WMD - The Ultimate Alternative!

I was reading an article about how the US is just now starting to destroy it's supply of Mustard Gas.

www.abovetopsecret.com...

It got me to thinking. Hmmmm, I said to myself, I guess it is a good thing to get rid of that Mustard Gas, but what will take it's place? What to do?
Then I started thinking some more, Hmmm, I said to myself, You know I'm really getting kind of hungry. Then I started thinking of Thanksgiving dinner, and how my family would sit around after dinner, belts unbuckled.... and WHAM! It hit me!

I think that all US troops should be fed a diet consisting of ONLY beans, cabbage, corn, and onion soup. Yep, every single meal, just those items. Well maybe throw in some broccolli, and asparagus once in awhile.
You send in a platoon of soldiers who've been on that diet for a couple of weeks, and man every single enemy target would go running for air! Who needs that stinkin' Mustard Gas anyway? Then I started thinking some more. Enemy soldiers would be afraid to shoot any of our troops. With all of that gas building up, any soldier shot would blow up like a bomb! Man, talk about the ultimate weapon!


Yeah, get rid of that Mustard gas, who needs it?

Well, I got to do some more thinking. See, I said to myself, that it might be a good idea to allow Burritos, or maybe a Chalupa on that menu too.
Wowzers, I just had another great thought. For real problem areas, have that entire division pop a bunch of ex-lax..... After a little while Ka-Boom! I bet that the presents left behind would rival any radioactive fallout....
I wonder what the half life of poop is?
I amaze myself sometimes!


[edit on 31-8-2006 by lombozo]

So I was doin' some more thinkin', So I say to myself, hard boiled eggs - oh yes, they definately need to be added to that menu. There is no enemy mighty enough to withstand such an assault.
I'm still investigating the half life thing.
Oh man, I just can't get my mind to sop thinkin'! If the danger level was so high that they did need to go to the dreaded Ex-Lax thing, they could line up a bunch of really big fans aimed at the enemy. You know what they say, when the s@*$t hits the fan....
Man, pure sweet genius at work here.

I just can't get my mind to stop all this deep thinkin'
I says to myself, you know, we got the menu down, and the Ex-lax doomsday device all perfected now. Could it get any better? I think a good idea would be to not let any troops never ever use deodorant. I just don't see how this alternative to WMD could get any better.
I hope the White House is reading this thread, they could sure learn something.

What if we falsely wrapped the ex-lax, in hershies wrappers and sent them to the enimy troops (we could say they were from Russia). Let them eat till their heart's desire. Here; take some for the girlfriend.

Originally posted by only onus
What if we falsely wrapped the ex-lax, in hershies wrappers and sent them to the enimy troops (we could say they were from Russia). Let them eat till their heart's desire. Here; take some for the girlfriend.

Wow, someone else who can do some deep thinkin'! Pure genius there onus!

So I'm sittin' here doin' some more thinkin'.......
Hmmmm, I says to myself, I designed the perfect diet, the Ex-Lax doomsday device, and the B.O. backup to replace the Mustard Gas - how could it get any better?
So I did some more thinkin' and I says to myself, remember in school when a kid would throw up in the hallways and the whole school would smell forever......
Oh man this is good stuff.
Well, every soldier should be given a set of rubber gloves, so on command the entire division could put on that glove and shove their fingers down their throats.
Man this is some GREAT thinkin'! Does anyone have Rumsfelds email address - I gotta get this thinkin' into his hands......

I was sittin' here doin' some more thinkin. I says to myself, hey make the soldiers all eat lots of garlic too! That way when you catch an enemy soldier, our soldiers could talk to him, like real close to his face. He'd be singin' like a canary in no time!

Simply amazin'!

So, I'm sittin' here doin' some deep thinkin'. Hmm, I says to myself, what could possibly make this plan any better. The diet, the Ex Lax doomsday device, the BO Stench cloud, the garlic interrogation tactics - man that is some really good stuff!

So I'm thinkin' real hard when I start to think of my pet dog Baastuhd. I don't know why, but my neighbors all look at me funny when I talk to Baastuhd. Like if he's barking and I go out on the porch and yell "Shut up Baastuhd!", or "Hey Baastuhd, get over here.", or "Stop it Baastuhd", or "Go in and eat Baastuhd."
When BAM! It hit me. Every time I feed Baastuhd hot dogs, in about an hour - he's tootin' away. He always looks at his rear end when he toots with this really surprised look on his face, and let me tell you he can clear out a room by himself!
Oh man this is some good thinkin'!
Have a whole bunch of K-9's eat a bunch of hot dogs, and BAM you got guided missiles!
It just can't get any better!

The new Weapon of Mass Destruction?




He's just waiting to kill. Look at his blood thirst!

We need to raise an army of them, now! before our enemy does!

Originally posted by WolfofWar
The new Weapon of Mass Destruction?




He's just waiting to kill. Look at his blood thirst!

We need to raise an army of them, now! before our enemy does!

Now that's some really deep thinkin'! Maybe I'll go buy an aquarium, and start growin' a couple of them.
Pure genius!

So, I'm sittin' here doin' some more thinkin'.......
I really like the idea of feedin' those K-9's all those hot dogs. I brushed my dog Baastuhd extra good for givin' me that good thinkin' idea!

I've seen in the paper, that stock in the local baked bean company just went up! I wonder if the government listened when I called the White House? The lady there was impressed with my thinkin'. She kept sayin' stuff like:
"I can't believe that you called."
"What made you think of that?"
"Yeah, you're a real genius allright."
"I think I'm going to send someone over to pick you up."

Now how's that for impressive?

So, I had a chance to do alot of thinkin'......
After I hung up with the White House, this really nice black van pulled up in front of my house. It was so cool! It had tinted windows and everything!
Two guys got out, and knocked on the door. Even though it was night out, they were wearing these really cool sunglasses. Man I wish I had a pair of sunglasses like that! They really didn't talk very much. I said "Man I wish I could see the inside of that cool van." Guess what? They offered to take me for a ride in that cool van! We drove a long time, and they took me to a really cool place. It was at the end of a really long dark tunnel, and it felt like we were going downhill the whole time. There were lots of guys wearin' those really cool sunglasses and all.
They were so cool! They brought me into a room with a really big mirror on the wall. Yep, that was a really big mirror hangin' on that wall. They even gave me a glass of water!
Next thing I know someone comes in with a couple of guys behind him. This guy was the only one not wearin' those cool sunglasses. This guy kept squintin', so the light must have been hurtin' his eyes. That light didn't hurt my eyes though.
So I start talkin' to this guy, and he's askin' me all kinds of questions about my thinkin'. He kept stammerin', and stutterin' when we talked. He asked me where I lived, and I said I used to live in Florida, but now I live in Ohio, and he chuckled to himself. Then he asked me if I voted in the last 2 elections. Then he laughed, and said under his breath, "Not that voting really matters anyway." So we talked, and this man can't do any thinkin' at all.
But you want to know something really cool. This guy is settin' up a huntin' trip with me and someone named Cheney. Man, I can't wait to go huntin'!

So I'm sittin' here doin' some