in my opinion you can not trust anyone. i trusted my wife and one day she told me she didn't love me anymore and had filed for divorce even though we took vows.
that has forever ruined my ability to trust people. i will now keep everyone at arms length

I would try to cut this person out of my life if it was a big betrayal, but it is possible that they change, but it wouldnt be any time soon.

I have recently learned the hard way to trust no one.
I also recently learned the ones you love most will betray your trust and hurt you the most.

No, I don't believe you really can trust anyone.
I don't think i'll ever be able to trust anyone again and i'm only 24. I've had bad luck with women, and friends. It's sad.
I just got cheated on again, and this is by far the worst yet.

[edit on 4-10-2009 by tompumped]

Trust is a funny thing. So hard to gain and so easy to lose....

I have so much trouble trusting ANYONE. In general I have had my trust broken so much that I tend to just push people away before they have a chance to hurt me.

It does prevent me from having any meaningful relationship as you can imagine because I often push people away before they can get to close to me.

People outgrow eachother and sometimes it can take years to get to know someone. I try remember that human beings will behave like human beings.. the most important thing is to establish honest relationships. I'd rather a quick betrayal than have years of life wasted on lies.. (actually with honesty there's be no need for betrayal at all but most people don't have the guts to be honest with themselves let alone others so they make bad choices). Really it is the different between a quick death and a slow torcherous one. Lifes too short.

[edit on 4-10-2009 by riley]

Can you really trust anyone? Maybe trust your intuition first.

If you dont trust then you distrust and if you want to be even-minded, affable, amiable and sociable you have to strike the balance here to escape developing an overly suspicious, insecure mind which is a real poor state to be in.

That stated how far does trust get us. Can you put a value on self-esteem because ultimately thats whats at risk. If trust/distrust leads you to not having fun then your taking life too seriously unless the pursuit of happiness is not a worthy path to follow. Sorry if it sounds dictatorial cant find the time to edit my opinion in neutral terms

Trust and re-gaining it relates specifically to the situation. Have they done this before? Can you tell they are genuinely remorseful? Listen carefully to their side of the story and weigh the validity.

Sometimes people just make mistakes. Things aren't always black and white.

Wow if all you people are serious about your philosophy and mistrust of others, it's gonna be a lonely, lonely life for you.

I find it's relatively easy to trust people, and to get people to trust me. And yes, I believe that the majority of people are good once you get past their initial defenses. We are all evolutionarily programmed to have a need and desire to align socially and sexually with other people, it is how we survive and perpetuate the species.

You have to get a couple of ideas into your mind first though.

#1. realize that we are all HUMAN. It's inevitable that someone is gonna muck up at some point, yourselves included. Once you realize this, it will make it easier to get over any violation of trust.

#2. If you're trust is violated, forgive but never forget. And if you feel like someone is gonna violate your trust, try to distance yourself emotionally from the person/ situation. Don't allow yourself to become emotionally involved.

hope this helps


[edit on 11/22/2009 by thehumbleone]

People are changing. Something that can change cannot be trusted. Trusting people is really a bitter pill to swallow indeed. Never trust someone especially who has the most "wonderful smile". And never trust someone who still has tongue inside his mouth and speak human language. Never trust someone who still has his hands to write something on a paper. I only trust my cats and my pets, at least they won't talk bad behind me. Blessings and Regards.

Ive actually thought alot about this over my life, since pretty much anyone ive ever know, family and otherwise, betrayed my trust at some point. But the answer is no, you cant trust everyone. At some point people are going to hurt you and thats just life. Its hard to learn to trust again but its also important. If you dont put yourself on the line because your afraid of someone betraying your trust, then you will miss out on alot of great things.

Also have to think, how many times have us ourselves betrayed someone elses trust. Chances are we did also at some point in our lives.

I think it's ok to trust until the trust is violated... then THATS IT GAME OVER PERIOD.

It's funny...I used to feel the same as the above.

But with age, for example, if my wife cheated on me...I'd be hurt, upset (mad as hell really), etc., but ultimately, I'd want to work it out. My biggest thing is that I'd wonder why she didn't feel she could talk to me about whatever it was that caused her to do that.

Luckily, she hasn't, and I don't think, ever would (and I haven't on her, for the record, either)...but I know there is one problem we have, that is difficult to discuss, because it always makes her feel bad, so neither of us want to talk about it...but as time goes on, it becomes more of an issue.

I love her enough to get past it though...and enough for me to resist temptations...and she puts up with my faults...

Still, if either of us strayed, I'd hope we have the strength to work it out.

I have a question, is it healthy to for someone in a new relationship to continue to talk with an old flame (no kids involved)?
Should we not worry about it and trust the person?
Why do people hold on to some old flames but not all of them? Is it just in case things don’t work out?
Real one or online ones, maybe if someone can figure this out some people might have a chance with relationships actually lasting.

Originally posted by BlackMustang
I have a question, is it healthy to for someone in a new relationship to continue to talk with an old flame (no kids involved)?
Should we not worry about it and trust the person?
Why do people hold on to some old flames but not all of them? Is it just in case things don’t work out?
Real one or online ones, maybe if someone can figure this out some people might have a chance with relationships actually lasting.

ANSWER-

To me Love, communication and trust is a key to a relationship. It is a circle that without all three there is no relationship. I feel to build one’s trust up there needs to be a good source of communication between the two that are in love. 110% honesty hide nothing from each other no secretes. I can’t stress this enough but everything should be open between love one’s. If someone is keeping quiet about something then it is because they are secretly doing something they know they shouldn’t be doing. What hurts most that they know it and try to keep it from their spouse.
Emotional infidelity can start at any time and so be careful and put more effort into communicating with the one you say you love if not you may need to ask yourself the question, do I really love them.
So if you can’t be 110% open (don’t hide anything) leave so they can find happiness else were.
And if they can’t be 110% open with you. You need to leave so you can find happiness.
To me love is putting your heart on the line and it is worth every moment shared, every feeling expressed, and every touch given.
Look into the eyes of the one you love and tell them how special they are and give them the same kiss you gave them when you first met <3