Why would a person do this?

So, about 2 months ago I broke up with my now ex. The relationship lasted about 10 months, so it was fairly serious. I didn't break up with because I wanted to, but instead because I was forced to by reasons that amount to a very long story that I believe I've already shared once on this board. I won't bore everyone with the details, but in a nut shell she invited me to stay with her for a while when she went home for the summer (She's here for college,) and while I was there, she was sneaking around behind my back with another dude.

I felt like I dealt with this one pretty well -- infinitely better than my last breakup. I still think about her, but I'm not obsessing, I'm happy with my life, etc. About 2 weeks ago, she emailed me. It was just a short, simple "How are you doing?" email. I really appreciated this gesture, since the last time I had a serious breakup the girl never spoke to me again, and that was Hell for me. She asked me a few questions, so I responded cordially and told her what was going on. She responded one more time, and asked me a few questions once again. I responded with a short, friendly paragraph and answered her questions (she asked what I was being for Halloween, and how work and classes were going, etc.) It's been a week and a half now, and she hasn't responded. I'm most of the way over her now, so it's not as if I'm freaking out, it's just really irritating. I was making some really good progress; thinking about her less and less, moving on with my life. Then, out of nowhere, and after only a month and a half, she emails me. Wanting to make the best of it, I respond, and she ignores me!? What the Hell? Can't I just have my peace? Now I'm thinking about her again...the feelings of loneliness and anger for what she did to me are back. I was doing good. Is she just heartless? Was she trying to draw me back in, or did she email me and then forget about it? She knows I'm the type who can never stop asking "Why!?," so....why!?

Ignore her, she is no good for you. you may have been friends once, and then lovers, but she devalued all of that when she decided to cheat on you. throw her away like the piece of trash she is... with that said, let go of it, meditate, get her off your mind, she isn't WORTH IT! just remember, in the end, all will be fine for the most part. there are plenty of women who would probably kill to have a guy like you, who obviously doesn't cheat, because you don't put up with it. BUT I don't know you personally so I cannot speak on your behalf....

As to WHY, she only knows. but, honestly, it sounds like she is trying to pry her way back into your life, daemons can be hard to get rid of, and sounds like you started pretty damn good to get rid of one, but it keeps showing is ugly head. If I were you, I'd block her e-mail addy, and leave it at that.

Well my ex did this to me years ago. We were together 5 years. He broke up with me for no reason, 2 months later he tells me he is engaged. I freak, end up having an emotional break down and never speak to him again UNTIL 6mths later he shows up at my APT at 2am wanting to apologize. Apparently he had been driving by lately looking for my car and I just happened to be home this time. I flipped out on him. He was in tears and blah blah blah. I thought he wanted me back but I was wrong, he was just obviously trying to make himself feel better for being a jerk. Anyways I was so mad at him for showing up in my life like that after what he did. It made it even worse. It took me another 2 years to deal with it. He was always wanting to make sure I was ok, I swear he was torturing me! Well its been almost 8 years and he is one of my best friends. I know his wife, yes the same one he met and engaged in 2 months, and his kid. If he would have left me alone I probably wouldnt have had a warped imaged of men for so long..lol Im fine now, I think

Im sorry about what happened but if I were you I wouldnt worry about it, you were only together 10months which to me isnt that long, yes it still hurts but you should be fine. I would go out with friends and just ignore her. You will find someone. Good luck hun

reply to post by Herman



Let the games begin.........

If you are going to play, play rough, no more mr. nice guy.
Don't fall for this manipulation. No Rules, No Limits, No excuses!!


Be the Pirate! Take no prisoners!

[edit on 18-10-2009 by whaaa]

reply to post by Herman

My guess is that enough time has passed for her to feel lonely and to start missing you, or [missing the idea of your relationship] especially since it had been going for some time. I think this is a natural part of moving on... two steps forward, one step back, type of situation. Probably not intentionally messing w/you or your emotions, it's more likely that she's dealing w/her own emotions...

Sucks, it's a bad spot to be... It will pass, for both of you, if you give it the space [don't feed into the feelings] for it do so... assuming, that is what you want...

as he sayd let the games begin XD
she is one of those demons who wants to make you think about her,to write her,to get obssesed over her.
just write her that you have a new girlfriend who isnt a cheaty cr*p and to leave you alone forever and make a new email account,dont wait for her to respond.

Thanks, guys.

I guess I'm torn between confronting her head on and calling her out on everything or just letting it be. I'm not a trusting person by nature. I'm very careful, and I leave little to chance. What I am, though, regretfully, is extremely forgiving. Even after I found out she was sneaking around behind my back with her ex while I was staying at her home thousands of miles away from my own (which she invited me to, by the way,) I gave her another chance because I thought she was truly sorry. Somehow I (once again) became the one wondering why she wasn't calling, why she didn't look happy to see me anymore, why, if her feelings for me seemed completely dead, she didn't just admit it and end the relationship. After getting tired of her excuses, I came to the extremely difficult decision of breaking up with her, and after everything she did to me, I was STILL decent enough to just make it quick and easy; not trying to riddle her with guilt. As difficult as it was, I was friendly and cordial, with my only goal being to put enough distance between us that I can get over her. But no, I can't even get away with that. She has to come back for one more jab...introduce new questions...get me thinking about it again.

Arrrgh. What is wrong with people!?

Don't let her know that she's getting to you. Never give her the satisfaction of asking her why she's doing what she's doing.

I'd be inclined to leave any more of her emails unread, should there be any.

I'm assuming that you don't want her back so even if a reconciliation is on her mind there's no need for you to know about it.

Since you answered her past emails in a polite and friendly manner, then you've done the proper thing. If you don't read or respond to any new ones, it's because you are simply too busy. That's all there need be to it.

All this aside, I hope life is going well for you.

I think you're right, berenike. I considered emailing her and asking her what the Hell her problem is, but like you said, that would most likely just give her satisfaction. Maybe I hurt her pride when I dumped her after she practically cheated on me, and that was her way of getting even...I don't know. Of course, I'm a very curious person...I always need to know every little detail of everything, so there's pretty much no chance I'd leave her emails unread. I don't think she's going to send another one, though, so that shouldn't be a problem.

And yeah, life is going pretty well. I've been so busy I've barely been able to breathe...but I like being productive.