I do suggest you find a mental health practitioner for you problems, and try to find a rational reason for your symptoms... instead of letting
internet conspiracy sites fuel paranoia at your time off weakness.
Thanks Captain - I have been searching for a pyschotherapist I feel comfortable with for some time. I've only met one person I felt I could "open
up to" unreservedly about this whole scenario. This forum doesn't really substitute that option - it's just really a stab in the dark in hopes of
finding someone else who might have first or second hand knowledge of the subject.
Conspiracy doesn't interest me all that much, but I have found some parallels with certain techniques and terminology within the annals of those
Just to add, can you describe your symptoms in more depth? Sleep loss? Sudden weight loss? Etc...
The primary diagnosis was schizoaffective bipolar disorder - and I've read up on the subject intensively. In order to try and cultivate a more
holistic lifestyle, I abstain from intoxicants of all sorts and maintain a healthy diet. This seems to ease the onset of the symptoms.
The scenario usually begins with a decreased need for sleep (manic phase) and lasts about 3 days before I break down.
During these times I hear voices and suggestions in my head - mostly conversational and leading into rather elaborate role playing scenarios. Simple
stuff, very childlike in nature - high on the humor. Subjects are rarely very serious or deep for very long.
Unfortunately - I had a high propesnsity to lose myself in imaginary worlds - growing up and only child I played in my own head most of the time.
Always being the "new kid" at school didn't help much socially, so I turned to more intellectual and personal interests as opposed to trying to
integrate into the social structure.
I had a high tendancy towards disassociation early on - and now, in my adult years, I find that when I get taken back to this childish state of mind
it's a natural high. It's addictive in it's attractions.
About the third day in - generally, the story begins to increase in it's intensity - coming faster, all the thoughts and scenarios - and I go into
what I found to be termed "switching".
The easiest way to define this is if you have ever taken an acting class, there is sometimes a technique used to work the actors imagination the
teacher will ask them to do quick impersonations of various characters in various roles. "Be a tree"....(pause)..."be a concerned
parent"...pause..."policeman"...and so on like that for a few changes.
Now imagine that happening very quickly - the roles being called out to you happen so quickly, you barely have time to assume the first role before
you are called upon to do another. For thirty minutes or so.
This is where the initial "break" occurs. Too much, too fast.
After the mental collapse - I am in a completely childlike state. I understand the universe is benevolent, that all is right with the world, that
everything is as it should be.
Then, for some inexplicable reason - I am drawn outside to look around and interaxt with the world around me.
The last time this happened - I merely walked down to the convience store on a busy friday night. I had a compulsion to take my guitar with me. I
walked into the store, which was busting with activity - and decided maybe it was best to wait outside until the rush died down.
I was waiting out of the customer traffic zone (gas pumpers included) and standing on the corner patiently with my guitar slung over my back. After a
few minutes I looked back at the store and it was still very crowded. I decided my soda wasn't really that important to me and began walking
The next thing I knew, a police cruiser had pulled up and asked to see my identification. I handed my wallet over and without being able to
I was informed that I had been called in as a public disturbance. I could not protest and was so bewillered at how I was creating problems
I remained in stunned silence.
The officer noticed I was noncommunicative and could obviously tell I was "not in this world" at the moment. He called in an ambulance and was very
The whole time, I can't speak and I have no desire to protest. I'm in a trance of sorts. Just watching everything.
I've been some weird places....I'm just not sure how I should approach the details - with humor and I may not be taken seriously - in all
seriousness, and I'll lose the spirit or the events and encounters.
I guess the point I'm getting at is = it's not a bad thing for me. It's just bizzare and offbeat and part of me wonders if some of the places and
things I've been through really ecapsulates the REAL Sytem - not the paranoid "what's happening oh my god" sort of interpretation.
Did any of that make sense?
[edit on 5-3-2007 by GENERAL EYES]