Is it unfaithful to have a secret but non-sexual relationship over the Internet?

I personally haven't been involved in this kinda situation but I've talked to people that have in the past. At the same time I'm not a person to criticize someone for doing what they do but I think that to a certain point I would consider that being unfaithful. Most of the guys I've talked to were in relationships and from my standpoint all was going well for them. Which in turn made me wonder why they were doing such a thing. I would hope that they would have been able to express their needs to their s/o. As we all know though different people have different issues so I won't generalize and say all people who do this are wrong.

Just as a general consensus do you think It is unfaithful to have a secret but non-sexual relationship over the Internet?

If its something you have to keep secret the answer is clear....IMO

Well, I guess this situation would only pertain to what kind of relationship that he/she has. I don't think I'd like it if my s/o was doin' this kind of thing whether it's a secret or not and vice versa. There shouldn't be anything in a strong relationship that both individuals can't openly discuss (note I put strong relationship) but even then I'm still not saying it's the right thing to do even if the relationship is bad. This can work in two ways I suppose ~ for any relationship that is open and understanding this sort of thing shouldn't take place but for one that isn't all that great something like this might be expected all though not desired.

But, I understand your viewpoint King ~

[edit on 4-2-2006 by TheDayAfter]

Originally posted by TheDayAfter
Well, I guess this situation would only pertain to what kind of relationship that he/she has.

Uhhh no that's being unfaithful period. There is no grey area regarding secrecy and trust in a relationship.

I am with ImJaded 100%

All I got to say is When Harry Met Sally Nothing else need be said.

I'm speaking from experience and I'm not proud of it.

Secret relationships sexual, non-sexual, whatever, are more trouble than they are worth and usually end up with feelings being hurt by all those concerned.

A relationship doesn't have to sexual to be inappropriate.

Anytime you are aware that you're primary loyalties are eroding, or you're being invited to alter them, then that relationship is at risk.

Keeping secret your feelings is a primary clue. Anytime you experience passion or giddiness your mate doesn't know about, something is wrong.

When the inter-library loan called to say that the book I had requested was unavailable from all other sources, but that Miskatonic University's Library had loaned me their original copy for two weeks, the first thing I did was call Frau Dr.

Elation and giddiness are things your share with your soul-mate; not hide from them.

.

To be really blunt about it, who really cares about sex, it's not too hard to come by.
The passion in a relationship comes from the non-sexual side of things, sharing feelings, moments and simply their company. Sex really isn't the most meaningful part.
So to surmise, yes, it is being unfaithful. It doesn't seem too bad, but how would you feel knowing that your partner had someone else on their mind as much as you have your partner on your mind?

Originally posted by kinglizard
If its something you have to keep secret the answer is clear....IMO

yes I second that.

No point talking about it really. I found someone on the internet, who's like me, except female. Like me in almost everyway, bar way prettier then thou. It's queer. It's cool to chat to folk over the internet, but as long as it's platonic, then your good and should have a clear conscience.

The term "unfaithful" has troubled me for years. It implies some sort of ownership of another person. It implies that one person has to gain permission from another person to relate to yet a third person.
So, if you do not have permission from your owner then it is prima facie wrong to have a relationship with any other person on the planet.
I am aware that there are people, even today, when there is enough education around the globe to include third world countries, who own other perple in spite of the obvious abuse such a relationship assures. Slavery, however, is patently wrong, always and in every circumstance.
Therefore, if you are not a slave, owned by another or if someone thinks they own you and you are man or woman enough to refute this abusive relationship then you may freely have relationships with others.
People, especiaslly men but women also fall victim to possessive feelings, based most often in inadequasies, treat sex as a special form of ownership.
I say if you are normal and many people are, it is not only OK to have relationships with others, it is required for happiness. Most often this does not include the sex act but may include a substitute such as banter related to sex in some way.
So, slave = needs permission.
Free person = needs no such permission because there is no one to grant it but the free self.
Personally, I think the whole idea of "faithfulness (euphimism for the missassumption of assumed ownership, that it is) is rediculous and important only to the insecure.
How can we like someone if we do not have a relationship with them, on the net or otherwise.
Care, however, must be taken because if a spouse or significant other is jealous, they are most likely inadequate and can be dangerous when threatened.
Relate away and be sure that if you are sold into slavery it is your obligation to escape at the first opportunity.
Freedom! It is also your obligation to pursue happiness, it's even in the Constitution, not, however, at the expense of the freedom of others.
skep

Well, i'm probably the oldest in this bunch. I am married, so is my husband.

If its just friendly conversation AND NOTHING ELSE, i suppose its alright.

I have done it- (not from any tasteless website either) and after awhile you get bored and you lose contact and thats it. Then they send a picture,
:shk:. You delete it and get on with your life.

We talk to many people here and everyone is always respectful. I guess its all what people intend to do with a simple conversation.

Originally posted by dgtempe

I have done it- (not from any tasteless website either) and after awhile you get bored and you lose contact and thats it. Then they send a picture,

:shk:. You delete it and get on with your life.

We talk to many people here and everyone is always respectful. I guess its all what people intend to do with a simple conversation.

ahhh U make me laugh lady, and you're on point.


It's definitely all about the intentions of each.

My other half says yes it is, so I have to go with her. What she says goes, and if she tells me it is, then it is.

I understand the slavery point that has been made = freedom

But, I really feel if you are intimately chatting with someone, that it equates to me like having an affair. This is probably farout but I would prefer if I had a partner that he had a one night stand rather than a long drawn out chatty friendship. I would be more devastated I think. I think the level of betrayal runs much deeper.

A guy asked me if I were single a little while ago...I said 'hey, aren't you married?' he replied 'yes'...I was like 'wtf are you asking me for then?' then he went on to winge about his marriage. I really wanted to slap him...'winge to your wife you cheating so and so'.

I have chatted online with some people who go from being single to actually being in a relationship...that is just down right deceitful. Different if it is simple chat but if that conversation turns to winging about your present relationship...like sussing the scene or some ego boost... then I think that is wrong.

I would feel betrayed. It's not honest...and imagine how the other person would feel if they dont know your unhappy or not getting all you need when they are oblivious. A relationship relies on honesty...

Originally posted by NJE777
I understand the slavery point that has been made = freedom

But, I really feel if you are intimately chatting with someone, that it equates to me like having an affair. This is probably farout but I would prefer if I had a partner that he had a one night stand rather than a long drawn out chatty friendship. I would be more devastated I think. I think the level of betrayal runs much deeper.

Oh god I feel like I'm confessing..
Okay.. the guy was way too old for me, on the other side of the planet, too married so that served as a nice failsafe from complication. Yeah right. We were both off limits and thats how we wanted it.. it seemed as though we were trying to teach ourselves the distinction between man/woman and human being and wantd to base the friendship on that alone. We found a 'safe' friendship and we were on the same wavelength to the point where it got really spookie. We NEVER talked about sex [ie talked dirty], personal/domestic issues [well I did- he did the mentor thing] or anything inappropriate.. [we had ground rules] and we NEVER taked about our feelings for eachother. That was a no-no [we skimmed over it a bit at the end which was a red flag for me]. It was mainly philosophy, the media [propaganda], god, the paranormal, psychology, humanity, existence.. come to think of it I joined here when I walked away to fill the void. [bit sad I know]
The reason I walked away was because I realised that the friendship was getting too deep and I worried that it was serving as a bandaid for whatever 'connection' he lacked in RL.. not good for the ego. I was also starting to realise how much of a secret I actually was.. I hadn't realised and that pissed me off for so many reasons.. it kind of made me the 'other woman' which is something I never intended to be nor would ever follow through on. The main reason I let go because it was getting difficult, I really didn't want to lose my friend but it was inevitable. Always got to be careful.. even when sex isn't an issue.. love is built on friendship so assuming sex is off limits isn't going to prevent 'love' [I prefered to call it 'attachment'] from developing. I think this is the trap people fall into as RL is filled with so much illusion.. we thrive on it and even though the net is filled with bs people are more enclined to be their true selves and are attracted to other minds they can identify with rather than the masks we wear to the outside world day in day out. Harry met Sally was a good point.. some platonic frienships can be very successful.. others.. if there is any hint of romance from either side.. it's doomed. I failed to realise the 'male' complication which was.. sex is always an issue.
Women have two lists.. friends and potential overs. Men generally [dislciamer there are always exceptions] only have one.. who'd they liked to do most and who they'd like to do the least.
He didn't even say goodbye. Sei la vi [hey I know that probably spelt wrong but it's apt].

My advice.. if you are lacking something in life and find it on the net.. go for it. If you have commitments that are unfulfilling though.. face them and figure them out before trying to escape them on the net.

[edit on 6-2-2006 by riley]

I completely agree with those above who said that if it needs to be secret, then yes it's unfaithful.

My personal opinion is that any kind of secret that you feel you absolutely must keep from your partner is a bad thing. I feel bad if I intentionally don't tell my s/o that I bought a coke and didn't get her one (yeah, I'm probably a bit on the extreme as far as examples go...)

If someone can't get what they need from their partner, and it's so bad that they need to get outside "assistance", it needs to be discussed. Keeping it secret ain't good--I've been there and tried that. Definitely wasn't worth it. It's much better to try and talk it out, even if it means ending the relationship, than trying to either hide it or make up for it after the fact. Tore me up trying to hide it, and still two years later we're nowhere near the same level of trust we'd had.

Granted, this wasn't a chat-room romance I was involved in, but it's definitely similar. What you're talking about isn't quite as serious as my situation, but it's the same underlying principles.

Hiding something certainly can be dishonest but I think calling it unfaithful is a stretch. I have been unfaithful and its a much much bigger deal than anything that can done online. Not saying that it's ok, dishonesty is bad for a relationship but it isnt the same as having sex with someone for real.

I dont understand why anybody would want to have a online relationship to start with. Unless you have a webcam you cant see a persons body language which says more then words can. I could type anything into MSN Messenger.
How would you know if I was lying or not ?

True.
How do you know if a person is lying on MSN?
The answer. YOU DON"T KNOW!
I have several friends on line that I chat to.( Maybe they are freaks/preverts).
I dont know.
I have gotten to know them and their lifestyles. Some know me so well as they can sense in the writing of my words if I'm not ok.I really like some of the people I chat with. Some are female and male.
It is easy to have sex on line. Their are always offers around.
Do I think it's cheating?
Heck I don't know .
If I get hurt I'll tell you all ok.
Am I having a online fling? YES.
Can't be anymore truthful than that.