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Don't Get Caught On The Toilet When Jesus Comes Back!

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posted on Jul, 22 2006 @ 01:28 AM
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The title says it all! Is this real? I truly could not read more than 3 lines.

Looksie here...

www.landoverbaptist.org...


McP




posted on Jul, 22 2006 @ 01:33 AM
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Our Lord will wonderfully and gloriously destroy every single unsaved person on this so-called "Planet Earth." Praise His name!


So much for loving your neighbor as yourself



posted on Jul, 22 2006 @ 01:36 AM
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Originally posted by RetinoidReceptor

Our Lord will wonderfully and gloriously destroy every single unsaved person on this so-called "Planet Earth." Praise His name!


So much for loving your neighbor as yourself


You actually got that far with this #? Tell me, is there a spot at the end for your credit card details?

PS. That was well picked out by you!



posted on Jul, 22 2006 @ 01:38 AM
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It's satire.

Extreme holy roller satire..

But...Its' funny.



posted on Jul, 22 2006 @ 01:43 AM
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Wow I just got done reading it. Um...Hopefully it is a shock site or joke...I wonder if they sold any? Wow...


End quote

All True Christians® know that if a boy touches himself, even in the shower, he is a homosexural. So just shut up about it and accept the fact that you are going to burn in HELL FOR ALL ETERNITY!


Wow I want to join this place hehe



posted on Jul, 22 2006 @ 01:45 AM
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hahaha, you guys are funy. landoverbaptist is the onion of religious sites. it's a joke site.



posted on Jul, 22 2006 @ 01:45 AM
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Ha ha, I just read a paragraph and realised how tongue in cheek it is. Feel stupid now looking at the first post. Must drink less..........must drink less.....mu



posted on Jul, 22 2006 @ 08:33 AM
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That article sickened me,

Darned Hypochristians, Knocking down others so that they can feel like they are better.. enough to be saved...lmao.. If there is a God/Jesus then I am sure that they would not appreciate other people putting words in their mouth. I am not sure if the article couldve been more bigoted, ignorant, false than it was.. but they sure as hell gave it a good shot.

absolute rubbish. As if god was going to send you to hell for taking a crap!!!! He is the one that supposedly gave us our bodies complete with removal of waste.

they even said this:

He cares enough to put a little check mark in His book whenever He sees you touch your tallywacker! Don't ever waste your time trying to explain things to Jesus, you little sissy! You'll just give Him a big old belly laugh! All True Christians® know that if a boy touches himself, even in the shower, he is a homosexural. So just shut up about it and accept the fact that you are going to burn in HELL FOR ALL ETERNITY! "Fantasizing" about the "body parts" of female sluts is never an excuse! Since a boy is touching a male unmentionable member, that makes him HOMOSEXURAL! That is why a man who touches his devil snake while urinating is damned to an everlasting Hell. Some lazy housewives complain about the mess when their husband doesn't guide his privates while eliminating liquid waste, but I would much rather have to sponge off a plastic toilet seat or silk flower arrangement over the tank four times a day than spend eternity without my Christian husband in Glory.


If you masterbate you are a hommosexual? OMGI cannot even believe this is for real.

it gets better



Don't Get Caught On The Toilet When Jesus Comes Back!

BY LANDOVER LADY: JUDY O'CHRISTIAN

True Christian® friends, we know that Jesus is only moments away from making His appearance here on Earth. When He finally shows up, He will not be sharing His unconditional love with any liberal, Boodist, demoncrat, Mary Worshipper, or any other unsaved person. They will be discarded like trash and shipped off to be dumped into the lake of fire where they will burn forever. Our Lord will wonderfully and gloriously destroy every single unsaved person on this so-called "Planet Earth." Praise His name! And thank God for the unconditional love He shares with everyone who does exactly what He says.

Friends, I just want to make sure that you realize if you are sitting on the toilet when Jesus comes back, and His sweet face peeks into the bathroom, to find you there, He could turn His back on you forever! What an UNGODLY position to be in! Jesus ain't gonna rapture anyone with their pants hanging down by their ankles. Shame on you! He is not coming back to endure the evil smells you make in the bathroom either! Jesus will NOT tolerate the stink of your asparagus-tainted urine, nor will His heavenly nostrils bear the scent of your stools! He shouldn't have to!


So if your taking a pee or poo when jesus comes back he will send you to hell....roflmao... unbelievable.. I cannot believe there are people in the world that are THIS FRICKIN STUPID!.. I dont care if this gets me a warning it will be worth it.

I have all but given up on humanity at this point. The world is filling up with total stupidity.

Waiter, check please.!

*EDIT- Addition

If this website was a joke- please disregard my entire post...lol

[edit on 22-7-2006 by TONE23]



posted on Jul, 26 2006 @ 04:09 AM
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at the attitudes that some people get caught in as they try to follow/find Jesus...
see it's sister site for more laughs...
whitehouse.org...
the info on the sites seems to change at the begining of the month...sooo bookmark and have your monthly laugh !

Lolove n luck ! ave maria ! Old JC got the best sense of Humor.......Mercyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyes ty...Infinity

[granted, some of the stuff on the sites may be offensive to some people, many pardons but 'their theology' is 'hip' ] [ don't care for some of their stuff but lot of nice ideas/humor on the sites, imo] lol



posted on Jul, 28 2006 @ 08:24 AM
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thanks georgejohn,

I wasnt sure. I have actually met people like this before!
I guess thats why I missed the humor. Thanks again for the clarification.



posted on Jul, 28 2006 @ 08:45 AM
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somebody beat me to the whitehouse site....

Add em to your favorites along with Theonion.com, Recoilmag.com, etc...



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