Can you really trust anyone?

Has anyone betrayed your trust? How did you get that trust back? I need help I need to know that you can really trust someone after they have hurt you. Does it always stay there the mistrust. Can you really ever get over it? Please I really need some advice.

reply to post by silverflame


Trust.

Its complicated really... Can you trust someone who has hurt you? It depends on the situation. What exactly is your situation? I might be able to help you, or at least offer some perspective, if I know more dear

- Carrot

Trust no one. No one deserves trust.

Trust has to be earned. It can't be given. I had to learn this lesson the hard way. If you are too willing to trust someone, your going to get hurt each and every time.

People in general suck, they can't be trusted. You should always be wary of someone in your life cause they are probably only there to use you to get what they want.

If after a while tho they earn your trust then you can start to let them in a little. But never EVER let someone in too deep.

I think it's ok to trust until the trust is violated... then THATS IT GAME OVER PERIOD.

I have had my trust betrayed several times... actually it's been a theme my whole life. How to get it back you ask... Well... it's a choice. Is it worth it? We are all human, and prone to mistakes. Living life without trust is like a living hell.

Even though I've been hurt many times, I accept it was my choices and actions that got me there. Accountability casts aside the victim cry...

There's a quote in the movie Excalibur pertaining to love, life and choices.

Merlin says

You don't know until you try. Then of course it's too late.

May clarity and truth bless your heart.

So it shall be

My method is this: I assume I can't trust people until I have known them well for at least a few years. I don't betray their trust, I just don't trust them as far as I could throw them. I never make comments I would want kept private, I never gossip, I never till secrets, and I make it a point to say anything negative in the most positive way possible.

If you make yourself seem the most trustworthy person around then you will know everyone else's secrets and won't need to trust them to get what you want.

As far as personal as opposed to business relationships go, trust is more complicated. If a lover or spouse betrays your trust...I'd say 95% of the time it's time to end the relationship. Have you ever been able to truly trust this person? Have they betrayed you before? Were you in denial about their trustworthiness? Or did they just make a mistake that they won't make again? These are all questions you have to ask yourself.

There was a time when I was young and dumb and was so trusting.

I can count the people I trust on one hand now.

live a noble life, and what comes your way will be good.

Depends. Did he/she have good reason to break your trust or was it a full on betrayal? If it was your spouse cheating for example I am inclined to say no. If someone has sex with someone else it shows they do not really respect the relationship (though they may value it).

[edit on 28-10-2008 by riley]

Never trust anyone. When things get rough they will stab you in the back. When the opportunity arises they will take everything from you. Humans are opportunists. You can't trust anyone because trust is a lie.

I would say that it happens with time. The longer that you know that person the better you know him/her. You'll need to gauge for yourself how bad was the hurt. How long had you known the person. What the cause of the hurt was. How willing are you to forgive and have that person rebuild that trust. All are factors. I believe that some people can indeed be trusted. I have some friends whom I literally have trusted with my life.

All comes with time.

The decision will be totally up to you.

Trust until you have a reason not to, and that means an actual reason not one created by your own self apparent short comings. To live without trusting anyone is probably one of the most selfish ways in which one could live. When it is someone new it is very important to understand that they are not the people that hurt you their slate should be clean. Now your question seems more about what to do about someone who has already violated a trust between you and that answer is a little bit more complex because it brings a new question into the equation, Have you chosen to forgive them or not?

If you have chosen to forgive then you have no choice but to trust them, as difficult as that may be you will constantly have to fight the urges of distrust and doubt off until they have reached a point with you where those doubts no longer surface. Why? Because to truly forgive is to forget about that transgression for it to be any other way is to continually inflict damage on one another until there is finally no relationship to save.

Trust YOURSELF.. Listen to the voice inside you.

It causes major distress when someone you love and care for betrays your trust. A collapse of what you believe to be true.

Forgiving and forgetting is a wonderful old expression, but in reality , do we ever " forget" how someone hurt us? If you think you can move past this betrayal, by all means give the relationship another chance. But be cautious and guarded. The most valuable thing you give to others when you meet them is YOU. And YOU , that unique individual that you are, deserves to be cherished.

Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and hold your head up high. You can get through this, learn from it and be at peace .



When it is dark enough, you can see the stars”

Charles A. Beard



“The harder you fall the higher you bounce”

Horace

(Circa 35 B.C.E.)



“Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.”

Zen aphorism

Trust yourself. Trust people who have never hurt you and have nothing to gain at all from doing so.

I really only trust myself, my mom, and my boyfriend (we're working on it.)
I don't trust my best friend anymore. You just need to feel and use judgement. If you think there might be a reason to not trust somebody, don't.

reply to post by silverflame


Yes, someone betrayed me and there is no way to get that 'trust' back. Once I learned that trusting too much can hurt, there is still that mistrust that cannot be overcome.

As someone once told me long ago, "I DON'T TRUST ANYONE!" And noone should either.

With the exception of my best girlfriends, my kids, dad and brother...I don't trust anyone. There are even a few people "close" to me that, as sad as it is to say, I've cut myself off from emotionally so that when that inevitable time comes....it won't hurt so bad, if at all.

Trust can slowly be chipped away over time, and with every little bit that gets chipped away so does my connection to them. Until poof, it's gone.

And Sugar, you're right. You pick yourself up and keep going.

Rush

There has been no one in my life whom I've given 100% trust to.
Only one has come close, and he knows who he is. That's the closest I'll ever get.
If it's broken, I'll go back to giving ZERO all across the board, in every aspect of life.

My feelings are if someone breaks my trust there is no way in the world I could ever trust them again,could try acting like it but in reality no

Originally posted by silverflame
Has anyone betrayed your trust? How did you get that trust back? I need help I need to know that you can really trust someone after they have hurt you. Does it always stay there the mistrust. Can you really ever get over it? Please I really need some advice.

Well I have learned that it is not fair to ask someone never to betray you. It would slow down his/her learning in life.

There are different topics to discuss in this. But well I have stopped believing I can trust anyone 100%. It's a bit hard to tell someone I don't fully trust you. It's not really possible to fully trust anyone.

Some people are just selfish like that, they will betray you on purpose and there is nothing you can do about it. They will learn if they want to grow.

Everyone makes mistakes. It could be to say that he/she loved you when that person was conviced thats what it was but that it was not. The mistake could have been right there to think that this was it.

or the mistake could have been that this person thought you were the best for him/her but he/she did not know himself or herself and you well enough back then to really know.

In my case, after saying he loved me and asking me to trust him 100%, now that I have been the best friend he ever had and helped him feeling better he has found someone else. yayeeeee.

Can you really get over it when betrayed? Well it depends on you and if you find it really hard, the best is to just let it go... wich is what I seem not to be able to do myself yet.

Originally posted by Oldtimer2
My feelings are if someone breaks my trust there is no way in the world I could ever trust them again,could try acting like it but in reality no

Unfortunately thats how I feel as well. I would have to be sure that this person learned and understands where his/her mistake was and does not feel like doing it again. Wich well would go against what I said in my previous post... so. I don't know? I might forgive but not trust again, at least not the same way.