Originally posted by applebiter
They create nothing and steal everything, and call it cleverness. You tell me: is it sane to have to turn to pharmacology just to numb your mind to
the pain of this meaningless hamster wheel? Is it sane to live a meaningless life?
Very well said, Mr. Applebiter. I won't deny it (though I often feel hindered by it), I smoke pot every day. I go through a little over a pack of
cigarettes a day. I eat processed foods that make me feel tired and sluggish. I find myself compulsively drawn towards pretty girls or sexually
related things (to the extent that I question it's healthy nature).
I find myself, every day, attempting to self medicate into a sublime, comfortable stupor. When I was 15 I began having anxious sensations, that didnt
seem to tie to anything at the time. From those anxious feelings came my current addictions and vices.
I am quite literally numbing myself to the boredom and apparent uselessness of this "hampster wheel".. The Great Rat Race.
I have, for a very long time, been told I was different (by my Father). He called me the light, a very bright light, a king among men, etc... Things
that led me towards abstract thinking. We used to discuss all sorts of things.. God, science, quantum theory, demons/angels and everything in between.
It helped to cultivate a curiosity in me, and a sweet spot for the cosmically inclined. In all my curiosities, I began developing ideas (both from my
own insights and from those of others), many of which are closely related to Universal Consciousness and as I have seen you call it, "Godhead".
Well, in my oddball ponderings I found a bit of depression, and so after a time, went to see a doctor. This doctor was called a physcologist, but
openly professed her first love as pharmacology. She gave me a drug called Lamictal and told me it would remove my anxieties. A few months after
beginning it, and slowly increasing the dose, I noticed absences of my former personality. I became far less concerned with the things in my life that
I didn't understand. I just didn't care anymore. It didn't matter to me if I understood the unknown or not, all that mattered was that I was on
top. And that is how I acted. I became callous and careless with my words and thoughts. I had no initiative to control myself anymore. My only focus
became winning, and so that's what I did. I became overbearing in my interactions, and very arrogant. The drug, essentially, turned me from an
outwardly loving and generous individual who was extremely curious to a callous, careless and selfish being with no desire to grow or learn in any way
aside from that one which brought to me my continued distraction via drugs and or sex.
I stopped taking it the day I relised this. Went back for one more session, in which she tried to give me a different drug. I told her I'd not be
coming back for another session and haven't seen her, or any other psych doctor, since.
I do think we are born to be educated as simple minded beings. We are made to be less than we truly are. Every day, we are bombarded by the pretty
colors of marketing ads/products, overcome with the social precepts of modern society (consumerism, self worth based on consumerism/separation between
eachother) and craftily acted upon by media outlets and electronics corporations.
Combine television/cell phones/computers with drugs, sex and pretty colors (marketing) and you have one chilled out, lame and often dumb
But humans are not this way naturally, we are being bred into this state of sublime acceptance of a wasted time here.
To finish up with a corroboration with one of your earlier posts, yes, you are right.. We do have to take responsibility and initiative in this. We
must be disclosure. We must be evolution. We must work to grow our species (and every other ultimately) out of this slump of complacency and
ignorance. Props to you man, for assisting in this.