he did it after three days? Which may be possible one day in the future. Technology you know?

You know people die all the time and come back right? They're not zombies. Oh, let me guess, you're special. If you die and the EMT brings you back to life, you're good to go, you're not a zombie. Because your stuff don't stink or something right? But when it's Jesus he's obviously a zombie right? I mean, Jesus sucks so he must be a zombie right? Just because you don't like him right?

I think the first thing you need to do before you ask if Jesus is a zombie is carefully define the word zombie and what is a zombie and what isn't.

Also, you know that's not real blood or flesh in the cup right? I mean the Catholics can say what they want, but it ain't. I personally believe part of Jesus's goal, if you will, was to get rid of stupid things like blood sacrifice by being the last sacrifice. But nobody remembers that part of the Bible I guess.

What Jesus was saying is, hey no more blood sac. But some people are just morons and can't let it go like the Catholics who think they should still be drinking blood for some stupid reason. So they get to pretend it's blood and it all works out for them I guess in the end.

What Jesus was saying is blood sac is retarded. That's just dumb, but since people are idiots and they just can't let it go then here ya go, drink some wine and and sit back and chill and eat some bread instead. Even to this day, people still can't let it go. Still think they should be following all the rules in the OT except the ones they don't like.

Jesus is about the spiritual. He could have used anything he wanted, but he was just using the wine and the bread as a replacement for the stupid rituals. If it was really about blood sac he could have just said hey, kill an animal and eat its blood if that's what Jesus wanted, but that ain't what he wanted.

So, you ask the atheists, hey, don't you think blood sacrifice is a little retarded? And they're like yeah, so that Jesus was a pretty dumb guy huh trying to get everyone to drink his blood?

And it's like uh no, Jesus was pretty smart cause he got us to sit back and drink and eat something else instead of doing something retarded like blood sacrifices. Now, you know how people are with their religions right?

You know how hard it is to get someone to change their religion? That's what Jesus did. Blood sac was part of their religion and he got people to say, oh wait, this bread is much better. Do you know how hard that would be? Sounds like Jesus was pretty smart to me.

So, even when he agrees with you I guess he's still wrong right?

But like I said, some people just can't let it go and don't get the message. Like the Catholics who are like, ooohhh look it's real blood and the bread really is Jesus's flesh and it's like the whole time they don't get the point of the entire excersie that was the New Testement.

To stop retarded things like blood sacrifice. But it's good Jesus gave them the wine and the bread because without it they're all morons. They just can't let it go. In no time at all they'd be drinking real blood from a stupid cup again or carrying an ox up a mountain to be burnt because they must have a sacrifice. They must have some stupid ritual to be closer to God. It doesn't count without some stupid retarded ritual like praying 5 times a day, or drinking blood, or lighting 8,000 candles.

But Jesus was just like, hey ya'll. That stuff is whack. Can ya'll just forget about that and get back to helping the sick and the poor now? But nope. People are dumb. Must have a sacrifice. Even to this day. Just cannot let it go. Hence the stupid bread and the wine because Jesus was smart enough to know that people can be dumb and they just can't focus without the stupid ritual and to them it's not real unless they're throwing salt over their shoulder or something.

But that's a fault with people. Not with Jesus. The whole coming back to life part is probably the same thing. Anybody else that came with the same message as Jesus did like saying help each other, love each other, or do whatever, well people would have been like hogwash, he doesn't know what he's talking about. Don't listen to that whack job. Just kill him. Hang that whack job up on a cross or something. He's annoying!!!

But all of a sudden when the whack job zombie comes walking out of the tomb it's a whole diff story right? All of a sudden it's like woah!!!!, only God could do that! This guy is really on to something! Listen to that guy!!!

Well guess what? The message was still good regardless if he was God or not. The message was still the same. But it doesn't matter what your message is. Any politician can tell you that. It's all about giving people what they want and entertaining them with magic tricks. That's what people want. They don't care about your message. They do care about what you can do for them, like raising them from the dead though. Get it? Jesus was smart enough to know that.

Even if it's the same message as Jesus was nobody gives a crap unless you can do the magic trick right along with it. Like lower their taxes or raise them from the dead. Without the magic trick nobody gives a crap.

But good advice is good advice regardless of the magic trick. People should have still listened to what he had to say without the magic tricks, but they didn't because people are dumb and generally only care about themselves.

But again, that's not Jesus' fault. That's the people's fault. Anyone with any brains would have said, I don't really care if he came back from the dead. That's not important, but his message was awesome apparently he finally figured out a way for us to get rid of this thing we call sin. That's what ya'll should be paying attention to!!

But they didn't pay attention to it. They killed him instead because they didn't like what he said because it was different. Until he did another magic trick. Then it all made sense again right?

[edit on 18-11-2009 by tinfoilman]