Politics Explained (Short and Sweet)

FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.

PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all of the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.

BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and put them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs as the regulations say you need.

FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them and sells you the milk.

PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.

RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.

CAMBODIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The government takes both of them and shoots you.

DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.

PURE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.

REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.

BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.

PURE ANARCHY: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to take the cows and kill you.

LIBERTARIAN/ANARCHO-CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

[edit on 25-4-2009 by dkman222]

CAMBODIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The government takes both of them and shoots you.

I'm still laughing

Cool thread.

Personally, I'm an Anarcho-Capitalist/Lassez-Faire Capitalist/Libertarian/whatever-phrase-you-wanna-call-it. In other words, i believe nobody has the right to take anyone's property by force. This is the most logical and the most fair of all systems. Sure, there will still be poor people under this system but there is going to be under all of them. At least under Libertarianism nobody has the right to take anything away from them and they have the right to better their lives. It isn't my or anyone's responsibility to take care of anyone else, that's what charities are for. Ok, at this point, i'm ranting. Good thread, S&F


TA

reply to post by TheAssociate


haha im glad you liked it, and thanks for the S&F,

kinda sad how true it all is tho eh? haha.

reply to post by dkman222


Brilliant, I love a bit of comedy here on ATS to lighten the mood.

Thank yoy very much, S&F.

It also is a very accurate picture of what goes on in these types of government. Mind you the Libertarian one seems the best way forward in most situations.

~Keeper

Originally posted by tothetenthpower
reply to post by dkman222

 

Brilliant, I love a bit of comedy here on ATS to lighten the mood.

Thank yoy very much, S&F.

It also is a very accurate picture of what goes on in these types of government. Mind you the Libertarian one seems the best way forward in most situations.

~Keeper

well i do personally feel the libertarian party is the best. but that's just my opinion. thanks for the S&F

Hah, funny stuff, thank you.

US congress: 2 physicists, 2 chemists, 2 biologists, 1 geologist, 1 astronaut, 234 lawyers
Chinese Politburo: All engineers

Which is _really_ worse?

----

There is a saying in Britain. In the USA, they have two main parties, the Republicans, who are kind of like the British Conservative Party, and the Democrats, who are kind of like the British Conservative Party.

----

A Soviet goes to his local communist office, and orders a car. The bureaucrat says, ok that will be 8 years. The Soviet asks, "will that be on a Tuesday?" The bureaucrat asks, "what? I said it's 8 years, what does the day matter?", the Soviet responds, "Well, I have the plumber coming that week!"

The last one is a real favourite of mine, IIRC Reagan told that one to Gorbachev.

Originally posted by RubberBaron

US congress: 2 physicists, 2 chemists, 2 biologists, 1 geologist, 1 astronaut, 234 lawyers
Chinese Politburo: All engineers

hahaha that is pretty funny, i never thought about it like that before, no wonder were so bad off now, lol.

i wonder what kind of engineering qualifications those Chinese have, or if its just a title appointed to them.

you never put in the "republic"

hey that was great...thanks for a good laugh.

which category do we put plutocratic.

Originally posted by epete22
you never put in the "republic"

hmm, my best attempt

Republic: You have two cows. An indirectly elected elite overthrows them because it doesn't believe they are as sacred as they claim.

tsk tsk...you should never put the republic down like that or misrepresent it.

if you only you knew how different it would be between a republic and a democracy.

www.usavsus.info...

This has been on the internet for yars but it never gets old, does it?

Can I add a few?

Republican-You have two cows. One of them does something stupid. Everyone unites together and destroys the offending cow.

Democrat-You have two cows. One of them does something stupid. Everyone unites together and gives the cow a second chance. Unless it's from Chicago.

Reform Party-You have two cows. A strange man from Texas comes along to promote your cows using lots of big charts. Oddly, people buy the whole show. Realizing how much support he has, he quits. After everyone loses confidence in him, he goes back to work. Both your ows are so exhausted and confused by the whole experience, they fall over, bump into stuff, and never give milk again. As for the strange man from Texas, nobody is sure what happened to him.

Texas-You have two cows. The repo man comes to take them since you stopped paying for them. You shoot the repo man and he dies. The other repo man will not go near you or your cows and you never have to pay for them again. The milk is sweet in Texas.

New York-You have two cows. The repo man comes to take them since you stopped paying for them. You yell at the repo man. He pulls a gun on you. You give up the cows but you keep yelling at him anyway. And he keeps yelling back.

San Francisco-You have two cows. You try to sell milk to a local business man but he ends up screwing you.

Playboy-You have two heffers. You photograph them doing things to each other and tell everyone how classy the pictures are.

Hustler-You have two cows. You photograph them doing things to each other. You try to convince everyone that those two cows produced thousands of gallons of milk during the photo shoot.

Hollywood-You have two cows and an odd looking mustache. You produce a low budget adult movie movie called "Brown chicken, brown cow." It's a hit and the cows produce milk for the next 20 years.

CNN-You tell the media you have two cows but CNN says you have three because it makes better news.

Fox-You tell the media you have two cows. Fox issues a Fox News Alert. They also issue a Fox News Alert for the story before and after yours.

Utopia-There are now cows but there is still plenty of milk for everyone.

Roman Catholic-Holy cow!

Terrorist-You have two cows. One of them explodes. Nobody thinks it's funny.

Somalia-You have two cows. Someone steals them from you. While making his getaway, he is ambushed and killed. The second group of thieves flee with your cows.

George Bush Jr-You have two cows. They used to produce sweet milk but now it's sour and deadly.

Barrack Obama-You have two cows. You are so excited, you wouldn't be surprised if your cows grew wings and started to fly. Instead, your cows continue to give sour milk. Reality sucks.

Perfect World-You have two cows. You sell the milk and make a little money. Then slaughter the cows and make more money. The government leaves you alone and gives you a tax break. Then you wake up and realize you were dreaming.

PEACE!

reply to post by Genfinity


Oh, and by the way, your sig... My friends and I have been flying upside-down flags since, oh about 1989, back when folks were calling us hippy freaks, when that was not a cool thing to be called. Still got it upside-down...We'll change that when this country is no longer in jeopardy.

Edit to try not to sound so pompous....well, too late...

[edit on 26-4-2009 by drumist69]

In India these jokes would cause rioting in the streets.

Maybe they can be illustrated and published in a Danish newspaper.


Mike

Damn...seems like everyone has passed out...Just when I was spoiling for some fun. Maybe tomorrow...

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[edit on 26-4-2009 by GAOTU789]

Ya left out:

The current govt situation: You have 2 cows. The govt takes the cows a chunk at a time, and try to leave you with skeletons. You protest, get put on a terrorist list. The govt comes in, tries to take you, and make YOU produce milk.

brillant! i was laughin out loud! ahahah

especially when it comes about "neighbours".... LOL

CORPORATISM: you have no cows but they are owned by a legal person and put together with a thousand of other cows. Half of these cows die or strave for impossible conditions and they use their flesh to produce mangime. Cow flu spread and all the cows die among other human beings. Milk is NO FUN anymore for the babies.

[edit on 26-4-2009 by digitalwarrior]

[edit on 26-4-2009 by digitalwarrior]

UK: You have two cows. The elected representative of your neighbours comes and takes away one cow, kills it and distributes the beef to your neighbours. A bureaucrat then comes along and demands that you give him your obliged amount of milk... but since you only have one cow you cannot meet the obligation. He then takes your other cow as a fine and gives it to an asylum seeker. You move to Switzerland.