Next week we'll be making poetry. BYO2023 non-writer

Sandra holds a small bottle of water. Someone brought it from the Kotli waterfall for her while travelling. Her deceased older brother once went travelling there with his wife and child. She says she sometimes holds it and speaks some wishes while remembering memories. She's never been to Croatia herself. She wears dark clothes to cover her tender body which her pink shoes never match. Bart yells the water could be hundreds of years old.

Bart is the bright one. His coffee cup matches the plates, the set he received for one of his birthdays. It belonged to grandma. He only drinks tea. Why do you drink coffee he asks Jenny?

Everybody does, Jenny smiles.

Bart had to state again he doesn't. "It's addictive and for old people."

Jenny smiles again and notices his lighter sticking out of his pockets.

What did you bring, Anna goes on asking Jerry. Anna recently started as the psychologist on the section of vulnerable people. This week everybody had to bring an object with memories. Jerry shows his empty hands.

"Are you poor?" Bart asks amazed.

"I'm wearing my new shoes. I got them from my girlfriend." I like to dream of her when she's not around, I feel fine that way but I'm really not ok.



THE END

I enjoyed your story. I am going to have to read it again and again and again. I fear it may be beyond my ken, however I sense that I can glean it eventually. It helps me to think of your story as a visual. Really intriguing!

a reply to: argentus

You're welcome.

a reply to: Untun
Lot's of tells and different characters, did Jenny bring her smile?

Jenny brought her smile, right?

Intriguing good!

a reply to: Untun

I feel this story comes from deep within your soul, Untun, whether you dug deep or improvised it. So, I'm giving you bunny hugs just for that...



I've been following your growth as a writer over the last four contests and it was brave of you to tackle such involved dialogues. I usually avoid them as much as possible because I always feel I'm going to miss some quotation marks..., which I inevitably do.

I ended up colour coding the dialogues so that I kept track of each character and it was easy to proof read at the end for stray punctuation. I'm never going to perfect the art, but practice and a keen eye go a long way.

a reply to: Untun

I found that very realistic. Great writing that somehow made me feel sad.

I always feel sad when I think of vulnerable people. I wonder if that's just me though.

Each person in this narrative carries a unique story and perspective, portraying the intricacies of human emotions and experiences.

originally posted by: shakerattle
Each person in this narrative carries a unique story and perspective, portraying the intricacies of human emotions and experiences.

Very succinctly put!

Thanks for sharing your replies.