Why so many single mothers?

99% of the last 100 women who I have known to have given birth are all SINGLE MOTHERS.

Is there some kind of social breakdown? Conspiracy?

Am I seeing a fluke?


Is this normal?

I understand that humans are "whores" but wouldn't having a child bring people together? I was raised to beleive that having a child was something sacred between a man and a woman.

What's going on?

[edit on 9-7-2006 by ImplementOfWar]

probable cause of "OPEN LEG SYNDROME."

Lots of men just like to ditch their girlfriends once they get pregnant because they don't want the responsibility.

To a certain point, it is part of the male biological makeup. In the wild, in most cases, the male fathers the children and usually immediately leaves the scene. In humans, I think this is a big part.

But I also think that what separates us, as humans, from the rest of the animals is that we have the ability to know right from wrong and make moral decisions, regardless of the impact on the natural scheme because we have risen to live above that scheme.

I think there are many, many loyal husbands and boyfriends out there... many more than some would have us believe. I think those that leave are only succumbing to their primal instincts that used a long time ago. They're not developing into what the rest of the human species has become, which is above all that primal stuff.

Single-motherhood is far more a reflection of society than of women who become single-mothers.

After all, motherhood is simply the natural result of sexual intercourse.

Apart from rare virgin-births, a child is the result of male and female coupling.

Two. Two people have sex: one male, one female.

One person becomes pregnant and of necessity, that person is the female-half of the coupling.

Generally, both parties are aware that sexual activity may result in pregnancy.

In the case of single-motherhood, neither party was prepared to take responsibility for contraception. If either the male or female had used contraception, there would have been no baby.

So what we're seeing is unwillingness on the part of both men and women, to take responsibility for their actions. And this is not new: it's been going on for hundreds of thousands of years.

As Shakespeare said: ' It's a wise man who knows his own father'. A lot of us were raised by men who were not our fathers -- just as many of our biological fathers' children were raised by other men.

Society has chosen to become more tolerant of illegitimacy. Only a few decades ago, illegitimacy, unwed mothers, were considered shameful. Unwed mothers were stigmatised. Their babies were often taken from them shortly after birth. Their reputations were permanently tarnished. They were considered 'low'. Their prospects were greatly reduced.

Still today, it is unwed mothers and their children who bear the brunt of society's scorn. Just as women have been blamed for mens' mistakes since the beginning of time.

For every illegitimate child in our society, there is also an 'un-wed' father. That needs to be stressed.

And what of those un-wed fathers? They zip up their jeans, walk away whistling and five minutes later they're in a pool-hall, or hitching a lift out of town --- or back safely in their own cosy home with their legal wives and children.

There are very few men who have not left at least one illegitimate child in their wake. Some make a habit of it. Some make a hobby of it.

The fate of illegitimate children has never been easy. Some, desperate for male attention and affection, fall victim to pedophiles. Others are consigned to poverty, ill-treatment, lack food, clothing, education and spend their entire lives as the butt of other's cruelty and scorn. Others end their own sad and lonely lives. Some gain a step-father who treats them as 'second class'. Many fail at school through no fault of their own. Often, illegitimate children are hated and blamed by their mothers.

Every child deserves the love and support of two parents; deserves a home and a place in society.

Why aren't parents teaching their sons and their daughters about the fate of illegitimate children?

Why aren't parents taking their sons aside and ensuring they understand
* sex is not always love
* sex for its own sake is not necessarily 'bad', but it IS a moral-crime to irresponsibly put a baby on this planet unless you intend to cherish and support it ... full-time ... for a minimum of 21 years
* contraception is essential EACH and EVERY time one engages in sexual-activity UNLESS you are engaging in such activity for the purposes of creating a future human-being
* a MAN repays his debts, ALWAYS ... and especially to an innocent baby who didn't ask to be born and who was born through no fault of its own

And parents should take their daughters aside and ensure they understand that their sexual-organs were not provided them ONLY in order they could 'please' a man or themselves. Sexual organs are a responsibility. Utilizing them irresponsibly could very well result in half a dozen blameless children being forced to live a life of misery.

Ultimately, the blame for the un-wed mothers and fathers of today (and their unfortunate offspring) can be placed squarely upon the shoulders of their own parents.

Parenthood entails far more than supplying dollies and hamburgers and trainers and music-lessons. Parenthood also embraces grandparenthood. When you have a child, you also carry the weight of responsibility for the future children of your own child.

The day governments introduce heavy penalties for producing illegitimate children, is the day men and women will suddenly decide to use contraception.

Well here in the UK it could just have something to do with the rise in a lot of women binge drinking and getting off thier faces most nights. Usualy leads so something does'nt it?

CX.

I agree completely with what dock6 said. To add to his synapsis, i will state that most parents now do not even want teh responsibilty of their kids much less themselves. A good amount of society blames anything they can for anything and everything that goes wrong in their life.

On a side note my 2 of my sister in laws have hit the bottom of this spectrum. 1 has 5 kids (from 2 differnt dads) is over 30 and still lives with her parents and has no job. The other one has 2 and one on the way (from 3 different fathers) and also lives with her parents. She at least has a job though... but usually buys clothes and crap. I have already told my wife that i will not get down to visit her parents due to the uncontralable kids and the unaacountability from their parents. (kids walking around in underwear, trash all over the place, fighting and parents that will not discipline). This again is all due to parents not teaching kids responisbilty for their actions.

Sorry for the rant, just trying to give a real world example of dock6's explanation.

Wow. I'm not sure which offends me more. The "humans are whores", "open leg syndrome", or the total sterotype of males. Yes there are a lot of unwed mothers, but you can't say "Most men." I have a daughter who is going to be raised by another man. I was married to her mother, and I love her to death, but our marriage didn't work out. Instead of staying in it "for the children" and making us both miserable, I chose to end it. Yes there are a lot of men that have illegitimate children, and who don't take responsibility, but how does that equate to "most"?

Originally posted by ImplementOfWar
99% of the last 100 women who I have known to have given birth are all SINGLE MOTHERS.

Is there some kind of social breakdown? Conspiracy?

Am I seeing a fluke?


Is this normal?

I understand that humans are "whores" but wouldn't having a child bring people together? I was raised to beleive that having a child was something sacred between a man and a woman.

What's going on?

[edit on 9-7-2006 by ImplementOfWar]

What people are you hanging around. 99 out of 100 women? You must be in the projects, dude.

Most guys I know do not want to have kids and do not wish to be in a relationship with the women they sired them with. They often make up excuses as to why they dont bother seeing or taking part in their kids lives. Lame excuses to try and absolve themselves of the guilt.

Then theres a number of guys who arent bothered by the idea of having kids and would like to be around them. But the women do not want them around for some reason, or use the kids as some sort of torture tool against the man to break him.

But I must be honest, and say that in my experience, most men wanted nothing to do with kids nor wanted to father them, and often deserted the woemn after impregnanting them or hassled them into getting abortions. I honestly can say that I have seen few men who were actually quite delighted to discover they were going to be fathers. Many of them instead wanted to desperately find ways out of the predicament.

I suppose its just our modern day society and the de-emphasis on family life.

Originally posted by Dock6
In the case of single-motherhood, neither party was prepared to take responsibility for contraception. If either the male or female had used contraception, there would have been no baby.
So what we're seeing is unwillingness on the part of both men and women, to take responsibility for their actions. And this is not new: it's been going on for hundreds of thousands of years.

I can partially agree with you there. BUT, there are plenty of cases where the mother was on birth control, or the father used a condom but she still got pregnant. Condoms break, and the pill doesn't always work. My own mother accidently got pregnant with my brother and sister while on the pill. (It was with my dad, they were married at the time.) She took it every day like she was supposed to, but got pregnant anyway. So it's not necessarily true that a woman can only get pregnant if neither she nor the man used contraceptives of some sort. Even I got pregnant while on the pill.

There are very few men who have not left at least one illegitimate child in their wake. Some make a habit of it. Some make a hobby of it.

Can't agree with you there. I don't know where you got your information from, but I know a lot of guys that either I or my husband are friends with and the majority of them do not have illegitimate children. Actually, I can't think of one that does have an illegitimate child. You really shouldn't make such grand generalizations...

The fate of illegitimate children has never been easy. Some, desperate for male attention and affection, fall victim to pedophiles. Others are consigned to poverty, ill-treatment, lack food, clothing, education and spend their entire lives as the butt of other's cruelty and scorn. Others end their own sad and lonely lives. Some gain a step-father who treats them as 'second class'. Many fail at school through no fault of their own. Often, illegitimate children are hated and blamed by their mothers.

Where on earth are you getting your information from? Yes, it's true that some illegitimate children, fall victim to pedophiles. But, not all children who end up molested, poor, or starving are illegitimate, some of those children are legitimate.

And I agree that parents need to talk with their children about all of the potential consequences of sex. The "talk" should include the potential of pregnancy and all that it entails, not just the parts about STD's.

Ultimately, the blame for the un-wed mothers and fathers of today (and their unfortunate offspring) can be placed squarely upon the shoulders of their own parents.

No, the blame for unwed mothers and fathers is squarely upon the shoulders of the unwed mothers and fathers. If you are old enough to be having sex and getting pregnant or getting someone else pregnant, you are old enough to start taking responsibility for your actions. With the exception of rape cases, no one is forcing these unwed parents to have children. If your not using birth control of some sort, and you get pregnant it's your own fault not your parents. If you are using birth control, and still get pregnant then it's still partially your fault. If you aren't ready for a baby use condoms and the pill. (Or the patch, or the shot, etc. etc.) And even then it's still possible, unlikely but still possible, to get pregnant. But in no way does two people having sex and creating a baby have anything to do with their parents.

In response to the original post, having a child should be sacred but it's not always that way. Children aren't planned most of the time anymore. Having a child together does not always mean the parents love each other and want to be together forever. It's normal in today's society to have single parents. There's no conspiracy, or social breakdown.

Originally posted by ImplementOfWar
99% of the last 100 women who I have known to have given birth are all SINGLE MOTHERS.

Is there some kind of social breakdown? Conspiracy?

What's going on?

[edit on 9-7-2006 by ImplementOfWar]

Because we have been told a LIE, since we were children, we are told that we are the product of evolution, that we are nothing more than a glorified monkey. So if we are an animal why not act like one. Animals can't control their sexual urges so if I'm an animal I might as well act like one, after all it's not my fault.

That's the problem!

Now the truth is, we are not an animal, we are different from an animal, we are made in the image of God. Through Christ we can have self control, we can be faithful, we can wait until marriage. We can have patience and pick the person we intend to stay with and raise a family. We can know that kids are a responsibilty. They are dependent on parents, so we have someone counting on us, if we mess up we are affecting the future. This job of parenting lasts a lifetime. This goes for men and women.

Originally posted by dbrandt
Because we have been told a LIE, since we were children, we are told that we are the product of evolution, that we are nothing more than a glorified monkey. So if we are an animal why not act like one. Animals can't control their sexual urges so if I'm an animal I might as well act like one, after all it's not my fault.

Actually, I'd say that humans have more of a problem controlling their sexual urges than any other species in the animal kingdom. Think about it for a minute. How many species do you know that have porn stores, sex for any reason other than reproduction, and have members that rape other members? I can only think of one. Humans. Someone please correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure we are the only ones who do things like that. I can't think of a single species, besides humans, that have sex when they aren't trying to reproduce. To me, that makes it seem like animals have better control over their sexual urges than we do.

Now the truth is, we are not an animal, we are different from an animal, we are made in the image of God. Through Christ we can have self control, we can be faithful, we can wait until marriage. We can have patience and pick the person we intend to stay with and raise a family. We can know that kids are a responsibilty. They are dependent on parents, so we have someone counting on us, if we mess up we are affecting the future. This job of parenting lasts a lifetime. This goes for men and women.

If we are not animals, why do we share so many dna sequences in common with chimps? If we have self-control, why do some people rape other people? Why do we kill each other for fun? Why do we kill each other for any reason other than to protect our young or ourselves? Why do we have a tendency to destroy that which we don't understand or don't like? If we are faithful, why do so many mothers have to get DNA testing done for their children? Why doesn't anyone trust anyone else? If we have patience and can wait till marriage, why do we have so many unwed parents? I'm not sure that you answered that question in your post.

The more we allow the breakdown of moral values and society in general and encourage (or at the very least no longer frown on) behavior once considered outside of the norm it's an inevitable progress in my opinion. Both the men and women involved must shoulder the blame for their behavior. Young men need to start realizing that a MAN takes responsibility for his actions, and young women that opening your legs at every available opportunity has consequences.

In the town where I use to live and entire housing estate of 1000 houses was full of singles mothers. It got to almost pandemic proportions in that estate where the young girls growing up saw this as the 'way to behave' and it perpetuated a cycle that was only stopped when they shipped everyone out and demolished the entire estate.

It’s a pretty safe bet this post will offend people, but let's face facts..... 'Normal' behavior ceased quite a long time ago. Add to this the taking away of many parents rights to chastise a child (I'm not talking about hitting kids here BTW!), and the children that are a product of single parent families (as well as ones from two parent ones lets not forget) will help to drag our society down further and further.

I think it’ll end one of two ways. Firstly there will be a public reaction of sorts against behavior such as this, or secondly every politician on the planet will try and brush it under the rug as no one will vote for a politician who wishes to curb their 'fun'.

I'm not a religious man at all, and neither am I a hothead or someone who types a post such as this lightly. I think it’s very sad that things are turning from bad to worse. Maybe its getting older that colors my vision, but I doubt it. All I hear from other people is about this problem; the people on the 'other side' as it were don't think it IS a problem to live life like this. If your one of these people just remember, that bringing a life into this world is a great responsibility and your actions now can reflect later on in your child’s life.

A child is a gift not a right. The happiest day of my life was when my son was born. Both my partner and I made a responsible decision to have a child when we could support it comfortably and when we felt we were prepared enough as people. I simply wish more people would think of the many consequences before having sex in either an unstable relationship or with a stranger.

Wayne...

we are the "me" generation, everything revolves around "me".....in relationships, many times the "me" has to be sacrificed for the "us". parenting often requires that same sacrifice. we just aren't as willing to give up the "me".

I dont live in the projects.

My town has a population of 15,000. The average income is 50,000. The average household income is 100,000.

My town is 98% white. It's not a minority thing. It's not a poor thing.

[edit on 9-7-2006 by ImplementOfWar]

Contraception doesn't always work. I got pregnant while on the pill.

Why does having a child as a single woman mean that you are contributing to the breakdown of society? There are many single mothers out there who are great mothers and raising great children.

Relationships don't always work out, and I believe that a child can have a good relationship with both parents even if they aren't together, as long as both parents are willing to take an active roll in the childs life. There are plenty married couples with children as well who are bad parents.

[edit on 9-7-2006 by snowflake_obsidian]

To many state handouts for them

Originally posted by Jenna
have better control over their sexual urges than we do.

If we have self-control, why do some people rape other people? Why do we kill each other for fun? Why do we kill each other for any reason other than to protect our young or ourselves? Why do we have a tendency to destroy that which we don't understand or don't like? If we are faithful, why do so many mothers have to get DNA testing done for their children? Why doesn't anyone trust anyone else? If we have patience and can wait till marriage, why do we have so many unwed parents? I'm not sure that you answered that question in your post.

You skipped over the 2 most important words in my post 'through Christ'. If you have Christ as Savior and Lord that's when you have self control and can live right. The majority do not have Him, that is why things are like they are.

I think it's the demise of society as a whole,the children these days are from the "me" generation,as well as baby boomers,now it seems socially acceptable to be an unwed mother,I'm from the old school,sometimes things get rough now the thing to do is bail out of a relationship,I too had to raise 4 kids on my own as their mother had to find herself,now she is shocked the children have no respect for her

Originally posted by dbrandt

You skipped over the 2 most important words in my post 'through Christ'. If you have Christ as Savior and Lord that's when you have self control and can live right. The majority do not have Him, that is why things are like they are.

Religion has nothing to do with it. There are many people who do believe in Christ who have no self-control and are single parents and do drugs and stuff like that. Just like their are members of other religions who have self-control.

Oldtimer, I do understand that there are a lot of people that leave a relationship at the slightest hint of a small problem and don't try to work it out. However I feel that if someone is truly unhappy and has tried to work it out, then they should get out. I just feel that if you are really unhappy then your children are going to pick up on that unhappiness. Also staying in an unhappy relationship is living a lie. I wouldn't want to teach my children that living a lie is ok.

There are a lot of single parents who are selfish and not taking good care of their children, however there are parents who are still together that are selfish and not taking good care of their children either. I also know a lot of single mothers who are doing a fine job of taking care of their kids.